Later today, the Arizona Diamondbacks are expected to announce that they signed Justin Upton to a 6 year contract extension worth just more than $50 million. I’m not sure what “just more” means, but let’s assume it means $1 or $2 million. After all, making assumptions is a lot more fun than waiting for the official announcement. So let’s see, that’s nearly $9 million per season for the next 6 years. Since Upton started in 2007, this deal essentially buys out his remaining arbitration seasons as well as his first two free agent seasons.

I have to say, I love this deal for the Diamondbacks. For both sides, really, but let’s set aside for a moment the fact that a 22 year old kid just got a gi-normous pay raise; that was going to happen anyway. So let’s just look at this from the team’s perspective: How much money would Justin Upton make in arbitration? Well that’s hard to say, but basing this on recent comps and assuming that Justin Upton continues to put up numbers similar to 2009 (My guess is we look back on his 2009 season as the shitty one), he’d probably get anywhere from $30 to $35 million even before he hit free agency. And from there, we’re looking at $15 million per season.

So essentially this deal does two things for the Diamondbacks:

1. It [potentially] saves them a boatload of money over the course of 6 years.
2. It allows them to avoid arbitration [which everybody hates] on a player who’s already fucking awesome at baseball and who should continue to improve as he gets older.

This is a solid organizational move. Like the exact opposite of something the Royals would do.

A+

Earlier today the NY Mets traded right-handed relief pitcher Brian Stokes to the Anaheim Angels for outfielder Gary Matthews Jr. I wasn’t going to mention it, but I figured there’s enough of us here who either root for the Mets and want to vent some frustration in the comments or hate the Mets and want to point and laugh at all the Mets fans who are venting their frustration in the comments. Some of the details:

• Gary Matthews Jr. is crazy overpaid to the tune of 2 more years and $23.5 million.
• Brian Stokes is an average reliever going from the NL to the AL.
• Gary Matthews Jr. sucketh at baseballth.
• The Angels will pay all but $2 million of Matthews’ remaining salary. The Mets will pay the rest.
• For the Mets, Matthews will either be a horrible starting outfielder or a replacement off the bench that his manager will be afraid to call upon, depending on how he’s used.
• For the Angels, Stokes will be one of those guys who their fans forget by 2011 when he’s traded again.

That’s about it, really. To me, it’s just one more organizational move that puzzles me much like the Royals signing of Rick Ankiel and the White Sox trading for Juan Pierre. I can see why the Angels made this move I guess; they’re getting marginal value in return for a guy who would have provided them with absolutely nothing in 2010 or 2011. But the Mets? I just don’t get it. Why would they want to give $2 million dollars to a guy who sucks if they didn’t have to, and why would they offer up a useful reliever for the right to do so? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to simply sign a Type B free agent off the street and save the reliever?

Whatever, Omar Minaya is an idiot.

Answer after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »

No one in the entire history of the written word has said a negative thing about Ernie Johnson. He’s the best studio host out there and he’s a paragon of virtue who is well-known off the screen for his charitable activities. Not only that, he’s a survivor of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Basically, he’s the only white guy from the ATL that I’ve ever found tolerable.

How did the fuckstains from Philly think it was appropriate to greet Mr. Johnson when he tries to present the NLCS trophy to Phillies management? They booed him. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise – these are the same assholes who cheered when they thought Michael Irvin was paralyzed, not to mention also throwing batteries at Santa Claus.

Kevin Kaduk over at the Big League Stew was apoplectic that the Rockies/Phillies game started so late.

Yep, the only way I knew the Phillies had taken a 2-1 series lead was by looking through contact-dried eyes at my phone when a blaring commercial on TBS woke me back up at 4.

Should I — as someone who loves baseball and gets paid to follow it — have downed a Red Bull or started a cocaine habit to stay up and watch the game? Some people might say yes.

But while those “some people” apparently work for Major League Baseball, I’m going to stand by my original thought that scheduling a playoff baseball game involving an East Coast team and Denver night-time temperatures in the low 30s for a start time of 10:07 p.m. ET ranks as the silliest of all of baseball’s all-time silly decisions.

I know that it’s not cool to defend Major League Baseball or TBS or any of “the suits, maaaan”, but what other options did they have for a makeup game? Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to Quality Start. I’ll be your fearless leader reviewing the highlights of last night’s fantabulous baseball action. Let’s get right to it.

