In honor of one of the funniest things we’ve ever done, and since it’s Selection Sunday I thought I’d repost our numbers bracket from last year. Don’t forget to sign up for our Bracket Competition.

Everybody loves a great number, especially if it’s in the one through sixty-four range. Some of you probably have your own rankings of your favorite numbers one through sixty-four. In the spirit of the NCAA Tournament, we here at Major League Jerk will be holding our own tournament of the top 64 numbers of all time (in the one through sixty-four range).

Today, we present to you the bracket. There was very little arguing that took place amongst the committee of Jerks who made up the field. Some wanted to include pi, but a later vote concluded that that would have been silly.

We expect there to be absolutely no uproar over the rankings because this is completely arbitrary and stupid. One thing of interest, at least to me, is that in the “Bracket Tournaments are really gay” region, the number thirteen was a 13-seed. What, you don’t think that’s cool? What were the odds?

Anyway, without further ado, click here for The Bracket. Individual regions and seedings are after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Last summer, a friend of mine invited a handful of his closest friends to fly out to Jersey to visit his family, who have a couple houses on the Jersey shore. It was being billed as a guy’s weekend of drunken shenanigans. Of course I was in. Prior to this trip, I was never made aware of the kinds of people who live and hang out in this part of the country. Even looking back, I’m not sure how this kind of information escaped me in the first 30 years of my life, but I had no idea that the entire region was filled with guys who are no taller than 5′2″ and who all weigh at least 200 pounds. When I got there, it was a complete culture shock. Dudes wearing Affliction t-shirts and gold chains and hanging out in packs. Up until then, I had never even heard of Affliction t-shirts, yet here I was, surrounded by them. Read the rest of this entry »

I am all about protecting David Wright. The man got hit in the head and had a concussion.Rawlings released a new batting helmet to provide better protection. Unfortunately, the helmet makes him look like a tool. Really, can we not come up with a cooler way to keep David’s head safe?  He looks like this guy for fuck’s sake: Read the rest of this entry »

I was watching The State last night and they had a great skit that I forgot about where mock Dan Cortese was fucking with a Spencer-type fuddy-duddy on a golf course. Thanks to the MTV video Nazis, I couldn’t find that particular skit, but I’m glad it brought me back to a simpler time before the X-Games and the Tony Hawk Slamma Jamma or whatever it’s called.

Back when there wasn’t all of that manufactured x-tremeness, we had MTV Sports hosted by the indefatigable Dan Cortese. Winner of multiple Emmys, Grammys, Oscars and Cable Ace awards, it was a show that helped all of Middle America realize just how uncool we were, what with our not wearing do-rags or lack of inline skating skillz. If you weren’t up on your hacky sack or your motocross polo, then Dan would give you a primer on how to be cool. Another of the niche sports he hipped us up to was Freestyle Frisbee.

I can’t even explain the craziness that goes on in Freestyle Frisbee – you’ll have to check it out yourself. Behold the greatness of Rick “Casio” Castaglia and Amy “Dude” Bekken: Read the rest of this entry »

The Cleveland official visitors website got all pissed at the hastily made tourism videos, so they had a contest for residents of Cleveland to create a real tourism video. I guess the point of them would be to show that there’s more to Cleveland than two buildings, questionable art, and guys using payphones. So after a whopping 36 entries, they announced 2 winners. I watched the first one. It makes me not want to go to Cleveland even more. At about the 1:00 mark, this woman has her kids dancing in front of a clinic. A clinic? Really?

Fun times in Cleveland to-DAY!!!

Our buddy Clown was able to capture my feelings in the following screen grab.

Solid jorp, Clevelnad turism bored.

We’ve reached the Elite Eight of the best bracket tournament ever introduced to the Internet if you only poll people that come to this site on a daily basis and don’t count people who don’t get it or think it’s dumb.

In My Mom’s Basement, Twenty-two continued its run of upsets by beating Twenty and will be going up against Seven to see who makes it to the Final Four. I can’t wait. 

