I’m not sure if it was the weather in each city that was supposed to host a major league game last night, but it seems that I have opened my paper this morning and I found no results for baseball scores. I suppose this is a bit of a godsend, because the injury-riddled Yankees were riding a 4 game losing streak, and it would be a shame if some other fluketastic AL Central team took advantage of those injuries and gave New York another loss. Here’s to the weather being much better today.

You know what did happen last night? Basketball!!!!

Hawks 81, Heat 71: Bennett Salvatore, et al tried to give this game to Miami, but the Heat refused to grasp victory from the jaws of defeat. Dwyayyayne Wade had 22 points on 26 shots, including 1-8 from 3 point land, and Mario Chalmers continues to proves that he belongs in the NBDL with only 4 points and 1 assist. That’s terrible for a starting point guard in the playoffs. What a bunch of suck. 6 players scored in double figures for Atlanta and Zaza Pachulia had a freaktastic 18 rebounds. You go, Euro boy. This series is now tied at two games apiece. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s the most wonderful time of the year right now. There’s basketball on whenever you’re awake. College, NBA, WN… Let’s not get carried away. The point is, there’s lots of basketball on. Life is good. This is your quality start.

Syracuse 127, Connecticut 117, 6OT: Wowza! SIX OVERTIMES! Syracuse and UConn played an all-time classic last night. I tuned in midway through the 3rd OT and figured Syracuse would lose promptly. Instead they kept battling and matching UConn. Some numbers from this game are absolutely staggering.

The big difference last night was at the charity stripe. UConn converted on 24 of 42 free throws while Syracuse downed an impressive 40-51. The game completely changed when UConn big man Hasheem Thabeet fouled out in the 4th(?) OT. Syracuse started attacking the rim and eventually UConn wore down. Read the rest of this entry »

In a meaningless exhibition game, the Western Conference confirmed dominance over their Eastern conference foes behind the superstar play of co-MVPs Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal.. And it wasn’t even close.

Of course, I fell asleep during the halftime show, but I feel like I was there thanks to all of the beautiful photos provided by Yahoo! sports. Read the rest of this entry »

Nothing of note happened in the world of sports yesterday, so you get a bunch of pictures of the two MVPs from yesterday’s exhibition games, Terrell Owens and Kevin Durant. I guarantee that you’ll spend more time looking at pictures than you would have reading anything I typed. Read the rest of this entry »

Good morning, beautiful readers of the greatest website in the Kingdom of Everdom. Sunday marked Clown’s unofficial halfway-point of the NBA season – the point at which teams start taking things semi-seriously instead of the full-on halfassitude that prevails during the first half of the season. Now is when teams will start jostling for playoff position, whether it’s finishing a couple of games under .500 to get that 8th playoff spot, like in the Eastern Conference, or finishing with 50 wins, which is what it will take in the Western Conference to make the playoffs. Let me tell you about some of the doings yesterday in the NBA, or you can just read about how Chris Brown beat up Rihanna.

Spurs 105, Celtics 99: San Antonio beat Boston at their own game, which is stifling defense with a mixture of ho-hum offense. However, the Spurs were able to out-ho hum the Celtics on their way to a dominating, punishing win in Boston. This was the team with the 2nd best record in the West going up against the team with the 2nd best record in the East, on ABC no less, and taking care of business. Tim Duncan had a double double and Clown’s fantasy beast Matt Bonner had 23 points. The Celtics had 5 players hit double digits, but it wasn’t near enough. Pretty much shows me that West > East, but that’s a small sample size, so….