Cards 8, Cubs 3: Two things: A) The Cubs and their ginormous payroll are now sitting fifth in the NL Central. That makes me smile. 2) Albert Poopholes is gearing up for one of the best offensive seasons ever. He jacked #32 last night, and he’s hitting .336 on the season. Crazy.

Reds 3, Mets 0: By taking game 1 of three game set, the Reds proved once again that they are the superior franchise. Roman, when you asked if I wanted to go to a Mets game today, I didn’t put two and two together and realize they were playing the Reds. Take your daughter instead. She’ll enjoy watching a real team play, love the uniforms, and no doubt become a life long fan. Joey Votto and Laynce Nix hit bombs in the victory. Also, the Mets traded for Jeff Francouer yesterday. He’s one of the worst everyday players in professional baseball. He doesn’t get on base, can’t field particularly well, and no longer has much power. The player he was traded for, Ryan Church, is an okay hitter and above average fielder. This is one of the dumbest deals I’ve seen in recent memory. Sorry again Roman.

Dodgers 12, Brewers 8: The Dodgers did the Reds a solid last night by beating the Brewers in the extra innings. Seven homers were hit in the game, including one by Russell Martin. It was only his second homer of the year. I was becoming increasingly convinced Martin turned into a woman in the offseason. How else to explain his meager .319 slugging percentage?

Rangers 6, Mariners 4: Hank Blalock, Michael Young, and Nelson Cruz went yard last night to lead Texas to the win, maintaining their 0.5 game lead in the AL West. Also yesterday, the Mariners traded their shortstop, Yuni Betancourt, to the Royals for a couple of fringy arms. Yuni Betancourt was probably the worst starting shortstop in MLB, and he is owed a lot of money the next three years. Apparently, Royals GM Dayton Moore is in love with low OBP, poor fielding position players. Maybe he thinks he’s found a new market inefficiency!

Red Sox 1, Royals 0: Tough loss for saber-fave Brian Bannister. He went 7.2 innings, striking out 7 and giving up the lone run on a Dustin Pedroia double. Jon “Cancer Survivor” Lester went 8 scoreless innings to pick up the win for Boston.

That’s it for me. Enjoy your Saturday, y’all.

Don't even act like you're not impressed

On Wednesday night, Albert Pujols went 2 for 2 with 2 walks and a stolen base in 4 plate appearances. Unfortunately, he did not hit a home run, so his projected HR pace dropped from 62 to 61. As we’re all aware, the record for most home runs hit by a Major League player in any one season is 61 by Roger Maris 48 years ago. If anyone in baseball has the ability to break that hallowed record, it’s Albert.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have a healthy baseball crush on Pujols. He’s been the best hitter in baseball just about every season since he’s come into the league in 2001. Somewhere along the way, he also became one of the best defensive 1st basemen as well. Basically the man simply brings it every game and every season. But so far in 2009, he’s been putting his previous seasons to shame. Check out where he ranks offensively in the most recognizable stats: Read the rest of this entry »

Stand tall, Old Girl. You're witnessing greatness

Did you know that a certain Major League Baseball team is currently riding an 11 game winning streak? I’ll answer that question for you. No, you did not know that. The fact is, you’ve been too busy selfishly keeping track of the daily goings-on of more popular teams. More popular teams that, incidentally, have not won 11 games in a row.

So, can you guess which team I’m talking about that’s on an 11-game winning streak? Is it the Giants? No it’s not. But I’ll give you a hint. This mystery team is in the National League.

The Marlins?

No again.

The Mariners?

No silly, they’re not even in the NL. What are you, fucking retarded? Do you even like baseball? Keep guessing.

Is it the Astros?

No but you’re getting closer.

Wait, how am I getting closer?

Well the Astros have recently lost a World Series.

Oh, so you’re saying this team also recently lost a World Series?

Precisely.

Ok, is it the Tigers?

I really hate you. No, the answer is the Colorado Rockies.

The Colorado Rockies? They’re still in the league?

