He fell down the fucking stairs and sprained his ankle. Really. He fell down the fucking dugout steps. What else do I have to deal with? Tits Santana battles for 8 innings. Luis falls down the steps. K-Rod blows the save. Sean Green hits a guy to bring in the winning run (again) and PooHoles hits a Grand Slam to rub salt in the wound. Throw the loss on the pile of shitty losses. Throw the injury on the pile of bizarre injuries. I fully expect Luis to be out for the season only because that is how it works in Metland. At least Eli is about to sign the richest contract in NFL history. September 13th can’t get here soon enough.

The 2008 season for the Cleveland Indians was a rollercoaster of emotion, to say the least.  It had it’s highs and lows, and in between was a series of tests that tried the dedication of each and every real Indians fan.  But now that the Tribe is officially out of contention for the AL Central throne, it’s finally done, and what a ride it’s been.

I can’t tell you how pumped I was for this upcoming baseball season.  I mean, shit, the Tribe had CC, the reigning Cy Young, another 19 game winner in Fausto Carmona, two sluggers, one of which had a down year that couldn’t possibly happen again, and a young team with recent playoff experience that narrowly lost to the team that swept their way to a World Series ring.  I devoured any preview I could, argued with anyone who said the Tigers were the class of the division and laughed at White Sox fans.  If I could do it over, I’d do it the same way. Read the rest of this entry »

…the Indians, at one point being 37-53, have won 16 of their last 19 to crawl within 10.5 (DOH!) games of the AL Central lead.  Since trading the best pitcher in MLB, they are 28-16, which includes a 3 game loss streak immediately following due to to shock.  They have won 10 straight and are playing the kind of baseball we all expected them to all year.  Remarkable isn’t it?

Now, here’s the fucked up thing…TECHNICALLY, there is still a chance as they’re not mathematically eliminated, and frankly, I think they actually have SOMEWHAT of a chance, just because the White Sox and Twins are both straw houses waiting to be blown down. 

But how did we get here?  How did it reach this point?  Spencer, haven’t you given up on this team multiple times already this season?

The answer to that last rhetorical question is yes…yes, I have given up on them multiple times already, but I haven’t stopped rooting, and that’s the thing.  Unless you’re the Royals, there’s always a chance.  Deep down, I always believed that this team was more capable than what they had shown earlier this year, and because of MY unwavering, albeit private, dedication, and MY dedication alone, the Indians are making a furious comeback of which we have never seen before (ignore the Rockies please…)

So, are there going to be changes abound in my attitude?  You better fucking believe it, lawya.  I’m fucking pulling it all out now, the bravado, the arrogance, the disdain for anything Twin City and Queer Sox related.  And how is it going to end?  WITH A FUCKING ONE-GAME PLAYOFF AGAINST THE NEW YORK YANKEES PLAYED IN A STADIUM IN MILWAUKEE ACCOMPANIED BY RACHEL PHELPS’ UTTER DISMAY WORLD SERIES VICTORY!!! 

It feels good to be back.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not backing any of this…it just feels good to not suck again.

Would you trust a dude who looked THIS retarded to be in the back-end of your bullpen on a regular basis? FUCK AND NO. I want to hunt him for sport.

You want to know why I’ve hired professional assassins to torture and execute Paul Dolan?  Because he’s handicapped Mark Shapiro with his cheap-ass bullshit and now the Tribe has a fucking turrible bullpen, a complete 180 from last year’s dominant unit.  Oh, it also helps to have CC FUCKING SABATHIA TO EAT UP 8 FUCKING INNINGS TO KEEP THE BULLPEN FRESH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Phew…that was close, almost burst a blood vessel in my eye.

Anyways…the bullpen totally ruined my buzz last night.  Here I was sipping on some fine Tullamore Dew, relaxing after a wonderful day at the office where I kicked ass and took names, and settling in to an entertaining Indians game that was tied in the 7th.  So I throw in a big ol’ dipper for the 8th inning and get ready for a tight finish, and what do I get?  This: Read the rest of this entry »

As promised in my pissed off ramblings on The Big Lead, I am not going to look at the future former Mets manager to be former just yet. Instead, I am going to look for ways to fix this team so our fearless leader can bring this franchise back to prominence. So today we continue the Major League Jerk mini-series “Fixing the Mets”. My promise is that this will be a reasonable effort to change things, not a ridiculous fan induced trade-o-rama that involve the Mets getting every All-Star available (or maybe not). So today I bring you part two: Trade ‘Em All

Yesterday, I looked at some quick internal fixes that would help fix the very complicated problem that is Willie Randolph’s New York Mets. Today, I am going to look for trades that will improve the team and change the culture. Some are easy. Some are hard. Some are slightly crazy. But overall all they make sense in their own way. With the emergence of hot shot 33 year old prospect Fernando Tatis, the pressure is off to fill the holes in the outfield or for a right handed presence in the lineup. Or the exact opposite that. This team could also use another starting pitcher and they really need an infusion of personality. My condition for the trades that I am about to present is they are doable and the players involved are in someway available. I used past trade talks and contract status as a guide. I also disregarded yesterdays changes if I felt a trade was doable. So without further ado, my asinine trade proposals that will piss most of you off.

