Maybe next season, sweetie.

Good evening friends of excellence. Roman War Helmet was supposed to be here tonight, but he’s busy arguing with Miz about getting off a virtual lawn somewhere. I digress… It was a tremendously tremendous day here at MLJ. Roman started the day off by stealing Spencer’s picture of writing about Eric Mangini and recapping some games. Then Spencer exposed his soul to Blogfrica and contemplated suicide and a change of fandom.

After the Mangini-ganza finished, clown did his usual thing where he tried to incite Cavaliers fans by taking a ridiculous and always subtle dig at King James. Then nothing happened for a good long time. After that, Roman returned to goad the Football Gawds by pointing out another chink (/NickP) in the Iggles armor. Other than that, there was a whole lot of nothing going on. Hef is working on the expansion of his house because his wife is expecting a litter.

But just because it was a bit slow around here today doesn’t mean it was slow all over the blogosphere. Today was in fact a monumental day because we saw the return of the immortal jmorris. The ultimate source showed he had a very good sense of humor by poking fun at the fact that he had become a meme. If this didn’t make you smile, you must be another dead-behind-the-eyes Browns fan. With that in mind, we salute you jmorris. You’re good people.

Gee, I wonder what’s on television tonight….?

(1) Oklahoma vs. (2) Florida

After a long wait we finally get the one bowl game that matters. (Besides Texas-OSU of course! /laughs) It’s Tim Tebow vs. Sam Bradford. Basically, this is the biggest game ever. No matter who wins, we’ll be subjected to another few weeks of “Texas/Utah/Michigan got screwed!” talk.

Make sure to wear your seat belts because these teams are known for their offense. Sunny with scores in the 70’s is a real possibility. Feel free to hang around and chat.

TBL’s Stone Cold Gambling Lock of the Hour*:

“Oklahoma and the OVER!”

30 Rock

I don’t know why they’re putting a brand new episode of the funniest show on television (that doesn’t take place in Philly) up against the BCS Championship, but who cares. It’ll be fun to watch on DVR instead of the Bradford/Tebow slobjob post-game on ESPN.

*May not actually have come from TBL. Scratch that, I understand the mind of a gambler.

I have spent this week breaking down the soft points of the Iggles. First, I told you about their wonderful offensive line. Then, I mentioned their terrific linebackers and their ability to pump gas. Now I delve into a bigger topic. That topic is the quarterback.

Donovan McNabb is a very good quarterback. I am not going to shit on that yet. He really is. I think the people of Philadelphia don’t quite understand what they have. BUT (here is the shitting) I understand where the displeasure comes from. He is inconsistent. He can force the issue. He makes bad decisions. He is a bit of a choke artist. Now he is not Favreian in his choking. That is like comparing Rutherford B. Hayes to  Abraham Lincoln in terms of great Presidents. But he has sort of puked all over himself when it matters most. He will never live that down.

Here is where McNabb is beatable. Get pressure on him and take away the middle of the field. Now you may ask, couldn’t you say that about everyone? Sure, but he is epically bad. With my prime time Left side of Thomas and Herremens, I am seeing some pressure coming from the Champs. My hope is they can cover up the middle of the field. Kenny Phillips has done a great job of complimenting James Butler and Micheal Johnson. The three of them on the field at the same time allows the Champs to keep Antonio Pierce in the box and cheat Chase Blackburn towards the run or just take him off the field completely.

The fun thing about McNabb is once you punch him in the face, he gets jittery. For example, his counterpart, Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning, has a “Memento” like aspect about him. Bad play or bad sack, he comes back and plays like it never happened. Without a sense of desperation. The same can’t be said about Donovan. McNabb’s best games are the ones where he is in complete control. Westbrook is finding his holes and he is distributing the ball with time to execute. For some reason, he was told not to run and be a pocket quarterback. I agree with that for the sake of longevity, but he has taken that statement to heart. He barely runs anymore. Even under significant pressure. The Eagle game plan calls for a pass 65% of the time and it doesn’t allow him to create. Andy Reid has taken away McNabb’s second biggest weapon. Running quarterbacks are not supposed to get sacked a lot. McNabb tends to more than others of his ilk.

I really want to trash McNabb. Call him names or say how bad he sucks. I tried. I gave you some truth but in reality, I like Donovan McNabb. Maybe not as my quarterback, but I respect him. He is classy. He is good. The guy has won 5 division championships, been to 4 NFC Championship games and one Super Bowl. Which he puked in. I think he could have won one if Andy Reid gave him a good wideout for more than one season. But that is the past. The present says that McNabb is very capable of a stinker. Things are going too smooth now and I think the Champs are more than ready to disrupt his comfort zone. If they do, the end result does not look good for the Iggles. If the Iggles lose, I expect chaos in Philly. And Lord knows I love me some chaos in Philly.

