First of all, let me say that I don’t give a shit about the VMA’s. And that Kanye West is an asshole. What he did was dickish and insensitive. Should we be surprised? No. Of course not. He’s always been like this. Most of us wish his jaw was still wired shut.

Second of all, what makes this Beyonce video so great?  They’re dancing. What a groundbreaking concept. What did the storyboards look like for this video? So a flamboyantly gay black man danced on Ellen. Who gives a shit? Is dancing in an empty room is the modern day equivalent of Thriller. Whatever. I didn’t even know MTV played videos. Shouldn’t the VMA’s be moved to FUSE?

Whatever your feelings about Kanye or MTV, he did have a point. How does the Beyonce video  win Video of the Year, but not best female video? Shouldn’t Taylor Swift have won VotY? How does she have a better female video, but not the better video?

Let’s say we’re giving away awards for the most delicious food. In the category of pizza, pepperoni pizza beats pineapple pizza. Then when we get around to the tastiest food of them all, we name pineapple pizza the winner. How the fuck is pepperoni the tastier pizza, but not the tastier food? It makes no sense.

If A>B then B cannot be >A. It just can’t. That’s fucking math talking. Math. You can’t dispute math. That’s just science. Read the rest of this entry »

The list for this season’s cast of Dancing With The Stars has been announced and ABC may have finally picked the woman that will get me to watch the show. I’m talking about the beautiful and drool-worthy Mya, of course.

As far as sports-related participants former UFC fighter Chuck Liddell (who was good a few years ago), Pro Football Hall of Famer, 3-time Super Bowl Champion and former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, and gold medal winning swimmer Natalie Coughlin will all be in the contest. It’s gonna be nice to finally have a decent looking Olympian on the show. Also, supermodel Joanna Krupa of The Superstars fame will be on the show. Hopefully, her tits fall out.

Other casts members include disgraced former Congressman Tom Delay, singer/entertainer Donnie Osmond, pro skateboarder Louis Vito (no, it’s not a sport), and Mark DaCascos, who I’ve never heard of, but is supposedly on The Food Network.

Also on the show this go-round: Aaron Carter (brother of BSB’s Nick), Macy Gray (actress from Training Day), Kathy Ireland (sold clothes at K-Mart), Ashley Hamilton (son of the ultra-tanned actor), Melissa Joan Hart (from Clarissa Explains It All on Snick), Debi Mazar (fug actress from Entourage), and Kelly Osbourne (the fat one without the glasses on The Osbournes).

After the jump, one of my favorite videos with Mya: Read the rest of this entry »

Really, I just wanted an excuse to post this video so I’ll always have a place for it so my daughter can watch it whenever she wants. Don’t forget, Beyonce will be making her Wow Wow Wubbzy debut the last week of April. We are so totally geeked at Casa de Clown!

I can’t get it to format correctly; you can see the full-frame version here.

Now that I’m a big time blogger, I get weird e-mails. Maybe the most random e-mail I’ve ever received showed up this week. It was from Comedy Central informing me that Warren Sapp was going to be on the dias at the Larry The Cable Guy Roast. It also included a form for credentials. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to LA by Sunday. It is nice to know that I’ve made it.

Ten days ago, KSK opined on Dan Marino being a part of the roast. The release I received didn’t mention Marino, but I’m sure he’s one of the distinguished “others.” Unless Sapp sacked Marino!? (I feel like I’m working at Entertainment Weekly.) Here are the comedy Gods that you can look forward to seeing on March 15th.

Nick DiPaolo, Jeff Foxworthy, Greg Giraldo, Toby Keith, Lisa Lampanelli (Roastmaster), Maureen McCormick, Jeffrey Ross, Warren Sapp, among others.

Did you guys hear that? Among others… That could literally be anyone. (And what the fuck is Maureen McCormick doing there? Was Eve Plumb busy? /zing)

Anyway, it’s nice to see Warren Sapp continue to expand his post-NFL resume. First Dancing With The Stars, now a Comedy Central roast. Next? Celebrity Apprentice 3? Project Runway: Big & Tall?