Read the rest of this entry »

Despite our rough exterior, we here at Major League Jerk have a fondness for baseball history and as such we will take some time to look back at some interesting, lesser known bits of trivia.

One of my least favorite expressions as a fan (but not a commentator not surprisingly) is the phrase “Out of it by May” meaning a team that is so obviously bad that one might not even considering the team past May 1st. For Part 1 in the series, I present to you the 1982 Baltimore Orioles.

On May 1st, 1982, the Baltimore Orioles had a record of 6-13 and were 7 games out of first place in the AL East. By May 23rd, they bottomed out at 9 games back, aided by the Boston Red Sox’s impressive 28-13 start. And just as the Red Sox started to fade, the Brewers started to surge. The Orioles looked out of it by mid-April, never mind May.

The Orioles’ offense started slow that season. Eddie Murray had only 6 of his 32 homeruns by June 1st. Cal Ripken Jr., in his rookie season and starting at third base to start the year, had only 3 of his 28 in the same span after hitting a homerun in his first at bat of the season.

Some of the start may have been atributed to issues off the field. Earl Weaver, the legendary Orioles manager, famous for his claim that baseball was about “pitching, defense, and three run homeruns” announced in March that he was going to retire at the end of the year. The struggles over where to play Ripken may have affected his offensive outcome as he settled into a nice groove after he took over shortstop for good in July. There was enough drama surrounding this team that it’s no wonder that people still remember it fondly.

Seriously this division race had all the makings of cliche movie. The Orioles had a roster straight out of central casting: the young rookie with a ton of talent but needing to learn the ropes; the MVP candidate who wasn’t performing up to expectations early; the veteran pitcher nearing the end of his career; enough contribution guys like Jim Dwyer, Ken Singleton, John Lowenstein, Gary Roenicke, and Benny Ayala. And a large enough deficit to surmount to add to the excitement.

On August 3rd, the Milwaukee Brewers took over the division from the Red Sox. This Brewers team was loaded: Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, Ben Oglivie, Cecil Cooper. They led the league in runs scored, homeruns, and OPS. If this was the Bad News Bears, the Brewers would have been the Yankees.

Cut to the montage video of people having fun set to popular music. From August 1st to the end of the season, Eddie Murray had 83 hits 18 homeruns, 12 doubles and an OPS+ of 180 (!). He was hitting everything he saw. Nobody wanted to pitch to him. He had 31 walks, 7 of which were intentional. Ripken came on too, ripping 14 homers after from the start of August. Next thing you know, this team is gaining on the Brew Crew. They put together win streaks of seven and ten. They’re charging like nobody’s business.

On Sept. 4th, they passed the Boston Red Sox and stood 4.5 games back. They kept charging, but the Brewers, with their lineup weren’t exactly tripping over their own feet. You put Paul Molitor and Robin Yount into a lineup and they’re not gonna fall flat on their faces.

So it comes down to the final series of the season. The Orioles are three games back with a four game series against the Brewers. And what happens? The sweep the first three games. They tie the Brewers heading into the last fucking game of the season. And it’s set up perfectly. The Orioles send out Jim Palmer, the only man to win a World Series game in three decades. Sure he’s old but he’s been a reliable veteran like Eddie Harris. And the Brewers are sending out future Hall of Famer Don Sutton who they traded for at the end of August (which makes it even more evil somehow–also, trade deadline? WTF?).

I imagine the game thusly: Palmer goes out and struggles early. The O’s are down by like two runs, but then Palmer reaches down deep, and spends his best stuff before handing the ball off to Weaver and saying, “that’s all I got, Skip.” And then Weaver looks at him with this respectful eye, gives him a nod of the head; maybe there’s a knot in his throat or something, I don’t know if people cried back then. And then Murray or Ripken come out and rip a game winner over the fence. In your face “out of it by May” predicting assholes!

Alas, this comeback goes down in bed wetting history. The Brewers crush the O’s 10-2 including a 5 run 9th inning. Palmer brought a gas can with him to work that day (I knew that was a bad promotion) and lights the mound on fire.

But the best part is that after the team leaves the field, they go into the dugout and the crowd of 51,000+ sticks around. They stay in their seats and start cheering until the team comes back out onto the field like that scene in Little Big League. They’re cheering for 45 minutes by some accounts. The players come back out onto the field and the cheering increases and the crowd roars even louder as Earl Weaver climbs back up the steps. It’s wild and people are going crazy. Baseball!

