Hey Kobayashi…tell me how my ass tastes.

I’ve long hated Kobayashi, but I respect the man’s game.  Sure, he’s ruined Nathan’s Hot-Dog Contest by bringing in an element of strategery to it that destroyed it’s wholesome nature, but…aw fuck it, I’m feeling racist today, so I hate that bastard.  Who the fuck eats hotdogs by dipping the bun in water?  Nobody but now EVERYONE is doing it.  See what you did, Takeru?

But I come here not to slander…

Well…just a little more slandering actually.  You know what must suck?  Sitting on the shitter the next day pooping out the remnants of 66 hotdogs and realizing you just got rocked with some American vigilante fury.  Rocked like the Japanese by…yea, lets just stop that thought before it starts.

Ok…done with the slander.  For realz this time.

There’s no analysis or insight here because, lets face it, the guy just ate a bunch of hotdogs faster than anyone else.  All I can say is “a hearty 1,000 blumpkins to you, Joey Chestnut.”

I’m not sure if she’s a big baseball fan or what, but she’s sitting with some guy who looks like Joey McIntyre and he’s wearing a fantastic hat.

So the first round of interleague play is in the books and I can’t really say that the debate over which league is better has yet been solved. For the record, the AL won the weekend 22-19 thanks to sweeps by the Red Sox and the White Sox (over the Brewers and Giants respectively). These two examples felt a little lopsided as far as scheduling goes, but all in all there were a lot of competitive series. At any rate, for today’s Quality Start, we will take a look at some of the more interesting series instead of at the individual games.

Mets 2, Yankees 0: I would have thought that this would have been more satisfying for me, the Yankees losing so mightily, but I guess that’s just a testament to how bad the Yankees are. I don’t loathe them with the same vigor that I once had. The Yanks were outscored 15-6 in the two games as the Mets did everything better than their Bronx counterparts. Despite giving up 3HRs in the first game, Santana came away with win. In the second game, Wang gave up 7ERs in 7 2/3 innings.

Blue Jays 2, Phillies 1: After getting drubbed 10-3 in the first game, the Blue Jays responded by taking the next two in Philadelphia. I was looking forward to this series simply because I was curious to see how an above average NL team would fare against an average AL team (the Jays now sit at 23-23). To be honest, I still don’t know what to make of it. Obviously, the edge goes to the AL here despite being outscored 18-15 (in an NL park). The Jays clearly had better pitching after the first game and their bats were more consistent (sorry Ken Tremendous, I had to use it in this case) as more than half of the Phils runs came in the first game.

Royals 2, Marlins 1: God I hate the Marlins. I feel like Al Pacino in Donnie Brasco right now because I may have vouched for the wrong team. I thought, “shit, these young hitters can carry this team while they’re pitching figures it out.” Well you know what, I wash my hands of you. How can you lose this series to the Royals? I understand losing to Greinke, but Tomko? You beat Bannister but you lose to Brett Tomko and his 5.32 ERA and his 1.42 WHIP?

Reds 3, Indians 0: Like you haven’t heard about this series enough already. I will say this though. WTF happened to the Indians’ starters and their 43+ scoreless inning streak? Best staff in the majors, my ass.

So the first round of interleague play is in the books and I can’t really say that the debate over which league is better has yet been solved. For the record, the AL won the weekend 22-19 thanks to sweeps by the Red Sox and the White Sox (over the Brewers and Giants respectively). These two examples felt a little lopsided as far as scheduling goes, but all in all there were a lot of competitive series. At any rate, for today’s Quality Start, we will take a look at some of the more interesting series instead of at the individual games.

Mets 2, Yankees 0: I would have thought that this would have been more satisfying for me, the Yankees losing so mightily, but I guess that’s just a testament to how bad the Yankees are. I don’t loathe them with the same vigor that I once had. The Yanks were outscored 15-6 in the two games as the Mets did everything better than their Bronx counterparts. Despite giving up 3HRs in the first game, Santana came away with win. In the second game, Wang gave up 7ERs in 7 2/3 innings.

Blue Jays 2, Phillies 1: After getting drubbed 10-3 in the first game, the Blue Jays responded by taking the next two in Philadelphia. I was looking forward to this series simply because I was curious to see how an above average NL team would fare against an average AL team (the Jays now sit at 23-23). To be honest, I still don’t know what to make of it. Obviously, the edge goes to the AL here despite being outscored 18-15 (in an NL park). The Jays clearly had better pitching after the first game and their bats were more consistent (sorry Ken Tremendous, I had to use it in this case) as more than half of the Phils runs came in the first game.

Royals 2, Marlins 1: God I hate the Marlins. I feel like Al Pacino in Donnie Brasco right now because I may have vouched for the wrong team. I thought, “shit, these young hitters can carry this team while they’re pitching figures it out.” Well you know what, I wash my hands of you. How can you lose this series to the Royals? I understand losing to Greinke, but Tomko? You beat Bannister but you lose to Brett Tomko and his 5.32 ERA and his 1.42 WHIP?

