Ohio University Bobcats! Akron Zips! For all the marbles!

At 6 PM this evening, the world stops. All eyes will be on the house that Lebron built, where two groups of MAC warriors will be squaring off. And I’ll be there!

For our Cleveland readers, if you can find me at Harry Buffalo before the game, first beer is on Major League Jerk. (Hef gave me the company credit card.)

I’ll be the 6′3, 220 pound black guy with the hat.

In other news:

The Buckeyes are frauding themselves out of a number one seed. They’re currently down 8 versus a mediocre Illinois squad. I see a first weekend exit from the Bucks. Prepare your brackets accordingly.

Kentucky is blowing out Tennessee. The Wildcats have 3 guys projected to go in the top 11 picks in this summer’s NBA draft. The last time (I think) a team had 3 top 11 picks was Florida, and they won back-to-back titles.

Houston already busted some team’s bubble by winning the Conference USA title earlier today. That sucks for [some team...not really a big enough college fan to know who got screwed].

In other, other news:

What’s taking you guys so long to sign up for MLJ fantasy baseball? There are still four spots left. We can even open up more if necessary. Let’s go. Hef told you how to sign up here.

Some sleepers:

1. Jose Reyes

2. Daniel Murphy

3. Jason Bay

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Good afternoon, readers. Sorry for the tardiness of this post. I’ve started volunteering at a soup kitchen on Saturday mornings, and I wasn’t able to churn out a QS for your reading pleasure. I do hope you understand. Let’s take a quick peak at last night’s happenings.

Cavs 99 Pis-dones 92: Early on, it looked like the Cavs were going to be unable to overcome the absence of Boobie Gibson (who just had a kid with Keyshia Cole). They quickly spotted Detroit 20 points, and it looked like Snuggie Night was going to end in disappointment. [Quick aside: Big shoutout to the sucker who paid $200 above face for my pair of tickets last night. Gracias.] Back to the game. Lebron did what Lebron do, and the Cavs won handily.

Charlotte 98, Lakers 83: Road games in the NBA aren’t easy to win. That’s a lesson the Lakers (who feasted on home games the first 2/3 of the season) are now learning. To Kobe’s credit, I’ve never seen a player will a team to a 15 point loss with such tenacity. That guy is a true winner.

Wager

The Lakers second loss in a row allows me to segue into telling you about a bet between me and Clown. On January 14, I said that the Lakers would not win 60 games. At the time, it probably looked like pure craziness and just the talk of a devout Lakers h8r. Los Angeles was 30-9 and appeared to be clicking on all cylinders. However, being a Basketball Expert, I spotted a few chinks in the armor and was able to dupe Clown into a bet. If the Lakers maintain their current pace (I realize this is a pedestrian way to forecast), they will come up just short and win 59 games. But both Clown and I have some points in our favor that could ultimately sway this bet. Let’s take a look.

Positives for me

1. Even after this most recent road trip, the Lakers still have 12 roadies left (out of 19 total).

2. The Lakers are comfortably in the driver’s seat in the West and clearly have no shot of catching the Cavs for the overall #1 seed. With nothing to play for seeding-wise, the Lakers may choose to rest their big men down the stretch. That could cost Clown a few much needed wins. It’s a shame the weakness and lack of depth at the top end of the “B”estern conference may end up hurting Clown in the end.

Positives for Clown

1. As much as I rag on the Lakers, they are an elite team. It’s certainly not out of the realm of possibilities that they shake off their recent slump and get back to their winning ways. And importantly, they don’t play the Cavs again this season, so Clown doesn’t have to worry about the Lakers losing another one to Cleveland.

2. The Lakers may choose to “rest” Kobe for an extended period. So far this year, LA has lost 17 games with Kobe in the line-up and a grand total of zero wthout his services. This, above anything else, is what worries me the most. If Phil Jackson came out and said that he was going to sit Kobe for 5-6 games, I’d forfeit to Clown immediately and save myself the embarrassment of waiting out the inevitable.