And now, I bring you some of my favorite Donovan McNabb Moments!

See you Sunday Donovan!

Initial Reaction (5:45 pm): My Browns fandom is being questioned to its very core. This feels like loving something so much you’d do anything for “it” and eventually you reach a pivotal moment where you’re forced to ask yourself the question, “am I getting any return on my emotional investment?”

Upon hearing about the hire of Eric Mangini, I have reached that point with my beloved Cleveland Browns…I don’t know if I can put in the time and psychological effort into following something I know is dying.

Why am I a Browns fan?

Because the Browns ARE Cleveland. We all feel like underdogs and think the rest of the country views us as a running joke. To say we have a chip on our shoulder is an understatement…but no matter the burning desire to get recognition for our athletic prowess, we always suck.

While it’s every team’s curse to bear, the loser, the Charlie Brown, it’s ironic that the team that’s at the center of the Cursed orbit is named after the kid who can never kick the football. From dynasty under Paul Brown when my parents were still in grade school to perpetual putridity until the 1980’s when they rose to infamy through a series of gut-wrenching stomach punches that no franchise should endure where one of my first vivid memories is watching “The Drive” with my grandfather when I was two years old. Just like Brad Daugherty and Mark Price’s Cavs and Albert Belle’s Indians, the Sipe/Kosar Browns are best known for being the bridesmaids.

Then came the move. Fucking Art Modell, may he burn in fucking hell next to Judas Iscariot and Brutus singed to the forehead of the fallen angel Beelzebub and pissed on by the acidic urine of hellspawn for all eternity, went and fucking moved one of the bedrocks of the NFL to fucking BALTIMORE, citing economic bullshit despite the fact that 80-fucking-thousand fans packed a shitty stadium right by a lake in December to watch a 3-10 team every fucking year since…um…EVER. It was then I decided that I’m a Browns fan for life.

My Browns 2.0 Adolescence

I swear to God that Chris Palmer is really Rich Kotite with a forged ID. Tim Couch and Courtney Brown and Gerrard Warren and Willie Green and Jeff Faine and just fucking shoot me already…

Yes, it was hard…but there was always hope. Where, at the end of the season against playoff winning teams, the Browns always looked, not good, but competent. The Draft was our Super Bowl, and all throughout high school I dug in and became a poor man’s Mel Kiper, able to rip off attributes and pros/cons like gangbusters. The Browns were always a few pieces away from getting to relevancy!!!

For every fluke playoff year like last year’s there’s three 4-12 ones right there. For every new coach and new prodigy GM there’s a “fuck you, go root for Buffalo,” email.

But unlike 1999-2006 (2007 was hope incarnate), after this season there was no hope. I’ve said it’s been the worst Browns season I have ever experienced, the smoldering wreckage of high hopes flying at 30,000 feet crashing down at an instant. The only silver lining was the shining knight…the Bill Cowher or Scott Pioli waiting to come in and rescue us from mediocrity.

Instead…another fat guy from Boston, the third turd Bill Belichick has flung at the Browns…

There are so many reasons not to like this hire…

Can we start with the fact that his reputation around that of being a rat? After the Spygate fiasco triggered by Mangini his credibility is absolutely shot and he’s viewed as someone who willingly cheated in order to advance their career, and then blow the whistle on his former boss. That’s disgusting behavior, especially towards someone you considered a mentor and a guy who gave you the career you now enjoy? You were a fucking media bitch when you started here in Cleveland and the only reason you’re employed in the field you are is because of Bill Belichick…and how do you repay him? By snitching on a practice you were most likely involved in?!?!?!!

Questionable ethics and moral judgment aside, and looking at him purely as a coach, you’re still left underwhelmed. Something like a 23-26 record when your two winning years were aided by historically creampuffed schedules does not inspire confidence in the least.

Schematically is there something there? He WAS called the “Mangenius” after all! If his offensive scheme (aided by Bill Callahan and Brian Schottenheimer) was a food, it’d be the macaroni and cheese with bacon that Pizza Hut was trying to pass off as gourmet. If Belichick is a tandoori grilled ribeye with mango chutney and mint jelly, you know, high end exotic, then I feel that’s a fitting description for what Mangini’s coaching acumen represents if it were a meal comparatively.

Now lets take a look at the circumstances under which he was hired…the Browns are going under a complete organizational overhaul, from top to bottom. The thinking was we were going to get a GM first and let him choose the coach, you know, the rational method one would take in if they wanted everything on the same page. There was Scott Pioli out there, someone who was groomed under Parcells and came to fruition with Belichick, a partnership which yielded three Super Bowls. Most certainly HE would be someone to go after without abandon!