Reds 3, Indians 0: Like you haven’t heard about this series enough already. I will say this though. WTF happened to the Indians’ starters and their 43+ scoreless inning streak? Best staff in the majors, my ass.

Interleague Play starts off tonight with a couple notable games. I’ll highlight some in a minute, but first, a programming note. Major League Jerk produces all 7 days of the week. Feel free to stop on in and have a chat during the weekend. I’m sure there will be someone around to read your comments and mock your ridiculous views on who has the best uniforms (the Orioles? Fuck the heck are you talking about?). Quality Start will be posted every morning and I’m sure at least one of our 33 contributors will have something to say. On that note:

This weekend’s matchups:

Reds vs. Indians: With a rainout last Sunday and the double-header on Monday, the Tribe was forced to call up Jeremy Sowers to face on-again off-again pitcher Johnny Cueto on Friday. Two of our contributors will be sitting at the edge of their seats this weekend. I will be watching good baseball. Saturday’s matchup features Fausto Carmona with his 2nd best sinker in baseball and hard luck loser Aaron Harang. If Harang got any run support, this game would probably get more hype. Sunday features 6 game winners Cliff Lee and Edinson Volquez.

Dodgers vs. Angels: The freeway series seems the most boring of the “natural” rivalries. Both teams are underperforming and there aren’t even any good pitching matchups. Friday is Hiroki Kuroda (who, at 1-2, doesn’t ever seem to get a decision) and Joe Saunders. Saunders is a good pitcher, but who, outside of LAA gets excited by this matchup? Saturday features Chan Ho Park and Ervin Santana. Whoopee? Sunday is Brad Penny and Jered Weaver who’s looking more like his brother everyday.

Yankees vs. Mets: Speaking of underperforming, these two teams are a combined 40-41. Apparently mlb.com doesn’t care because these two always make up two of the three “featured” games when I check the scores on my blackberry. Yeah, a blackberry. I’m a fancy businessman. Sure, I live in my mom’s basement, but I’m still a fancy business man. The only matchup worth talking about is Maine vs. Wang on Sunday. The other two look meh.

Blue Jays vs. Phillies: For some reason, this matchup intrigues me. I guess I want to see how the Phils (a slightly above average NL team) stack up against a middle of the road AL team. Also, I hope Brett Myers gets roughed up again so I can continue making spousal abuse jokes. [Editor's Note: Myers isn't pitching this weekend. Hef knows this but still likes to take every opportunity to make fun of Myers.]

Interleague Play starts off tonight with a couple notable games. I’ll highlight some in a minute, but first, a programming note. Major League Jerk produces all 7 days of the week. Feel free to stop on in and have a chat during the weekend. I’m sure there will be someone around to read your comments and mock your ridiculous views on who has the best uniforms (the Orioles? Fuck the heck are you talking about?). Quality Start will be posted every morning and I’m sure at least one of our 33 contributors will have something to say. On that note:

This weekend’s matchups:

Reds vs. Indians: With a rainout last Sunday and the double-header on Monday, the Tribe was forced to call up Jeremy Sowers to face on-again off-again pitcher Johnny Cueto on Friday. Two of our contributors will be sitting at the edge of their seats this weekend. I will be watching good baseball. Saturday’s matchup features Fausto Carmona with his 2nd best sinker in baseball and hard luck loser Aaron Harang. If Harang got any run support, this game would probably get more hype. Sunday features 6 game winners Cliff Lee and Edinson Volquez.

Dodgers vs. Angels: The freeway series seems the most boring of the “natural” rivalries. Both teams are underperforming and there aren’t even any good pitching matchups. Friday is Hiroki Kuroda (who, at 1-2, doesn’t ever seem to get a decision) and Joe Saunders. Saunders is a good pitcher, but who, outside of LAA gets excited by this matchup? Saturday features Chan Ho Park and Ervin Santana. Whoopee? Sunday is Brad Penny and Jered Weaver who’s looking more like his brother everyday.

Yankees vs. Mets: Speaking of underperforming, these two teams are a combined 40-41. Apparently mlb.com doesn’t care because these two always make up two of the three “featured” games when I check the scores on my blackberry. Yeah, a blackberry. I’m a fancy businessman. Sure, I live in my mom’s basement, but I’m still a fancy business man. The only matchup worth talking about is Maine vs. Wang on Sunday. The other two look meh.

Blue Jays vs. Phillies: For some reason, this matchup intrigues me. I guess I want to see how the Phils (a slightly above average NL team) stack up against a middle of the road AL team. Also, I hope Brett Myers gets roughed up again so I can continue making spousal abuse jokes. [Editor's Note: Myers isn't pitching this weekend. Hef knows this but still likes to take every opportunity to make fun of Myers.]