With the announcement of his retirement today, Major League Jerk has decided that from now on, March 10th will be known as Nomar Garciaparra Appreciation Day.  Every March 10th we will observe the following rituals:

1. We will shout Nomah! at the top of our lungs every half hour from 12 noon to 12 midnight.  Or until we get kicked out of our third bar (oh yeah, since it’s a National Holiday don’t go into work)
2. We will remember fondly the 2002 All-Star Game when Joe Torre brought 5 short stops and Nomar was clearly the best of the lot.  We will also smirk because Cap’n Jetes was the worst.
3. We will lament the string of lousy short stops in Boston since he was traded.  We will openly mock Julio Lugo.
4. We will openly weep at the fact that Nomar was not a part of the greatest comeback in the history of Major League Baseball and that he was not on the field when the team won the World Series in 2004.
5. We will take turns doing our best impression of his shimmy as he stepped in and out of the batters box 10-12 times per at bat.  Extra points if you wear batting gloves to the bar.

This truly is a sad day.  Nomar was my favorite player since he broke into the league in ‘97.  As many will attest I wear his replica jersey whenever we have an official MLJ function.  We’ll miss you Nomar and look forward to seeing you on Baseball Tonight. Read the rest of this entry »

I realize that it’s been nearly a week since Frank Thomas announced his retirement from baseball despite having not played in over a year, but I was out of town since Friday and this is really the first chance I’ve had to share my thoughts. So please excuse my lateness. Oh also, please excuse another blog post about Frank Thomas.

When Frank broke into the league in 1990, I was an 11 year old White Sox fan. To a kid like me, a top 5 list of things to do on a summer day probably looked like this:

5. Steal a pack of Marlboros from the local 7-11
4. Huff some cleaning products
3. Touch the boobies of the 13 year old neighbor girl
2. Clean my room
1. Watch the White Sox on television

So as you can imagine despite my racist upbringing, I was a fan of Frank Thomas’ from the very beginning. No White Sox fan had ever seen a player like this before. 6′5″, at least 250 lbs, looked like he should be the Bears’ middle linebacker, hit the ball a ton, oh and he was only 22 years old? Hells yeah, sign us up. Needless to say, I was hooked. You see, this is something that a non-White Sox fan could never understand. Prior to Frank, we had never had a player like this to root for. Our team’s record books were dominated by names like Dick Allen, Joe Jackson, Bill Melton, and…yeah I don’t know; that’s about it. The all time single season HR record was fucking 37. Yeah we needed this guy. And he delivered. The first time I ever saw him in person was a late-season win against the Red Sox. I still have the program. He went 2 for 2 with 3 walks in 5 PA’s. As we were leaving, I overheard older fans talking to each other as we walked down the ramps to the parking lot, saying things like, “who the fuck is this kid that doesn’t seem to make an out?” and “have you seen my meth?” <—for Spencer. These are my first memories of a man who would pretty much dominate my interests from age 11 until about the moment I saw a vagina in person for the first time.

I understand that non-White Sox fans have difficulty saying nice things about Frank. But to a young White Sox fan like myself, he was all that mattered for a good 5 or 6 years. And for that I’ll be forever thankful.

A television rec after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »

I have been trying to avoid the World Series like the plague. For a Met fan, the 2009 season has been a pile of shit and this series is akin to vomiting on that pile of shit. I can’t stand it. I don’t have a fucking side. I don’t hate one worse than the other. I hate them both. Last night, I spent my time watching the Islanders beat the Rangers, Modern Family on the DVR and South Park. I checked into the game to see, and I shit you not, Two Chase Utley homers, Cliff Lee’s fuck you catch, Lee’s back handed catch and Raul Ibanez’s 2 run single. I turned off the TV after that. No need to watch more. So, I guess I didn’t miss much.

Tonight is different for me. Pedro Martinez is pitching. Please understand, even in that hideous Phillies uniform, I don’t hate Petey. I will never hate Petey. When he threw 8 dominant innings against the Mets this season, I laughed. Typical Pedro. Big moment Pedro. His win in the playoffs against the Dodgers was brilliant. I am enjoying the renaissance. That is not saying the Mets needed to bring him back last year. They did not. The Mets spent 2 and a half years waiting for Pedro to get healthy. It killed the organization. It caused them not to make major in-season moves for a pitcher. It caused them to mix and match AAA pitchers in hopes of his return. But Pedro meant a lot to Met fans. He still does. Read the rest of this entry »

I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to be the 318th blogger on these here Internets to slobbish the knobbish of one Gordon “I need a sweet nickname” Beckham (nickname real). Since his callup to the Major Leagues, he’s come out like gangbusters.

Gang-bust-ers [gang-buhs-ters] – adjective: to start out your big-league career by going hitless in your first 13 at bats while making people think your call-up was premature and desperate, followed by domination for the next 50 games or so.

