What a week for conceited douchebags! Where do I begin? Well, we can start with Urban Meyer. Apparently the minor league football world is abuzz that a football coach left ESPN to coach football. Not that I care. Spencer, Rex and NickP seem to give a shit so good for them.

The big scuttlebutt is that he knew he was going to coach Ohio State but didn’t say he was then denied he was and then actually became the coach. That “broke the trust” between me the viewer and ESPN the news organization.  According to Twitter, I am supposed to be outraged. I will head down to Bristol and Occupy it to represent the unwashed masses.

Speaking of ESPN and breaking trust, Craig James seemed to bring out the funny in people on the Big Lead. Why am supposed to be outraged, or at least mildly upset about Urban Meyer, when Craig James collects a healthy paycheck from ESPN? This is a guy who used his influence to get his son a scholarship to a BCS school and then used the same influence to get the successful coach of that school fired because he wasn’t playing his lazy, charity case son.

My other question on the matter is, why does Craig James have power? Did I miss something? Besides riding Eric Dickerson’s coattails at SMU, did he amass some sort of power base that I missed? Why are stuffy people in suits beholdened to him? It isn’t like he is the John Madden of college football? Either he has the Force and uses it for evil or smart people are very very dumb. Or at the very least insecure and go back to some High School social structure where cool, good looking Craig James owns the halls and they want to hang be his side looking for leftover pussy. Whatever, minor league football is teh ghey.

More fun in conceited douchebaggery, Jim Boeheim’s press conference yesterday should be shown in communications classes worldwide as the “how not to” version of defending yourself and acting contrite. Holy shit. I mean, he has a very valid point. If someone you knew for years is accused of something that was already “proven” to be false, you tend to defend that person. I am not saying he should jump ship on the guy* now but shut the fuck up and stop waving statements at the press. Seriously, fake a little. I don’t need a tear filled apology but he should have said something like:

“I am trying stand beside my friend but I am dealing with all of this in the same real time manner as everyone. Sorry, if my initial defense was too harsh. I have to respect the investigation and will do everything I can to help and support it. I cannot make any more comments on the matter.”

That is it. No smiling and waving statements. And what the fuck Syracuse communications team? You work for one of the top Communication schools in the world. I am assuming you all graduated from it. Why are you letting him go on like that? Holy shit.

Not that I mean to pick on the PR aspect of it all (well I do) but I tend to side with Boeheim a little. Penn State had a total institutional coverup where there were multiple events that the powers that be were aware of. Syracuse had an investigation by the school, police and two news organizations and nothing could be corroborated. I understand Boeheim’s initial emotions, he felt it was old shit being dragged up for money. He still may be right. But at this point, shut the fuck up. Last night was embarrassing.

In one last great moment for conceited douchebags, Bobby Valentine is going to manage the Red Sox. A disclaimer, I fucking love Bobby V. Everything he did after 9/11 for the city of New York was top notch and classy.The man also took the Mets to the World Series with Timo Perez and Benny Agbayani playing prominent rolls. That is also what makes him a conceited douche. He doesn’t feel the need to go after real talent. He would rather look smart by riding a Timo Perez hot streak or feeling he will be the guy to get Mo Vaughn back in shape after watching him hit BP in a cage in Connecticut then pushing real talent to the forefront. No one is better at managing a roster and a bullpen then Bobby V. He is also the first one to tell that he is the best at managing a roster and an bullpen.

Frankly, I think Bobby is perfect for that Red Sox team. They have a bunch of statues that can’t be moved but they also have a few areas (SS, RF, C) that he can do his Bobby V thing and take bows. I also think his sarcastic press conferences will both entertain and infuriate Red Sox fans. He will polarize the fan base. But frankly, those yahoos are polarized about everything.

So in summation, Fuck Boston, Fuck Minor League Football and Fuck ESPN.

Enjoy your day.

*not that this is looking very promising for Bernie Fine but the people involved in this are not exactly trustworthy

We here at Major League Jerk have spent countless seconds discussing which Hall of Fames are truly Hall of Fame worthy and which belong on the 5th tier of the celestial pyramid by the gift shop and outside the family restroom. Below is our next inductee.

Located in Cooperstown, New York, the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum is like the Bill Russell of all Hall of Fames. First, the Baseball Hall of Fame may not have the stats of say the Football Hall of Fame or one of the Basketball Hall of Fames but it does have all the intangibles. The Football Hall of Fame is great but it is in Ohio. That right there knocks it down in pantheon status. Did you know the Baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown which is in the state of New York? Did you know if you wanted to you could crash of CRM’s couch and it would be a half an hour or so drive* to get there? Both are the little things that make it a Hall of Fame HOF. It’s true.

