Hey Jake, what do you think of your new teammates since joining the White Sox last summer?

“I couldn’t believe the amount [sic] of rednecks this team had on it. With Jim Thome leading the way and then you meet a guy like Jermaine Dye who you think is going to listen to rap music and he puts country music on and talks about going deer hunting with Mark Buehrle. I said, ‘What is going on here, you know?’ But we have a tremendous bunch of guys.”

Interesting. You know this is on the record, right? As in, I’m printing this shit. You wanna re-word that? No? We’re leaving it as is? Okay sweet, thanks.

Via here.

As we near the midpoint of the NFL Playoffs, some things are certain: the Seahawks are eliminated, the AFC West is terrible, and even though I abhor stats, HERE ARE SOME STATS! Things that are less certain: who’s the best black WR in the NFL?  Also less certain, what the introduction has to do with the ultimate question?

With some help from the Football Outsider’s list of best WR’s in the NFL, here goes:

Sidney Rice, Minnesota: Sure he was held to 2 receptions for 17 yards against the Browns but he was awesome in college.  What that has to do with how good he is in the NFL is beyond me, but hey, we’re just asking questions here.

Ken-yon Rambo, Calgary: Played his college ball Stateside, again, a completely pointless item to prove my point.  The WR of the year in the CFL, Rambo went for 8/136/1 against BC and 9/121/2 against Ham…Ham…Hamilton?  I haven’t seen him, but if he can put up those numbers, he must be good.

Julian Edelman, New England: Sure, he’s not technically “black” but he was a Kent State Golden Flash (joining an elite fraternity: James Harrison, Josh Cribbs, Antonio Gates…none of whom are fulltime WR’s and do nothing to prove that Edelman is actually good).  And sure, he hasn’t exactly “caught a lot of passes,” but that should improve next year.

Honorable Mention: Randy Moss, Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Wayne, Andre Johnson, Vincent Jackson, Megatron, Anquan Boldin, Chad Ochocinco, Greg Jennings, Brandon Marshall, Steve Smith, Marques Colston, Miles Austin and TJ Houshmanzadeh.  We’re sure we missed some names; anything egregious, we’ll add.

I was perusing Metsblog, hoping to read that the organization folded or did something that wasn’t asinine when the site’s founder and principle writer Matt Cerrone put up a post regarding Daniel Murphy. He ended it with this:

Last week on WFAN, host Mike Francesa asked, ‘What is it with the Met fans obsession with Daniel Murphy?’

… that’s easy, because there is a section of the fan pool, of which i am in, who love murphy’s story, i.e., the young kid, dedicated, passionate, sort of an over-achiever, home grown, who loves the game, and who plays hard and works even harder… so, i’ll be the first to admit, because of his story, when murphy struggles, i probably look beyond the results… and, when he does well, like last September, April and this September, i see him on a path to being the next Don Mattingly or Mark Grace… even though, deep down inside, i know there is a chance he could very easily find himself on the bench next season, acting as ‘the next Matt Franco,’ as Joe Janish of Mets Today suggested last month…

Umm…this is how it should have read. Read the rest of this entry »

He fell down the fucking stairs and sprained his ankle. Really. He fell down the fucking dugout steps. What else do I have to deal with? Tits Santana battles for 8 innings. Luis falls down the steps. K-Rod blows the save. Sean Green hits a guy to bring in the winning run (again) and PooHoles hits a Grand Slam to rub salt in the wound. Throw the loss on the pile of shitty losses. Throw the injury on the pile of bizarre injuries. I fully expect Luis to be out for the season only because that is how it works in Metland. At least Eli is about to sign the richest contract in NFL history. September 13th can’t get here soon enough.

Robert E. Lee shows his loyalties

In the early 1860’s, a large group of racist rednecks from eleven different southern states concluded that their neighboring states to the north were trying to impede on their right to continue being racist rednecks. In response, they joined together in an effort to secede from the Union.

“Ya’ll from the north ain’t gonna impede on our right to be racist rednecks,” they proclaimed. “We’re gonna secede from the Union, you crazy sons-a-bitches.”

And so they did. In April of 1861, this particular group, nicknamed The Confederates, attacked their neighbors to the north (interestingly enough nicknamed The Yankees) at Fort Sumter. The leader of the Confederates, Robert E. Lee, continued to lead his men into would-be victorious battles throughout the eastern states. It was a glorious time to be a racist redneck from the south as they would proclaim victory after victory over the Yankees.

“We’re proclaiming victory after victory,” said one unidentified man from Atlanta in late 1862. “It’s such a glorious time since nobody can stop us, especially none of them Yankee bastards. Their darkened hue is no match for our pasty whiteness when it comes to war skills.”

Where am I going with this? Read the rest of this entry »

I was watching The State last night and they had a great skit that I forgot about where mock Dan Cortese was fucking with a Spencer-type fuddy-duddy on a golf course. Thanks to the MTV video Nazis, I couldn’t find that particular skit, but I’m glad it brought me back to a simpler time before the X-Games and the Tony Hawk Slamma Jamma or whatever it’s called.

Back when there wasn’t all of that manufactured x-tremeness, we had MTV Sports hosted by the indefatigable Dan Cortese. Winner of multiple Emmys, Grammys, Oscars and Cable Ace awards, it was a show that helped all of Middle America realize just how uncool we were, what with our not wearing do-rags or lack of inline skating skillz. If you weren’t up on your hacky sack or your motocross polo, then Dan would give you a primer on how to be cool. Another of the niche sports he hipped us up to was Freestyle Frisbee.

I can’t even explain the craziness that goes on in Freestyle Frisbee – you’ll have to check it out yourself. Behold the greatness of Rick “Casio” Castaglia and Amy “Dude” Bekken: Read the rest of this entry »

Just in case you couldn’t have guessed it, two Indian (dots not feathers) pitchers for the Pittsburgh Pirates don’t like references to the current movie that is popular about their people.

Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel have had it up to here with Slumdog Millionaire analogies. Yes, O.K., they get it: They come from impoverished Indian families. Their path out of poverty began with a reality show called The Million Dollar Arm. If you must know, they’ve seen the Oscar-winning Bollywood-inspired blockbuster, and they loved it. Loved it. But the two youngsters wish the Americans they meet — journalists, teammates, the kindly lady at the Walmart checkout line in Bradenton, Fla. — would get over it already.

In related news, Torii Hunter hates it when people ask him about Roots; Ryan Braun disdains people who think his favorite movie is School Ties; and Dustin Pedroia hates it when people ask him if he wants to eat off the kids menu at Dennys.