By now, you all know the story. A little over a year ago, he was the starting SS for the Georgia Bulldogs. Then in the June 2008 amateur draft, he was selected 8th overall by the Chicago White Sox. Admittedly, yours truly was hoping the White Sox would use their pick to select Justin Smoak. But looking back, I guess I had no idea that Beckham was a complete bad-ass. Since he’s only 22 years old, which just so happens to be the same age as Frank Thomas was when he was first called up in 1990, I decided to do a quick comparison. I think it’s only fitting to do it now since Thomas finished with 191 at bats in his first year, which is exactly where Beckham is today.

While looking at those numbers, it’s clear that Frank Thomas was a lot more patient hitter right off the bat (get it? Right off the bat? What, no good?). However, when I look at the power numbers, they’re strikingly similar. Gordon has been a doubles machine while mixing in a HR here and there. In the beginning, Thomas was neither a doubles nor HR machine, but even as a young guy, he had a knack for getting on base. That trait would not leave him throughout his career.

So what does this mean for Gordon Beckham? Well nothing, really. They’re two entirely different kinds of hitters. In fact, you could make a pretty strong case that this entire exercise was a complete waste of time, other than for me to bring up how wickedly awesome Gordon Beckham has been.

Was that a good enough reason? I think so.

Which Major League Jerk stars in the video below?

a.) Spencer096
b.) NickP
c.) clown

[h/t: With Leather]

Don't even act like you're not impressed

On Wednesday night, Albert Pujols went 2 for 2 with 2 walks and a stolen base in 4 plate appearances. Unfortunately, he did not hit a home run, so his projected HR pace dropped from 62 to 61. As we’re all aware, the record for most home runs hit by a Major League player in any one season is 61 by Roger Maris 48 years ago. If anyone in baseball has the ability to break that hallowed record, it’s Albert.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have a healthy baseball crush on Pujols. He’s been the best hitter in baseball just about every season since he’s come into the league in 2001. Somewhere along the way, he also became one of the best defensive 1st basemen as well. Basically the man simply brings it every game and every season. But so far in 2009, he’s been putting his previous seasons to shame. Check out where he ranks offensively in the most recognizable stats: Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a slow week here so I figured might as well just puff piece it up.  This isn’t about my favorite all-time athletes because numbers 1-1,000 would be Bernie Kosar, but the guys I would skip class or meetings to watch.  I don’t necessarily like all these players, but if they were at bat or on the field, I wasn’t getting up for anything.

Barry Bonds: I HATE Barry Lamar Bonds.  I think he’s the single biggest asshole in all of sports and watching him get his just desserts makes me happy, even if it’s completely frivolous and a waste of our government’s money.

But when he was at bat?  Holy fuck was that man the best.

Normally I don’t care about what athletes say or do when they’re not on the field, but in Bonds’ case, that was the single reason I hated him.  He was just THAT big of an asshole that I couldn’t root for him and look myself in the mirror later, but at the same time, if every single baseball player in history was available for a draft in their respective primes and I had the first overall pick, my list would have Bonds either first or second, behind Willie Mays.

Bonds, at the end of his career, was unlike anything ever seen in baseball.  His numbers?  Incomprehensible.  One can only imagine what they’d look like if pitchers actually pitched to him.  When he was at bat, I was watching, and for that brief one to three minute interlude, his talent was such that it made me forget that he was probably the biggest jerk on the planet.  Read the rest of this entry »

He's So Dreamy!

“The Mets love Daniel Murphy so much, they carry his picture around in their wallets.” – Mike Francesa

Normally, I am not prone to quoting Mike Francesa. Really, never. But he dropped that gem on the air about ten days ago and I have been laughing to myself about it ever since. The Met organization loves this kid. So do the fans. First the obvious. He is homegrown. A 13th round pick no one thought much of who came up from Double A last year and hit .313 with a .397 OBP and played left field for the first time in his entire life and made some great catches. Well, the catches should have been routine but whatever, he caught the ball. He had big hits in August and September when the Mets made their run towards the playoffs. He was also the only guy to do anything in the clutch when the other Met hitters choked on their bats and he was the guy who hit a triple with no outs against the Cubs where the Mets could not drive him in culminating in David Wright striking out. It was the moment most looked at over that last choking week of 2008. Well, non bullpen related of course.

But the Daniel Murphy love affair has become a bit crazy, like a teenage romance. We love this kid. Why though? He is a below average fielder with moderate power. But boy can he hit. This kid is so patient. He is one of those guys you see on other teams. The guy who gets the 12 pitch at bat and gets the walk after fouling off everything. The grinder. But is that a cause for love? Partly, but there is more. I had this conversation with a co-worker during Monday’s Met victory. Read the rest of this entry »