But if you don’t believe me maybe you will believe my buddy Monkeykong, who is as passionate on the subject as I am.

You are putting Hall of Fames in the Hall of Fame? What the fuck are you talking about? Who gives a shit? I think it is full blown retarded when Grantland puts You Tube videos that have 14 views in a ‘Hall of Fame”. But sure, if you are serious then yes, I guess the Baseball Hall of Fame is a Hall of Famer. Die.

See. Told you. If my buddy thinks it is HOF then it is. It just is. Any place that has such all time greats like Andre Dawson, Jim Rice, Bert Blyleven, Pete Rose, and Goose Gossage is truly worthy of recognition. Now if it just allowed Jack Morris in, then the Baseball Hall of Fame would truly reach the top of the pyramid.

*45 minutes if you drive like a fucking pussy

watch?v=O4SbZj1tCec

I never thought I’d be driving through the country just to drive with only music and the clothes that I woke up in.

I never thought I’d need all this time alone. It goes to show I had so much yet I had need for nothing but you, but you.

————

This is just therapy ‘cause you won’t take my calls and that makes God the only one who’s left here listening to me.

————

Given that I have a final on Saturday I hardly have the time to do this, but owing to how completely shitty this week has been I went for a drive around the eastern part of Kansas, which features a surprising amount of rural territory given how near I am to Kansas City.

Basically my shitty mood revolves around two things. One is my parents, who, even though I am 23, feel like they need to run my life and even though I am in both law and grad school every time I talk to them on the phone they tell me what I am doing wrong and what I should do to fix it.

But that, and all the stress that comes with school, is all still manageable because of my best friend. Sadly, I am not sure what is going on there. I haven’t told many people this (and the people I have told haven’t done great things with that information) but I am in love with my best friend and have been since the day we met 10 years ago. And we have dated in the past, but the last time I tried to make a move was when I asked her on a date our Sophomore year in college, she accepted, and then about a week later told me she couldn’t go out with me after all because she saw me as too good of a friend.

Now that we live in different states, all of our communication is by phone, which sucks. When I came home for spring break it magically coincided with the weekend she took off from work so she could go home to visit her parents. She had a boyfriend, but due to some advice from a friend I decided to tell her I had feelings for her and that I thought we should date. She told me she wanted to have a week or so to think about it, and so I waited the week, and called her when I got back to school. She then proceeded to tell me she just wanted to be friends. Naturally I was crushed. Anyways, we didn’t talk for two weeks, but after a new episode of HIMYM I decided to give her a call because that is what we always do after new HIMYM episodes. She then texted me after we talked and said she was glad I called and she had broken up with her boyfriend, but didn’t know what it meant for us, but that no matter what she wanted to stay friends.

So after calling her and texting her and things going back to normal, she said she had “stuff going on” last Tuesday when I tried calling her about HIMYM and that she would call me Wednesday. I said no problem. And it wasn’t a problem, until she didn’t call or text Wednesday. Well, whatever, people get busy and I am not a crazy clingy person so I was cool with it. Thursday? nothing. Friday? same. and etc. It has now been a week since I have talked to her on the phone, via text, facebook, whatever.

And that is what I have a big problem with. My entire life (well, adolescent and adult life) I have been there for her. I have been there for her whether she has asked me or not. I almost flew up there to drive her to a test that was 400 miles away last December, even though it was in the midst of my finals week. And yet she has not once ever stepped up or been there for me. She could be in the hospital or something and I would have no way of knowing because she doesn’t give a shit. And I can’t talk to any of my friends about it because they don’t give a shit either.

I just feel quite overwhelmed about everything, and I don’t even care about my grades. I care that the one person in the world I care about more than anything, whom everything I do is an attempt to impress, doesn’t seem to care about me. I still hope things will work out between us, and I think they can, but I think I have gotten to the point where if I lose her as a potential girlfriend, she loses me as a friend.

(sorry for the no jump, I have no idea how to do it on a video post)

h/t Lovelorn loser

Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you’ll sing Gallinari.
Hearts will play tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay, like a gay Eddy Curry.

When the Knicks make you drool just like pasta fazool, that’s Amar’e
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet, Roma’n's in love…..

When you walk in a dream but you know you’re not dreamin’, signore’….
Scuse-a-me, but you see, back in old MSG, that’s Amar’e