Say you’re a whore and you’re thinking to yourself, “bitch, I wanna make some real fuckin’ money.”

Now, say there’s an upcoming event scheduled with people flocking in from all across the globe where a person of your line of work could potentially make a large sum of money.  But say this country was also home to 5.7 million people with AIDS.

Would England sending 42 million condoms to this country make you actually want to go?

Hmm…

Really nice write up by Joe Pos as usual on the subject of cheating and methampetimenes in the age of the mythical ballplayer in response to an overly romantic review of the new Willie Mays biography.

The offending paragraph goes something like this:

“Above all, the story of Willie Mays reminds us of a time when the only performance-enhancing drug was joy.”
– Pete Hamill

The above sentence — which concluded Pete Hamill’s New York Times review of James Hirsch’s excellent Willie Mays book — has been batted around a bit on the Internet the last few days. It has been batted around mainly because, well, with all due respect, it’s ridiculous. As more than one person cynically has written, and more than a few hundred cynically have thought: “I didn’t know that joy was another word for amphetamines.”

The nice thing about this post by the Pos is that it avoids the usual fire and brimstone creed that usually accompanies the subject of drug usage (especially PEDs) in baseball and instead changes the focus to the notion of romanticism about America’s pastime.  Baseball has always been about gaining an edge and to sentimentalize some while vilifying others completely misses the point.  As always I come down on the side of regulation [Ed. Note--goddamn socialists are ruining our country] as it provides the needed balance between what the players are willing to do and what they’re able to get away with.  As always, Pos ends on a great note:

But when it comes down to it, I guess my big issue with Pete Hamill’s romantic essay is there never really was a long-ago time in America when there was a beautiful game called baseball. The game, for better and worse, is as beautiful now as it ever was.

In a related note, MLJ will be posting its first ever review of a book that was sent to us for promotional use this week (or next week…or whenever). This marks the second time in site history where we were taken seriously enough to be given stuff to promote (Thanks, dicktowel!). We are also working on setting up an interview with the book’s author for a later time. No, this does not mean our content is changing. It just means some PR firm doesn’t fully understand how to read for content.

In what can only described as “earth shattering news,” a famous athlete with a large amount of money in his bank account somehow managed to land a far better looking woman than he otherwise would have been able.  This woman whose name is unknown and whose profession, if she even has one, is unclear, has become the talk of the sporting world.

“This is the kind of news that makes covering sports fun again.  We get so tired of constantly writing about sports as a sports blogger that when a story like this comes along, and it really is a doozy, it makes the entire process worthwhile again,” said one noted sports blogger.

“Seriously,” he continued, “We don’t know why every single person in the whole world isn’t spending more time on this subject.  Us could fill seven or eight posts analyzing where they met, who introduced them, what their politics are, and this is before we even find pictures of them at his sporting event together.  We mean, the possibilities are really endless.”

The news of this event is leaving not just sports writers breathless.  Blog commenters are also expressing their shock.

“I mean, wow, would you look at that.  Can you imagine ever finding a girl like that to be interested in you?”  said one noted sports blog commenter before adding.  ”Kobe sucks.”

Evolutionary Scholar, Dr. Clive Anderton had this to say: “While I wouldn’t necessarily call it the ‘goal’ of evolution to improve upon the genetics of one’s children I would say that this is an extreme example of a woman doing far worse than she otherwise could have.”  He added: “While women have long been understood to be the sex that is willing to look for comfort in other things like security, cleverness, or intellect, this woman seems to have made her decision based solely on the average looking athlete’s ability to buy her shiny stuff.”

Commissioner Bud Selig, eager to prove that his legacy as head of Major League Baseball will almost exclusively be remembered as “the guy in charge when steroids pissed everyone off” has decided to dip his toe into the arena of PEDs once again by instituting a blood test for minor leaguers that will check for HGH.

The newspaper, citing an unidentified baseball official with direct knowledge of the matter, reported on its Web site Tuesday night that MLB will implement blood tests that can reveal HGH use.

On Monday, a British rugby league player became the first athlete to be suspended for using human growth hormone.

Commissioner Bud Selig has used the minor leagues to introduce new steps against the use of performance-enhancing drugs before.

Baseball historically has not tested for HGH because there is not a validated urine test.

I for one welcome our new drug testing overlords as it will once again even the playing field between those with natural ability and those with natural ability AND a willingness to do freakish things to their body in the name of money and fame.  Personally I think every athlete should be injecting every known substance possible into their body for my entertainment.  After all, these aren’t people.  These are trained entertainment drones who help me pass my time.  I pay your salary, asshole!

Todays column that attempts to grade the offseason comes from ESPN’s Jayson Stark who I like despite his propensity for saying things that often drive me crazy. Nonetheless, Stark takes a different approach than some by enlisting the help of “of 20 baseball wise men [to take] part in our annual spring-preview survey.”

The overwhelming consensus is that the Seattle Mariners improved dramatically this offseason and there’s really no way to deny it. They added a Cy Young winner behind Felix Hernandez, replaced a GG third basemen with one that actually got on base last year (and has a good glove).

On the NL side, the verdict is that the Arizona Diamondbacks are the most improved adding:

But if you’re looking for a dark horse, how about the Diamondbacks? [Ed Note--WHOOO!!!] Toss Edwin Jackson into a rotation with Dan Haren and a healthy Brandon Webb, and there might be no team in the league that can top that 1-2-3 array. Adam LaRoche, at $6 million for one year in that ballpark, could be a great signing. And Kelly Johnson, Bobby Howry, Ian Kennedy and Aaron Heilman provide useful inventory, if nothing else. Nobody is going to pick this team over the Rockies, Dodgers or Giants. [Ed Note--Ahhhh]  But the D-backs sure did get a lot of votes in this survey.