But say you wanted a coach instead and let him pick who he’d choose to work with? There was Mike Shanahan, a coach given far too much control, yet owns two Super Bowl rings, over 220 wins, and guru of an offensive scheme that fits your current personnel on that side to a T. Most certainly HE would be someone to go after without abandon!

And why rush anyways? We still have three rounds left in the playoffs and there’s a bevy of qualified coach and GM hires that may appear from the fray with Steve Spagnuolo and Jim Schwartz leading the pack. There’s a potential rift in Tampa Bay with their Super Bowl winning coach Jon Gruden developing. Why not just sit back and see what’s out there?

BECAUSE RANDY LERNER NEEDED ERIC MANGINI!!!

The thing that hurts the most is that there was Scott Pioli just sitting there, with Clevelander Josh McDaniel in tow, waiting for the Browns job, while not a major market, a relatively high-profile job for a ravenous fanbase spread throughout the country. And he WANTED it too. He had worked here before. It was PERFECT.

And despite all this, Randy Lerner hurriedly jumped to action, desperate to make a move. He became instantly enamored with Mangini, almost after the first interview, and in their discussions (or the organization’s discussions, I have no idea) the name George Kokinis came into the fold, the man who took over as Ozzie Newsome’s right hand man after Phil Savage left.

So…Lerner, obviously thrilled after the first go-around with a former New England coordinator paired with an ex-Raven decided to fund a sequel and now, many of the employees that were so ineffective during the Savage-era, will most likely be retained. I say most likely because the Ravens blocked the Browns from interviewing Kokinis, but I’m making the assumption that it’s a done-deal.

In all honesty, Lerner probably doesn’t even care, and hell, he’s probably on his jet across the pond to watch his soccer team he cares infinitely more about and letting the rest just fall into place. Meanwhile, the fanbase of his team is in a riotous fervor over a hiring that was, in their eyes, unnecessarily hurried and rashly executed.

Mike Shanahan will get back from vacation on Monday and Scott Pioli is still up in the air, yet the Browns decided that Plans A and B weren’t worth the bother and went with a very mediocre Plan C without a second thought. Great.

What did we do to deserve this?

First, let me say that I don’t think that Mangini’s time here in Cleveland won’t be fruitful. It would hardly be the first time that a coach with a previously meh tenure went somewhere else only to find success. He’s still young, he’s semi-bright, and he does demand respect from his players and will be the demander of accountability that this organization has lacked under Romeo/Savage, which are all good things.

But it’s just so…underwhelming.

What, exactly, has Mangini done to inspire confidence other than put in a memorable cameo in The Sopranos? I can’t think of a whole lot.

So, while Pioli waits and Shanahan gets ready to start interviewing, the Browns will be gearing up for Mangenius to get to work. Browns fans will be sitting at home wondering if we’ll be blessed with another tumultuous three year run that ends in another wholesale re-organization. This is our umpteenth run at this type of thing, and at this point, we can almost sense it coming, which is why I’m so distressed by this hire.

We’ll see what the draft brings and what happens in the offseason, but Randy Lerner, if you happen across this, please listen…

You are losing the confidence of your fanbase. If this fails, the results will be disasterous. Considering what I’ve been through as a Browns fan, and how that pales in comparison to the pain that thousands of Browns fans who have been around longer have endured, another disastrous turn of events will undoubtedly shake the very fabric of the team, the undying support of the greatest fanbase in sports. Without that, there is no Browns…period.

This is an important moment in our organization’s history…what comes of it…I’m not sure, to be honest, but I do know that I’m re-evaluating my dedication, and it sickens me to death.

Part II: Spencer’s ridiculous theory making a corollary between Randy Lerner’s current bullshit as a master plan to re-locate the Browns to Los Angeles and Rachel Phelps’ plan to get the Indians out of Cleveland in Major League.

Eric Mangini, Fitness Champion

Good morrow my friends and compatriots. It is a fine day here at the palatial MLJ compound. We are on Day 2 of the Eric Mangini era in Cleveland. Be prepared to hear the following words. A lot. Process, core values, work, program, and consistency. He will demonstrate how he totally disregards those words when he onside kicks in the first quarter or runs the ball on 3rd and 17 or throws a 50 yard bomb on 4th and 1. He truly is an amazing coach. I am sure with him keeping Romeo as Defensive Coordinator, he will maintain that consistency that the Browns need to develop the core values in the program and with putting in good work he will allow the process to lead to victories. (Sorry Spencer, It’s is just so sad)