Read the rest of this entry »

While I watch Randy Johnson give my fantasy team a bad name against the Mets, here are some random thoughts on a few of the games this evening:

I'm As Dumb As I Look

Dodgers @ Florida: Russell Martin, where the fuck did your power go? You’re hitting .277 (just fine), OBP’ing .394 (very nice), and slugging .328 (not a misprint). You have zero homers and six doubles. Luckily for you and the Dodgers, there are plenty of solid bats to make up for your woeful lack of power. However, tonight you’re going to have to step it up because with Eric Milton (!!!) on the bump for you, you’ll need runs. A bunch of them. ERIC MILTON! Check this out. How do guys like him still get work? Sidney Ponson just smiled because he’s no longer the worst starting pitcher in Major League Baseball.

Colorado @ Pittsburgh: Ian Snell is a guy who could be something special if he could ever figure out where the strike zone is. He has good stuff, misses a lot of bats (swinging strike average of 9% is nice), and doesn’t give up many homers. That said, his 4 walks per 9 innings so far in his career have doomed him to the 1-2 WAR middling starter territory, and I fear that’s where he’ll stay. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, but he could have been so much more. Tonight, he takes the hill against Aaron Cook.

Cincinnati @ San Diego: Last year the Reds had the fourth worst defense in the league, according to UZR. Despite good-to-excellent defensive from Brandon Phillips, Joey Votto, and Jay Bruce, way too many innings went to Jeff “I wish I had Jeter’s Range” Keppinger, Adam Dunn, Edwin Encarnacion, and the expired corpse of Ken Griffey, Jr. This year, Keppinger, Dunn, and Griffey are gone, replaced by Willy Taveras, a now healthy (at least for now) Alex Gonzalez, and a Laynce Nix/Jerry Hairston platoon. So far this season the Reds have the third best defense in the league. Also, the team ERA is second in the NL. Coincidence? I think not.

Some more baseball here.

Enjoy your evening.

This is the only picture on the entire Internets of Micah Hoffpauir

The NL Central in mid-May is an essential tie for first between 4 teams that suck followed by an essential tie for last by 2 teams that suck even worse. How’s that for an attention-getter? If you don’t recall Roman’s format for giving you the NL East update on Tuesday, click here. I liked it so much that I’m copying it.

The Albert Pujols Award: Albert Pujols. He continues to be Albert Pujols, while leading the team in Most Inaccurate Birth Certificate. Once a week or so I like to go his ESPN player page just to see his projected stats for the year. Don’t judge me. Right now he’s on pace for 63 HR’s, 171 RBI’s, 107 walks, only 54 strikeouts, and an OPS of 1.124. That doesn’t even sound that unrealistic, does it? He’s pretty good at baseball.

The Ryan Braun Award: Ryan Braun. He continues to be Ryan Braun. He also had a pretty good week with 4 games in a row with at least 2 hits. Plus he looks like one of PJ’s close friends on “My Boys”. No not Gaffigan or the bald dude, the guy who runs a bar.

The Rickie Weeks Award: Rickie Weeks. It seems that Rickie Weeks has finally started to become Rickie Weeks. This year he’s been running like Hayes and hitting like Mays, whatever the fuck that means. Weeks still strikes out quite a bit and isn’t walking all that much, but he’s starting to kill the ball. He’s on a 3 game HR streak. He’s so fine he blows my mind (no ghey).

The Micah Hoffpauir Award: Micah Hoffpauir. This guy needs to play more. Derrek Lee needs to play less. Cub fans need a new player to blame for their failures. I’m thinking a 4-A player and career minor leaguer with odd expectations fits that bill quite nicely.

The Cincinnati Reds Award: Cincinnati Reds. You may not have noticed, but they’ve been pretty good this year. They’re coming off of an impressive sweep in Arizona and look to continue their winning ways with a weekend series in San Diego. It looks like Joey Votto and Jay Bruce have accepted their roles as offensive superstars. Votto was out a good portion of the week due to dizziness (swine flu?), but he looks to be all better. He had lots of orange juice and stuff. Don’t sleep on Cincinnati though. They’ll put up some runs and they have a pretty decent staff. Johnny Cueto is a keeper.

The Shitty Teams Award: Shitty Teams. Both of them are pretty shitty, although Pittsburgh’s run differential is currently at zero. I expect them to win a few games here and there, but lots of extended losing streaks like the 8-game one from last week. I also think the entire baseball world is coming to the realization that Andy LaRoche just isn’t any good. Then again, I’d take him in a second on my White Sox (kill me). Read the rest of this entry »