In Your Mom’s Basement, Twenty-three will face off against Three in a “1 versus 2″ matchup for the ages. Three hasn’t really been challenged so far in the tournament, but they will be this time. They’ll need to up their intensity against a much tougher Twenty-three. Otherwise, they’ll be going home. Then again, they’re practically guaranteed to be a lottery pick after this is over. Oy.

In other tourney news, Twenty-one will look to continue its dominance in Your Dad’s Basement against upstart Fourteen, while Twenty-four and Twenty-five will lock horns Somewhere in Mexico.

Keep those votes coming, Folks. And may the best number win.

Bud Selig announced yesterday that he is creating a committee to study why Oakland is having a hard time getting a measure passed to have a new stadium built.  And I’d like to say right here and right now that Bud Selig is a hero that deserves to be talked about in the same breath as that one pilot who crashed into a bird.  I mean, what the fuck Oakland?  You’ve lived with a team that has refused to spend money for this long, how dare you deny them a stadium that they won’t fill with players who can win a championship?  How dare you say no to an owner who says no to keeping talented free agents?  How dare you indeed?

Bud Selig is tired of the greediness of a vocal few and he won’t stand for it.  This committee of his is going to get answers and they’re going to get them now, goddammit.

I love how this is a mystery to Selig.  How there’s this whole cloud of suspicion floating in the air.  “I tell ya, this don’t make no sense, no sense at all.  We’ve got this baseball team, see.  And they obviously need a stadium.  I mean, where are they going to play?  The park?  Is that what we expect from our baseball players now?  To play in an actual park?  Do we want them to sell peanuts between innings too?  That’ll save money.  Why don’t we do that?  Maybe they should wash their own uniforms and carve their own bats out of the trees they cut down for firewood which they can then use to heat the new stadium.  Is that what you want Oakland?” Read the rest of this entry »

Catholics in Detroit are angry with the Tigers and not because they aren’t a good ball club. No, they’re mad that the Tigers are holding their home opener (April 10th) during holy hours on Good Friday. Good Friday, for those of you who either aren’t Christians or are really stupid, forgetful Christians, is the day when Jesus was murdered by Godless Jews. He supposedly hung on the cross between the hours of 12pm-3pm (JST*) and Catholics, supposedly, take this time very seriously.

“It’s sort of an insult for Catholics,” said Michael Ochab, a 47-year-old Tigers fan. He said he’ll miss his first opener in 20 years this year to attend services at St. Florian Catholic Church in Hamtramck. “I’m still hoping the Tigers will change the time.”

“Damn you, Tigers!  If you could just move the start time I could do my religiousy stuff early and then bail on my family to get plastered at the ballgame.  That’s how Jesus would have wanted me to spend my afternoon anyway.  I only have to put in my 3 hours and then I’m free to watch the game.  Listen, I only go to church like three times a year.  Can’t you do me a solid?  Can’t you just push things back just a little bit?”

I love that he calls it an insult.  The Tigers have gone out of their way to stick it to the Catholics on this one.  They’ve been looking to take the Catholics down a peg and opening day was their best opportunity.  They’re also going to stop serving fish on Fridays and cancel the Pope Bobblehead night they had scheduled for Easter. Read the rest of this entry »

Everybody loves a great number, especially if it’s in the one through sixty-four range. Some of you probably have your own rankings of your favorite numbers one through sixty-four. In the spirit of the NCAA Tournament, we here at Major League Jerk will be holding our own tournament of the top 64 numbers of all time (in the one through sixty-four range).

Today, we present to you the bracket. There was very little arguing that took place amongst the committee of Jerks who made up the field. Some wanted to include pi, but a later vote concluded that that would have been silly.

We expect there to be absolutely no uproar over the rankings because this is completely arbitrary and stupid. One thing of interest, at least to me, is that in the “Bracket Tournaments are really gay” region, the number thirteen was a 13-seed. What, you don’t think that’s cool? What were the odds?

Anyway, without further ado, click here for The Bracket. Individual regions and seedings are after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »