Tom Verducci Won’t Quit Until Everyone Agrees That Dome Stadiums Exist Now

No, no.  It's Italian...it's pronounced "Ver-douche-y"In a move straight out of the Rick Reilly playbook, noted haircut Tom Verducci pulled the old double-dip on his column this week by re-writing a column he wrote last year on the same subject.*  That’s right, in keeping with his now annual tradition of bashing the existence of Domed Football stadiums and their inherent unfairness, Verducci hits all of the highlights for us:

1. A Mel Ott reference.

Last year: “Baseball players and teams are often put in the context of their homefield advantage, whether it’s Mel Ott at the Polo Grounds”
This year: “I will reveal that important edge in a minute — not to mention why Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers is the new Mel Ott — but first you have to understand the baseball perspective.”

Ah, good old Mel Ott.  A guy with a slightly higher OPS at home.  A guy who had a better BA on the road.  Man, I’ll always remember those Polo Grounds for the advantage they provided to Mel Ott.  Boy…howdy.

2. The timely, un-changingness of baseball.

Last Year“Bear with me on this, baseball fans, because this entire week is given over to that little football game Sunday, and because you will appreciate even more that your sport enjoys a greater timelessness and connection to its history.”
This Year: “Baseball fans get the importance of context on performance — especially where the game is being played — going all the way back to the debate over what would have happened if Ted Williams were a Yankee taking aim at the rightfield short porch in the Bronx and Joe DiMaggio were a Red Sox swatting away at the Green Monster.”

If there’s one thing baseball doesn’t do, it’s change the rules.  Yup, baseball sure as hell doesn’t have two clearly different rules for the two different leagues and it clearly doesn’t modify the playoff structure as the number of teams grow.  It also doesn’t change the height of the mound when the game gets boring for lack of scoring.  Or anything.  Baseball is timeless.  Also, all existing baseball parks were made with no consideration of local weather and they are all shaped like Fenway.

3.  The double standard of baseball managers learning how to use their home-field advantage to their, uh, advantage but in football, it’s a change that shames the past.

This Year: “In baseball, artificial turf was known to create advantages for teams, such as Whitey Herzog’s running Royals and Cardinals, the Twins in the Metrodome and the Rays at Tropicana Field. Groundball hitters love the turf, which plays faster.”
Last Year: “The Minnesota Twins will lose one of the greatest homefield advantages in baseball this year when they move from the Metrodome to Target Field, an outdoor ballpark. The Metrodome’s white ceiling, fast turf and tricky lighting played havoc on opponents. The Twins played .541 baseball in the Metrodome since 1982 and .441 baseball elsewhere, a 27 percent greater home/road split than the major league average in those years.”

But, you see, baseball fans have perspective.  Unlike these Johnny Come Lately football fans who don’t know the difference between Bart Starr and Starr Jones.  Surely they should be shamed for changing the way fans enjoy the game because of the fact that it sometimes, depending on where the Super Bowl might be played in a certain year, affect the outcome in a team’s favor…in the event that they make it to the Super Bowl in the first place.  I would also like all of my readership to ignore the fact that the Packers play outside, in Wisconsin, and the fact that Aaron Rodgers might have an advantage inside of a dome in no way is at all a reflection on his impressive skillset as a QB. Continue reading

Posted in MLB, NFL | 2 Comments

Mariners Downplay Rumors They’re Trying to Improve Their Team

No, YOU look like a young Kenny Lofton!In what can only be described as a bold PR move, the Seattle Mariners are trying to hush rumors that they’re trying to shed a burdensome salary, paid to a barely average third basemen with absolutely no power to speak of.

The Seattle Mariners and third baseman Chone Figgins tried to quiet trade rumors during the team’s annual fanfest celebration Saturday.

Both Figgins and general manager Jack Zduriencik downplayed the possibility of a deal that would send the speedy, defensive standout to the Oakland Athletics. The Oakland Tribune , citing unnamed sources, first reported Friday the A’s interest in acquiring Figgins.

Zduriencik added, “Listen, Seattle’s a laidback kind of place.  You can’t just hit them over the head with such great news that we could possibly get rid of $27.5M over the next 3 years for a player who is almost exactly league average in OBP, BA, and strikeout rate while being far below average in Slugging.  The shock to their collective system could cause massive outbreaks in joy, smiling, and general hope.”

Figgins echoed the hush-hushiness:

“I’ve always said it’s a great thing to be wanted but I want to win here,” Figgins said. “I’ll always love playing here and like I said before this is where I want to be. Until they force me out of here this is where I’m going to be.”

“Until they trade my overpaid ass, I’m going to stay here.  Guaranteed contracts are a bitch, ain’t they?”

Figgins then slapped a baby, but was unable to make it cry.

Posted in MLB | 10 Comments

Tampa Bay Rays Agree to Terms with Trot Nixon/Gabe Kapler

We're getting the banned back together!After announcing this weekend that they had reached agreements with free agents Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays followed up by announcing that they had completed their offseason goal of signing the entire starting outfield (including platoon!) of the 2003-2005 Boston Red Sox.

Rays GM Andrew Friedman, in the press conference announcing the amazing pickups said, “The only thing that seems to fill the seats at the Trop are Red Sox players.  Hell, we’ve been to the World Series, the ALCS, you name it and we still can’t put asses in those ugly blue chairs.  This way we’ll be able to pretend the Red Sox are in town 81 home games per year.”

Manager Joe Maddon, thrilled by the pickups, added, “These two veterans have the kind of experience we’re looking for in the clubhouse.  They bring the big game confidence that we hope to one day have some day in the future.  I mean, we’ve played some big games but you’d never fucking know it by our attendance figures.  We came in 9th in the AL last year in attendance…out of 14 teams.  And we won 96 goddamn games.  How the fuck are we supposed to get ready for the postseason if the regular season feels like 5 months of Spring Training practice?” Continue reading

Posted in MLB | Tagged | 17 Comments

The “Who Gives A Shit?” Article of the Day

We’re in the doldrums of baseball right now, folks.  The big free agents have signed and there is little likelihood of any big trades being made before Spring Training.  Pitchers and Catchers don’t report for another 24 days and for most of you people, you haven’t been able to golf in months due to shitty weather.   As such, baseball writing has moved into the realm of speculation, pointless lists and moot discussions about Hall of Fame qualifications.

But hope does spring eternal as every now and again, the best living sports writer Joe Posnanski writes a meaningless post that is nonetheless entertaining as all hell and capable of putting into perspective the trivial things that most baseball fans care about far too much.

Today’s theme?  The value of walks (325 walks = 500 singles) and how batting average, OBP and slugging would look like if those walks were traded in.

The findings?  John Olerud isn’t just a polite first basemen who wears a construction helmet onto the field anymore.  No, he’s a force to be reckoned with.  Same for Barry Larkin, Edgar Martinez (duh), Jeff Bagwell (now with even more reasons to suspect he used PEDs!), and Mark McGwire (now with even more reasons to…you get the idea).

It’s a fun read and, let’s be realistic, you have nothing better to do right now.  Or ever.  Loser.

Posted in MLB | Tagged | 14 Comments

Metal Mursday

Happy Mursday everybody!

Now, I know you’ve all been sitting there patiently waiting for the next metal band to listen to for 15 minutes until you move onto something else, and I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.  But I’m hopeful we can put our differences aside for a few minutes and enjoy some sweet, sweet metal action.

Today’s band is Canadian tour de force Strapping Young Lad led by singer and guitarist Devin Townsend.  I first became familiar with Townsend in a Guitar World interview with him and Steve Vai promoting Vai’s upcoming album Sex and Religion. When I was going through my Vai phase, I never really liked this album because it had lyrics and I was a pretentious young fuck.  But over the course of time, I eventually got into this album and a lot of it had to do with how fucking awesome Devin Townsend’s voice is.

Continue reading

Posted in Metal Mursday | Tagged | 4 Comments

Whatever Will They Do???

This is the headline in the MLB section of SI.com right now.  The subcaption says “will the yankees really replace a legend with a rookie?”  As if that’s the first fucking time in the history of baseball that a good pitcher has retired and a team, instead of replacing him by spending millions of dollars in free agency, has used it’s farm system to fill a hole.

Oh, those poor, poor Yankees.  How will they ever manage with only 3 All-Star pitchers instead of 4?   My heart breaks for them and their uncertain future. Continue reading

Posted in MLB | 15 Comments

Joe Flacco Goes on Safari

John Harbaugh: All right, Joe.  Big game.  I know it’s been a short week and we’re coming off of a big win, but we really need a good game here to make a statement in the division. Continue reading

Posted in NFL | Tagged | 6 Comments

Weekly Power Rankings That Last Published In June

With only one month of regular season baseball left to go, I figured it was time to bore you all with some updated power rankings. It’s been two months since I last covered this, and in that time, MLB teams have played two months worth of baseball. I know, right? So without further ado, here’s a bunch of stupid comments about each baseball team.

NOTE: Today’s rankings are geographical beginning with teams that play their home games the furthest west. Please do not correct me if I’m wrong with any of them. The Braves and Reds were really hard to tell. Same with the Blue Jays and Marlins. Whatever. Leave me alone. Continue reading

Posted in MLB, MLB Power Rankings | 4 Comments

Lovie Smith Speaks, But Says Nothing

If you don’t mind, I’d like to rant about the Chicago Bears for a second. I know, we haven’t updated this site in almost a month, and to break the streak I’m going to talk about a shitty football team? Well kinda. Not exactly. Part of this rant goes out to the media as well. Yeah I know, the Chicago Bears and the media playing fish in my barrel. Whatever, I’m just riffing right now.

I was listening to Lovie Smith on the radio addressing the media following their first pre-season game last weekend, and I got to thinking, why does Lovie even have press conferences? He never says anything that we don’t already know from simply watching the game. Here’s a typical Lovie Smith press conference:

“We saw some things we liked out there. Other things we can obviously improve on. As for injuries, Major Wright had a finger, Caleb Hanie had a shoulder, and Craig Steltz had an ankle. We don’t know the severities, but they’re all being evaluated and hopefully they’ll be back on the football field soon.”

That’s it. That’s all he’ll say. He won’t discuss strategy and he won’t offer any inside information. Which of course is his right. He doesn’t have to tell me anything if he doesn’t want to. But I ask this in all seriousness and caps: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF HAVING A PRESS CONFERENCE THEN?!? Major Wright has a finger? Of course he does. Caleb Hanie hurt his shoulder? Yeah no shit, we were fucking watching. I had the game up on my television device. I saw the play. He was sandwiched between two guys and it looked like it hurt. Then he grabbed his shoulder. I assumed by his actions after the play that he, you know, hurt his fucking shoulder. So seriously, what’s the point of having Lovie Smith stand in front of a podium and tell us that…and nothing else? It’s all so stupid.

Bears fans have been watching this same routine since 2004. At what point does it end? I understand that Lovie doesn’t want to give up too much information and show his hand, but honestly, we’re talking about a football team that wins 7 games every year. We’re not talking about some great secret. So how ’bout we end this stupid routine where Lovie Smith has to talk to the media. It’s silly and pointless for everyone involved.

Okay, my rant is over. Got anything else you wanna talk about?

Posted in NFL | 8 Comments

MLJ Tobacco Hall of Fame

The Tyler Rose in an 80′s commercial for fucking Skoal.

Honestly, I had no idea Skoal, or any tobacco company, could advertise on TV at all.  I had never seen it.  Sure, I’d seen the Marlboro and Winston advertisements on scoreboards and NASCAR Cups and shit, but I had never seen a real, live television ad for one, let alone for fucking dip.

Welcome to the HOF, Earl.

Posted in Whatnot | 12 Comments