So fuck you and your “out of it by May” bullshit. This was a great season even if they didn’t win it all and it’s so much better because they looked like they had no shot.

Despite our rough exterior, we here at Major League Jerk have a fondness for baseball history and as such we will take some time to look back at some interesting, lesser known bits of trivia.

One of my least favorite expressions as a fan (but not a commentator not surprisingly) is the phrase “Out of it by May” meaning a team that is so obviously bad that one might not even considering the team past May 1st. For Part 1 in the series, I present to you the 1982 Baltimore Orioles.

On May 1st, 1982, the Baltimore Orioles had a record of 6-13 and were 7 games out of first place in the AL East. By May 23rd, they bottomed out at 9 games back, aided by the Boston Red Sox’s impressive 28-13 start. And just as the Red Sox started to fade, the Brewers started to surge. The Orioles looked out of it by mid-April, never mind May.

The Orioles’ offense started slow that season. Eddie Murray had only 6 of his 32 homeruns by June 1st. Cal Ripken Jr., in his rookie season and starting at third base to start the year, had only 3 of his 28 in the same span after hitting a homerun in his first at bat of the season.

Some of the start may have been atributed to issues off the field. Earl Weaver, the legendary Orioles manager, famous for his claim that baseball was about “pitching, defense, and three run homeruns” announced in March that he was going to retire at the end of the year. The struggles over where to play Ripken may have affected his offensive outcome as he settled into a nice groove after he took over shortstop for good in July. There was enough drama surrounding this team that it’s no wonder that people still remember it fondly.

Seriously this division race had all the makings of cliche movie. The Orioles had a roster straight out of central casting: the young rookie with a ton of talent but needing to learn the ropes; the MVP candidate who wasn’t performing up to expectations early; the veteran pitcher nearing the end of his career; enough contribution guys like Jim Dwyer, Ken Singleton, John Lowenstein, Gary Roenicke, and Benny Ayala. And a large enough deficit to surmount to add to the excitement.

On August 3rd, the Milwaukee Brewers took over the division from the Red Sox. This Brewers team was loaded: Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, Ben Oglivie, Cecil Cooper. They led the league in runs scored, homeruns, and OPS. If this was the Bad News Bears, the Brewers would have been the Yankees.

Cut to the montage video of people having fun set to popular music. From August 1st to the end of the season, Eddie Murray had 83 hits 18 homeruns, 12 doubles and an OPS+ of 180 (!). He was hitting everything he saw. Nobody wanted to pitch to him. He had 31 walks, 7 of which were intentional. Ripken came on too, ripping 14 homers after from the start of August. Next thing you know, this team is gaining on the Brew Crew. They put together win streaks of seven and ten. They’re charging like nobody’s business.

On Sept. 4th, they passed the Boston Red Sox and stood 4.5 games back. They kept charging, but the Brewers, with their lineup weren’t exactly tripping over their own feet. You put Paul Molitor and Robin Yount into a lineup and they’re not gonna fall flat on their faces.

So it comes down to the final series of the season. The Orioles are three games back with a four game series against the Brewers. And what happens? The sweep the first three games. They tie the Brewers heading into the last fucking game of the season. And it’s set up perfectly. The Orioles send out Jim Palmer, the only man to win a World Series game in three decades. Sure he’s old but he’s been a reliable veteran like Eddie Harris. And the Brewers are sending out future Hall of Famer Don Sutton who they traded for at the end of August (which makes it even more evil somehow–also, trade deadline? WTF?).

I imagine the game thusly: Palmer goes out and struggles early. The O’s are down by like two runs, but then Palmer reaches down deep, and spends his best stuff before handing the ball off to Weaver and saying, “that’s all I got, Skip.” And then Weaver looks at him with this respectful eye, gives him a nod of the head; maybe there’s a knot in his throat or something, I don’t know if people cried back then. And then Murray or Ripken come out and rip a game winner over the fence. In your face “out of it by May” predicting assholes!

Alas, this comeback goes down in bed wetting history. The Brewers crush the O’s 10-2 including a 5 run 9th inning. Palmer brought a gas can with him to work that day (I knew that was a bad promotion) and lights the mound on fire.

But the best part is that after the team leaves the field, they go into the dugout and the crowd of 51,000+ sticks around. They stay in their seats and start cheering until the team comes back out onto the field like that scene in Little Big League. They’re cheering for 45 minutes by some accounts. The players come back out onto the field and the cheering increases and the crowd roars even louder as Earl Weaver climbs back up the steps. It’s wild and people are going crazy. Baseball!

So fuck you and your “out of it by May” bullshit. This was a great season even if they didn’t win it all and it’s so much better because they looked like they had no shot.