All in all, a nice read.

It’s Sadie’s world and we’re all just renting space.

I didn’t watch a single minute of the Westminster Dog Show, but I’ve got to give credit where credit’s due, and when a REAL terrier wins this shit (not one of those pussy “terrier’s” like a Yorkshire or some other toy shit), well, credit’s fuckin’ due.  So here’s your credit, Sadie the Scottish Terrier.

Now, if only those bitchy protesters hadn’t stolen Sadie’s one shining moment, maybe we could’ve had a wonderful ceremony.

Listen, I get it…dog shelters are fucked up places and the Westminster Dog Show is the epitome of everything that is wrong with dog owner culture.  We probably should adopt more pets instead of getting pure-bred dogs, but at the same time, is this the best place to stake your case?  I mean, chances are good, if you’re watching a fucking dog show on TV that you have your mind set well in advance about what kind of dog person you are.  For example…I’m an Airedale Terrier dog person…I don’t think I’ll ever own a dog that isn’t a pure bred Airedale (specifically, Oorang Airedale’s…they’re bigger, darker and more aggressive thanks to the Oorang kennel’s mass breeding in the 20’s and 30’s), so really, you’re not going to convince me and a bunch of other dog snobs to adopt.

And going to ground zero for dog nuts?  What were you thinking?  These motherfuckers carry around their dog’s family tree with them and name their pooches shit like “Leandro’s Fountain of Youth VII.”  Their parents probably showed dogs.  They’re all from fucking Connecticut.  You really think that by holding up a sign and not being naked that you’re going to suddenly convince people who are ALL dog crazy to say to themselves, “you know what, forget this, I think I’m going to adopt a mutt.”? Read the rest of this entry »

Nice write up about the sudden balance of power between the Cactus and Grapefruit Leagues over at Fanhouse this week which only has me more excited for baseball to start (which I imagine might have been the point).

For the first time in forever, Florida and Arizona share an equal portion of the Spring Training duties with each state housing 15 teams.  This is awesome for mooks like me because now I get to see even more teams than I normally would.  For the most part I try to spend as much time catching AL teams as possible during March since Phoenix is a NL town the rest of the year

Since last year’s Spring Training Site Preview was a success (or at least we got a lot of positive feedback from it) I’m going to continue that tradition this year by visiting the new parks on the edge of Phoenix.  I’ll even take requests if anyone is visiting from out of town and needs some advice on where to stay, eat, or drink.  For now I plan on visiting: Read the rest of this entry »

This isn’t sports related, but you know what?  I don’t care.  Not one bit.

See, there are these little things in life, these little instances where someone else, someone you don’t even know, does something to get under your skin so badly that you want them dead.  Well, maybe you don’t wish them dead, but I sure do, and today was one of those days where I was acted a fool upon, yet in the end, karmic justice was served.

Today, as if my morning wasn’t bad enough after waking up at 530 with the worst dry mouth in the history of the world, I had a traffic filled shithole drive that was filled with my right of way being shat upon by the most awful of drivers…women.  Now, I’m not one to advocate violence towards women, but some of these fucking yeast infected labias deserved to have their fucking skulls beat in with a tack hammer.  Why the fuck do you need an Escalade XL to drive your one fucking child to fucking school?  Oh, just go ahead lady, no I wasn’t waiting to make a left here, feel free to park your ass and totally slam shut my window of left-turning opportunity.

Fuckin’ bitches.

Anyways…so here we are, finally getting some road trip momentum when all of the sudden, a fucking Chevy Aveo decides to tail my ass, despite the fact that WE JUST HAD A FUCKING BLIZZARD and the roads are just awful.  We come to an intersection, and this guy flies into the turn only lane just to get ahead of me, even though I was going over the speed limit to begin with, but this isn’t the asshole move.  I couldn’t have cared less if he decided to pass me and continue on at his current speed, but what I would mind is if he passed me and decided to slow the fuck down to 25mph, making me go even slower than that.

Thanks buddy.

Just hang on…here comes the schadenfraude. Read the rest of this entry »

Fanhouse released their list of X factors for AL teams and for the most part they’re pretty benign.  I mean, who really cares if they think that Travis Hafner is the X Factor of the Indians this year or if Mike Cameron is the key to the Red Sox success.  But I downright started laughing when I saw the Royals’ X Factor:

Royals: Jason Kendall, catcher. This isn’t a guy who’s ever going to hit 30 homers. But if his pitch calling behind the plate can keep the Royals pitchers in check, perhaps Kansas City fans will have something to look forward to this summer. When Kendall arrived on the scene in Milwaukee two years ago, the team ERA dropped from 4.41 to 3.85. Can he do it again?

Wow, that’s just…wow.  How bad are the Royals if Jason Kendall is the key to their team taking the next step?  I mean, I personally might have gone with [scans roster...fails to recognize anyone on roster other than Kendall and Zack Greinke...] uh…Brian Bannister?  Since his spot in the rotation could bolster their…something.

Then again, some moron might read this and choose the Royals to win the AL Central again.

According to inside sources, signing Jon Garland, an inning-eating pitcher who will spend the bulk of this season pitching at the canyon known as Petco Park, was much smarter than spending $10 million on Ben Sheets, an injury prone fastball pitcher who hasn’t thrown more than 120 innings in the past 6 years.

That’s right, spending twice as much money on a 31 year old pitcher who didn’t throw even one inning last year, fresh off surgery on his throwing elbow was not as smart as paying half as much on a workhorse who is all but guaranteed to have better stats this year when he moves to a pitcher’s park.  Oh, and Sheets is also eligible for $2 million more in incentives.

In other news, you want to buy stocks low and sell them high.

p.s. Look at Tim Marchman’s picture.  Is there any part of you that doesn’t want to punch that look off his face?