Oregon smells like new money.

This is not a bad thing…they’re loaded and heading into 2010 as a certain top 10 team in a weak conference with an eye on the national championship.  That said, they’re still new money, and as everyone knows, new money doesn’t mean shit in college football unless you’re the U.

Like new money, Oregon’s lack of a diversified portfolio hurt them badly.  While their offense is a bonafide blue chip asset, they needed more in order to beat the established elite in Ohio State last week in the Rose Bowl.  Case in point?  The Buckeyes dominated the clock to the tune of 41 minutes to 19, and on 3rd downs where Oregon only converted two all game.  Oregon, while VERY good, just didn’t have the size to compete with OSU, which was something ignored by all the pundits because of the stereotyped Ohio State persona of not being able to deal with speed.

Well, so much for that. Read the rest of this entry »

Drink it in, it always goes down smooth.

Na, I can’t hate on Tebow…he was a helluva player.  But Florida?  And Urban?  And that insufferable, rednecked, jorts wearing fanbase that hates gays because it says so in the Bah-ble?  Oh, fuck all those fucks with a branding iron.

The best college football blog on the planet, Every Day Should be Saturday, authored by the eloquently named Spencer Hall, had this to say in the SEC Championship Game preview when discussing things he, as a Florida fan, was worried about beforehand, a situation he did not want to see…

A karmically overdue pantsing of a complacent undefeated team of the kind Florida delivered to Ohio State in 2006.

Ah yes…let me taste those tears.  Read the rest of this entry »

Pittsburgh, Ole Miss and Oklahoma State all lost, meaning they’re frauds.  Too bad we already knew that.

No, there’s no mayor this week, instead we will operate under the leadership of the Fraud City Parliment, also known as the ACC, yes, the ENTIRE conference.

Virginia Tech has been a fraud ever since Mike Vick left, so we won’t really touch on them any more than we already have, but the rest of the conference?  North Carolina, already being exposed as frauds recently, just got frauded again to a putrid NC State team that had no business being on the same field as one of the most talented teams in the conference.  Miami showed up to play…which is great considering they’ll either show up in gangbusters or shit the bed completely…you really never know, which is more than you can say for Florida State going against their bitter rivals.

But the biggest criminals?  Serial frauds Clemson and their ACC Championship game opponent, Georgia Tech. Read the rest of this entry »

Ah yes, the sleepy town of Fraud City.  After a tumultuous past few weeks full of tumult and, uh, uous, Fraud City has turned into a Midwestern town full of good, land tilling families, where people go about their own business and everyone knows everyone.

See, this week had a few frauds, but these frauds were known to be frauds long before the past Saturday.  Like I said…the sleepy town of Fraud City.

First off…Ohio State’s uniforms. Those things were fucking hideous.  Never EVER wear those again.  I love Nike, but they went too fucking far with that shit.  Seriously…what the fuck was up with those stripes on the back of the pants?  That was completely unnecessary.  You made one of the most aesthetically pleasing matchups you could want look like utter crap.  Michigan blue vs. Ohio State in white is GORGEOUS…and you ruined it.

Wisconsin is a fraud, but did anyone believe in them to begin with?  Fuck no.  Aside from John Clay, this team sucks.

Wisconsin West, Stanford, was just as meh.  These teams wouldn’t stand a chance in the mayoral race even if they were the only team to be upset this weekend.  Why?  Well, first of all, they lost to decent teams.  I’ve been saying all year long that Northwestern is better than people think.  Losing to Northwestern is not a bad thing.  It happens.  They run a good, solid offense and are disciplined on defense.  And while the don’t have the greatest athletes, they’re still a team that can beat you, especially when Mike Kafka is goin’ philosophical on your ass.  And losing to a ranked team in Cal, like Stanford did?  Shit happens, especially in rivalry games.

That’s why there’s only one legitimate mayoral candidate this week. Read the rest of this entry »

What an exciting past few weekends we’ve had here, no?

A host of lower ranked teams lost and in an effort to save time, I’m going to list them:  Iowa (but hold your heads high…you could’ve folded when down two scores in the 4th, but you didn’t.), South Florida, Miami, Houston, Arizona, and Utah. There you go.  These teams lost.

Why am I moving through so fast?  Because Fraud City is more of a Fraud Fiefdom this week.  There’s a bunch of peons, i.e. the asshats listed above, and then there’s the Baron.  The Lord.  The unquestioned ruler of Fraud Fiefdom.

The University of Southern California. Read the rest of this entry »

Holy Moses smell the roses, do we have a lot of frauds to get to after a wild, ZANY week of college football ac-teeeee-yon, but this week, we’re going to do things a little differently.  This week, we’re going to get to the fraudiest frauds FIRST, and then go from there.

So, without further adieu, YOUR mayors of Fraud City…human poll voters.

I see yourself asking, “wait, huh?” but if you saw the human voters polls, and saw that USC was ranked ABOVE Oregon, then it’d all make perfect sense.  Hang on a second, lets just let this marinate for a second.

Oregon and USC have the same 7-2 record.  Oregon has a superior Pac-10 record by a game, and controls their own destiny on the road to Pac-10 champs.  Oh, and there’s that little issue of Oregon ABSOLUTELY WAXING USC a mere two weeks ago.  Surely, pollsters wouldn’t be that dumb, right?  WRONG.