This is the Christian Bale I know

To be honest, I couldn’t pick Christian Bale out of a line up.  I know the name, and I know he’s a huge star, but I haven’t seen many of his movies.  No, I haven’t seen the Dark Knight yet and realize I’m probably the only person under 75 that can say that.  I will, it’s on my bucket list.  Actually, the last Christian Bale movie I saw was Empire of the Sun, which was filmed in 1987 and Bale was only 13.  I’m guessing physically, he’s changed a lot since then. 

I remember when this story came out alleging that he had assaulted his mom and sister at some hotel in London.  I remember thinking what kind of maniac assaults their mother or sister.  The story was then swept under the rug.  I remember reading somewhere that his mother and sister were attempting to extort money from him, and he did fly off the handle.  None the less, charges were dropped.

That brings us to yesterday when I first heard this clip of Christian Bale verbally fucking some guys world up.  I couldn’t believe it.  I haven’t heard someone get screamed at like that since Fetch last forgot a Quality Start (Hef can be angry in the mornings).  Apparently, the Director of Photography walked onto the set during a shoot.  I thought Chris Berman was totally nuts bitching about the same thing.  Christian Bale’s blowup was 1000x worse.  Bale threatens to quit the movie if this DP wasn’t fired.  He acts like a spoiled movie star who thinks everyone should worship the ground he walks on.  He might be a good actor, but fuck this guy right in the ass if he doesn’t know how to treat people.

Maybe you are willing to dismiss this as a little tantrum if you’re a huge Bale fan.  Since I was impartial to the guy before, I now have formed an opinion about him that he is a whiny, diva-like psycho dick head.  If someone ever talked to me like this, you can bet there would be some furniture moving in that place.

Use headphones, language definitely NSFW.

I don’t even know if they sell Cadbury bars here in Texas. I’ve never noticed them anyway.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVblWq3tDwY]

Who’s gonna win the official MLJ Pop & Lock in Mexico? Not to brag, but I already have five routines to this song alone. Stay tuned.

H/T: The Daily Endorsement

Yesterday clown pleaded with you to go  vote for the Foreman Grill in CNBC’s As Seen On TV tournament. Luckily, not enough people read this blog for it to have made a difference. Today, ShamWow will be crowned winner after it garnered 55% of the votes.

I am quite pleased with the results. See, clown missed the point. As Seen On TV isn’t about what product works the best or is the most useful. It’s about being utterly ridiculous and kind of useless. ASOTV products shouldn’t actually work and you shouldn’t actually own.

The argument for the ShamWow is that it costs 19.95 and lasts for 10 years. Combine that with the fact that they tell you that you spend $20 a month on paper towels and…

$240 a year x 10 years = $2400 – 19.95 = 2381.05 in savings over the next 10 years! That’s fucking ridiculous!

So when you show me something that I can use as a towel for my dog as well as a bathmat, it’s going to stick with me. Esepcially when it’s pushed by a weirdo like Vince. Read the rest of this entry »

My good friend Darren Rovell at CNBC is having an “As Seen On TV” tournament, where people have been voting to on the best, er, As Seen On TV product. The final matchup is between the ShamWow and The George Foreman Grill. Now, maybe I’m a little bit biased, but I have enjoyed the fruits of the Foreman Grill going all the way back to the day when you could only fit one pattie at a time and it cost four three easy payments of $29.99 (plus S/H). I have enjoyed so many delicious foods from this product and it’s a shame that the contest is even close.

I’ve actually tried both products; the wife got a ShamWow as a Christmas gift and I gotta tell you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It doesn’t sop up shit like it’s supposed to, and it looked beat up after I put it in the washing machine. It didn’t look new like it does in the commercial. Also, the Vince guy talks funny.

So go do the right thing and vote for Foreman grill. Remember: America > Germany.

I wish I could figure out why Michael Jai White isn’t a bigger star. Yeah, I’ve done some research on the topic, but it all points back to America and Hollywood being totally and completely racist, and I just don’t want to believe that is true.

Anyway, he recently presented this ultrasuperduper awesome blaxplotation flick called Black Dynamite at Sundance and the good news is that has been picked for general release by Sony. Perhaps now the rest of America will pick up on what us cool people have known about for awhile: Michael Jai White is the one.

Trailer for the flick after the jump is NSFW for language, tits and seizure-inducing badassery. Read the rest of this entry »

1) Read the rest of this entry »