Anywho, Just when I thought the Cowfags were out of my life for the next month or so, they go out and release Pacman Jones. They only did it 5 months too late. He was an abortion in the secondary this year. I will miss him. Apparently he had his friends shoot at some guys outside a strip club (SURPRISE!) in June 2007. The NFL supposedly knew but did nothing about it since he was already suspended and they had very little proof. Pacman says this is all lies and is suing ESPN because they are lying liars. My question is, how does this get him released? I am sure his piss poor play and various distractions were enough to get him shitcanned, but I would think Roger Goodell would have given Jerry Facelift the heads up on this one. Either way, adios shithead. I have no sympathy for you. A man is paralyzed because of you. You can rot in Leonard Little’s place in hell. (Don’t get me started how that asshole is still playing.) Well with that let us jump feet first into last night’s games:

John Smoltz going to Boston? According to Ken Rosenthal he is.

Cavs 111 Bobcats 81 -2010 Free agent and all around good guy LeBron James sucked last night with a mere 21 points. He was like a commoner with such output. Please, he is supposed to be a King. He better get is ass in gear before he plays in the Garden. (I know he played 31 minutes, I am a demanding fan)

Rockets 89 Celtics 85 - Are the Rockets really this Good? Are the Celtics frauds???? Will Nick P trash Kevin Garnett?????? All of these questions to be answered in the comment section.

Nets 100 Grizzlies 89 - I only added this game to throw CRM a bone since this is the only team I can actually say that he likes that doesn’t wear teal. They actually won in their own building which is cute. On a side note, I tailgate behind the Continental Airlines Arena Izod Center before Champs games. It is really easy to get out and beat traffic to the bridge after the games. A lesson to be learned, you have to run to get out of Jersey since everyone wants to leave it and traffic will be caused by the mass exodus.

Jazz 116 Hornets 90 - CP3 had 27 pts and 7 assists. His team lost by 26. Deron Williams had 8 pts and 8 assists. His team won by 26. Williams > CP3? No. But Williams had some dude named Paul Millsap who had 27 pts and 14 rebounds. That and 4 other dudes scored double digits.

Today was a great day here at MLJ.  Our numbers were huge today.  Or yuuuuge, if you’re from New York and speak like Roman presumably does.  We had threeve and a half million unique views today.  It seems like most people have returned to work and their regular blog viewing, so we are seeing the numbers we expected in 2009.  Well, where was I?  Ok, the great day here.  I’m sure you’ve read all of our wonderful posts, so no need for me to recap them.  If you missed them, they can be found under “Recent Posts” on the right side of the blog. 

The one post that needs mentioning is the news that Eric Mangini was named coach of the Browns.  Roman gave his analysis and hopefully Spencer and RexKramerBrownsFan will chime in with their opinions on the new hire.  Personally, I think it’s a terrible hire.  Any coach that can turn my beloved Brett Favre into the embarrassing and washed up pathetic excuse for a quarterback that we saw last year can not possibly be a good coach (/sincere).

Anyways, stop by talk about some basketball games, TV shows you’re watching or to polute this fine blog with more hockey talk.  Also, let us know what you think about the announcer switch ESPN is pulling by having Dookie V announce an NBA game and Tirico and the crew announce a college game.

Davidson @ Duke:  Like previously mentioned, Mike Tirico, Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy will be announcing this game for ESPN tonight.  It will be nice for them to see real fans cheering for a team.  The Cameron Crazies bring more heat than fans at any NBA game.  Except maybe when the Knicks fans were cheering for Lebron.  They sure brought the spirit.  Watch the nation’s leading scorer Stephen Curry for Davidson and star of Gunnin’ for that #1 Spot Kyle Singler.

Rockets @ Celtics:  The Celtics look to rebound after losing to the Bobcats last night.  I think this team has run out of gas after playing their asses off for 115 games or something like that last year.  TMac and the Rockets have lost 5 straight road games.  Boston, who has lost 2 straight games look avoid their first 3 game losing streak of the season.

Heat @ Nuggets:  This is the game that will be announced by Dan Schullman and Dick Vitale.  I have to imagine Dick Vitale will be smitten with D-Wade.  How many times will he mention the Final Four run Wade took Marquette on in 2003?  Denver will be playing without Carmelo Anthony for 3-4 weeks, who has a broken bone in his shooting hand.

A treat:  I saw these pictures of this skinny bitch from the new 90210 all over the blogs yesterday.  If you ask me, Valarie Malone (below) is still the hottest girl to grace the halls streets of West Beverly High Hills.

They just don't make woman like they used to.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHA! HO HO HO  WOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Spencer’s reaction to follow after he cleans up the blood that is pouring  from his wrists.