This is absolutely indefensible.  There isn’t a single fucking metric in the entire fucking world that would convince ANYONE that USC is a better team than Oregon at this point.  As if the Duck Fuck two weeks ago didn’t prove it enough, every other shred of evidence would put USC behind, but then again, USC was SOOOOOO convincing in their 14-9 win over an exceedingly mediocre (Vontaze Burfict aside) Arizona State team where they had their worst offensive performance in five fucking years.

There is no excuse, pollsters.  None.  If you were so stupid that you voted USC over Oregon, you don’t deserve to vote.  Period.  It doesn’t matter that Oregon just lost, and that’s the way the polls operate, we just saw, TWO WEEKS AGO, that Oregon is not only better than USC, but it’s really not even close.

More frauds after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Lotta frauds this week, fellers…lot, of, frauds.

There seem to be three distinct fraud camps from last week’s slate of college football action, the teams that were well established in the polls taking a nosedive, teams in the bottom part of the rankings getting hosed and then, from the cradle of fraud, YOUR Big XII North.

But I REALLY don’t want to talk about the Big XII North…so we won’t.  And they’re not mayors anyways, more like land barons or dukes or some shit like that, so why even bother?  Lets get right to the meat.

Michigan, is usually included just as a humorous side displaying some good ol’ fashioned hatred from a rival, but this week is a serious inclusion.  Now, being as objective as I can about Michigan, I fully understand that they are, scratch that, were making some solid strides with a young team, and frankly, beginning to scare the shit out of me.  Unfortunately, along that course, they ran into some issues, most notably, with Indiana and Michigan State before running into Big Ten behemoths Iowa and Penn State.  Losing a close one to Iowa and getting waxed by PSU is nothing to be ashamed of, but getting straight up FUCKED by Illinois?  Yea…

But, still, this is a rebuilding team with an incredibly young and thin roster.  This is a work in progress…but still, ILLINOIS?!?!?!  ZOOK!??!!?  You have GOT to have more pride than that.  Oh, and handling yourself without a fucking iota of class?  We’ll get to that in about an hour.

Even then, they’re not mayors and I don’t really like beating up Michigan if it involves praising the Zookster.  So lets move on… Read the rest of this entry »

Which way to go, which way to go…hmm…

Do I rip Alabama, Iowa and Florida new ones for struggling to beat medicore teams?  Or do I lay into Miami seeing as they lost to a talented, albeit underachieving team?  I think I’m going with the former this week because even though the U lost, they lost to a superhuman effort by a guy who’ll no doubt be having his name called on the first day of the draft.  Plus, their offense was borderline awesome and they weren’t wholly awful on defense…hard to fault a close loss to a decent conference foe.

But a close win over a shitty team that you should’ve pounded into submission?  Hah…now THAT’S something we can rip.

Florida barely beat a Mississippi State team that’d finish in the bottom of whatever conference they played in…from the SEC to the MEAC.  Mississippi State, even with Dan Mullens calling the shots, sucks.  Period.  And for all that nonsense about new coaches knowing everything about their former teams (see: USC’s loss to Washington this year), the old coaches know what the fuck the new, MUCH less talented team is going to do too.

So…in the end you have Superman throwing TAINTS and Brandon Spikes looking like the most terrifying quality control coach in the country.  But they’re not the mayors…not this week. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s only one entrant in this week’s edition, so excuse me if I’m forgetting any team that deservedly merits a bashin’…

This week’s mayors of Fraud City…THE Ohio State Fraud-aversity.

Where to begin, where to begin…hmm…  Howabout this…lets start at the top and work our way down.

Jim Tressel needs to not only delegate more of the offensive responsibilities to his assistants, he needs a wholesale reorganization of the entire coaching staff on that side of the ball from the coordinators to the positional coaches.  There isn’t ONE SINGLE FUCKING EXCUSE for a team with this much talent on offense to be so abortion-ly miserable whenever they have the ball.  NOT ONE.

A LOT more after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Not a whole lot to pick from, outside of the Big 10 and SEC, so lets get this over and done with, k?

Michigan, again, are your mayors.

You may ask yourself, “why does this author mercilessly pick on the Wolverines when they were facing a superior team on the road?”

First…NEVER question Michigan hate.  They’re the antithesis of everything that makes college football great.  Their fans don’t cheer.  They’ve thoroughly shat on a century’s worth of tradition in a mere two years.  They have a QB who’s not only unrootable for in football, he’s unrootable for in life.  Their new uniforms look like straight shit, which considering how iconic they are, is no easy feet.  And finally, their coach is the biggest swindler, douchebag in a fraternity that includes Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban and Urban Meyer.

Second…Iowa isn’t really all that great, and Michigan SHOULD’VE won based not on talent, but based on the fact that Iowa is completely incapable of putting an inferior team away.  But in typical Michigan form, they decided to poop on themselves and then roll around in the mess, giving the ball away numerous times and letting yet another Ohioan, Iowa QB Ricky Stanzi (Clevelander ftw!!!) wreck their weekend.

Was it taking out a QB who had led three fourth quarter comeback drives in…the fourth quarter?  Was it the sheer abomination that was Rich Rod’s “game plan?”  Was it the fact that there isn’t a single NFL caliber lineman on the team outside of Brandon Graham, who will no doubt make his coin as a LINEBACKER, rather than the 3-4 END they have him playing as now?

Yes.  All of that.

This is a garbage team that shouldn’t be compared to BCS teams, rather, they should be looked at as a displaced MAC powerhouse. Read the rest of this entry »