Clown vs. NickP: Who ya got?

Quick preview of tonight:

Cavs at Bucks, a cool looking Magic-Bird documentary on HBO, and North Carolina-Duke for the fagball clique.

Another quickie for the crowd: Better Beck album: Sea Change or Odelay?

Good luck Daniel Murphy because it appears that so far in the Spring, friend of MLJ Ike Davis is demonstrating that the hype was not in vain. Though everyone expects Ike to start the season in AAA to keep him cost controlled longer, there are very few who doubt that he’ll be the starting first basemen by June 1st.

USA 6 – Finland 1. We did it, you guys! I think this win over our heated rival puts us in the gold medal game against Canada. It should be thrilling.

/didn’t watch a single second

//nods at hockey hating brethren

Other stuff happened last night, notably in the NBA. Also stuff happened in minor league fag hoops.

I’m leaving for Florida tomorrow morning on a 7:45 AM flight. It’s for work, but it gets me the F out of Cleveland. Currently, there’s an ass pile of snow on the ground with more on the way. If this alters my flight plans at all or, in a worst case scenario, I get Dallas’d — I’m going to kick a kid.

You see, my agitation level is running higher than normal these days. This winter weather is destroying my will to live. It needs to get warm really soon.

/glares at Hef

OK. Enough fun for me. Enjoy your morning.

Oh yeah, quick question for the audience: Better Cusack joint — High Fidelity or Being John Malkovich? Discuss.

The Red Sox are getting a new Spring Training facility down in Florida (thanks tax payers!) and they’ve decided to build a replica of Fenway, the greatest ballpark in the history of evar.  The new facility will combine the grace and beauty of Fenway with the beauty (???) of Florida.

The Green Monster will have a manual scoreboard and seats atop the wall, which will be 310 feet from home plate down the line. The right-field fence will be 302 feet from the plate, and the bullpens will be beyond the fence in right-center, just as they are at Fenway.

“I like the Fenway similarity. The charm of Fenway Park. The Florida look and feel. Not a duplicate of Fenway Park with heavy red brick and New England style. It’s meant to be different and lighter and airier and breezier and more Florida-like.”

Baseball can’t get here soon enough.

The men’s restroom is a haven for deviant behavior, or so I’ve heard, and occasionally witnessed.

Larry Craig cast a wide stance in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport men’s room whilst trolling for the peen.

During a consulting gig at Wright-Patterson AFB, I once saw a Milton Waddams clone walk out of a bank of stalls with a lunch tray.  Empty milk carton, apple core, plate…  I wish I were embellishing that for humor’s sake, but no.

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Cleveland 105, New Orleans 95

Boston 110, New York 106

Portland 102, New Jersey 93

Minny 91, Miami 88

Phoenix 104, OK City 102

LA Lakers 99, Memphis 98

Detroit 101, Sacramento 89

Philly 110, Golden State 102

College Scores

Hot Olympic Chicks below the fold.

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With the release of all-time great, Ladanian Tomlinson, the question now becomes, where will he end up and is there any tread left on the tires.

The answers?  Somewhere shitty and no.

Fuck!

Morning!! Time to get listy on a Sunday morning.

Top Six Seinfeld Episodes, NickP Edition:

6. Merv Griffin Show — What is this, amateur hour?

5. Puerto Rican Day Parade — For many, this isn’t even an average Seinfeld episode, but I love it. The exchange between Kramer, Seinfeld, and George in the apartment-for-sale kills me everytime.

4. Kenny Rogers’ Roasters — “That’s not going to be good for business.” — “That’s not going to be good for anyone.”

3.Elaine and the Video Store Guy — Never go with a Gene Pick.

2. Bizarro Jerry — Sorry…we already have a George.

1. The Hot Tub — This son of a bitch is ice cold!

What am I missing?

To see what happened in sports last night, go here:

http://5z8.info/racist_u1a0o_white-power-rides-upon-stallions-unstoppable