Lakers 101, Cavaliers 91: A flu-ridden Kobe Bryant came out and Willis Reed’d his team to a victory over the team with the best record in the Eastern Conference, in the place where they had previously been unbeaten (against admittedly meager competition). Even at 50%, Bryant was able to go 8-17 from the field and perfect from the foul line. His playing through severe illness was so inspiring that Lamar Odom went absolutely beastmode on Cleveland, going for 28 points and 17 rebounds. Future Global Icon LeBron James had 16 points on 5-20 shooting, including 2-8 from 3 point land. Wally Szczerbiak looked funny with his mask. Read the rest of this entry »

Good morning, ladies and germs. Today’s Quality Start is going to be short and not so sweet and you can blame Rick Barnes. You see, Texas was down 3 last night with 5.5 seconds left and Coach Barnes called a play to heave a full court throw. Of course, you could see what would happen next from a mile away – the Longhorns chunked the ball and it was picked off. Ball game. I was at the game and the only thing that kept from jumping onto the court, chocking Coach Barnes and getting myself arrested was the thought of disappointing the Texas Pom Squad. Anyway, Texas sucks and I hope they go to the NIT because that seems to be the only tournament that they are capable of winning. The only saving grace this season has been seeing the maturation process of Sexy Dexy Pittman. When he gets on a serious NBA conditioning program (like say, P90X), he’s gonna be a beast in the NBA. Buhlee dat.

Major action in the L last night: Read the rest of this entry »

You’ll have to forgive me for I didn’t watch any of your “traditional” sports yesterday. I tried to show that I’m a serious family man so I spent some time cleaning around the house and watching movies. One of the flicks that I caught was Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, which is a laugh out loud roller coaster riot. Nicole Ari Parker is criminally underrated and I would like for her to have my baby one day. I also went a little old school and caught Under Siege last night. I believe that you can’t go wrong with the combination of Steven Seagal’s martial artistry and Erika Eleniak’s naked boobies. As a matter of fact, I just checked out Seagal’s IMDB profile and mini-biography and I came across this gem in the very first sentence:

Steven Seagal is a striking and somewhat boyishly handsome looking (often with ponytail) and usually impeccably dressed action star who burst onto the martial arts film scene in 1988 in the fast-paced Warner Bros. film Above The Law (1988).

Pure genius. I hope my loved ones come up with something half as awesome for any testimonials or obits.

What else did I do? Aw, it doesn’t matter anyway – you don’t give a shit. Let’s just get to the scores: Read the rest of this entry »

The announcement of the O.J. Simpson verdict. The Challenger disaster. Vince Young whooping ass in the Rose Bowl. All of these are huge events that have etched an indelible mark in each of our memories. You’ll never forget where you were when you found out that any of this things happened, and now you can add one more thing to the list: Read the rest of this entry »

Mavericks 98, Clippers 76: The NBA did all they could to make sure the Mavs lost this game by suspending Dirk the morning of the game, but it was to no avail, as Josh Howard finally learned how to dish the ball and hit the boards. He finished with 29 points, 9 rebounds and 7 assists. Jose Juan Barea had 17 off the bench. Eric Gordon and his sweet-as-molasses jumper went 5-12 from the field, including 0-3 from downtown to have 12 points for the Clip Show.

Heat 86, Cavaliers 93: Cleveland kept their home unbeaten streak alive, no thanks to 12 fouls being called on the Heat in the 4th quarter. In a remarkable coincidence, Bennett Salvatore helped the home team yet again.

Hornets 105, Pacers 103: David West’s jumper with 2.5 seconds left sealed the win, as well as a place in cursedcleveland’s heart. If you’ll recall, cursed claims that West is a Jordan/Duncan hybrid, only with more talent and intensity. All-worlder Danny Granger had 34 for the losers.

The rest of the scores can be found Read the rest of this entry »

First of all, I would like to thank Hef for taking over Quality Touchback. I spent all of the weekend in Corpus Christi doing the holiday thing with my extended family and after that debacle of a game on Saturday I refused to watch any football on Sunday. It turns out that me staying away from the tube actually helped the Cowboys, because now all they have to do is win on Sunday and they make the playoffs. You know they will, too – suck it, rekcalsa (if that’s your real name). Anyway, some shit happened in the L last night: Read the rest of this entry »