Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[deep breath]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh man I apologize, that’s not right. I shouldn’t be laughing at the misfortune of…..

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I’m sorry, that’s really in poor taste. My mom would be so disappointed. From what I understand, it’s a tear in the ulner collateral ligament in his right elbow. For you laymen, the ulner collateral is the….

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That’s really not right.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Fuck the Twins.

If you didn’t see the video of Hiroki Kuroda getting dropped by a line drive this weekend, consider yourself lucky. But, if you still want to see it, click on over and take a gander. It’s horrifying in it’s directness: pitcher throws ball; batter hits ball; ball comes directly back at pitcher’s face missing his face and eyes by inches. These are the events that can prevent pitchers from ever taking the field again for both physical and psychological reasons and it was apparent in the crowd’s reaction on Saturday night that this was not just some everyday comebacker at the pitcher.

Having said all that, there were some funny aspects of the hit:

1. Watch the replay again. The ball bounces so hard off of Kuroda’s head that it goes into the stands for a ground rule double. That’s probably the shortest hit double in the history of baseball. The run at second eventually came around to score. Read the rest of this entry »

I was reading Metsblog this morning as some guy was boring me with stuff he was trying to sell me when I read this. For those who chose not to read the link it says that David Wright hurt his knee running around the bases in the 9th inning Wednesday. Now as a Met fan this was inevitable but it was David’s response to this that got me upset: Read the rest of this entry »

He fell down the fucking stairs and sprained his ankle. Really. He fell down the fucking dugout steps. What else do I have to deal with? Tits Santana battles for 8 innings. Luis falls down the steps. K-Rod blows the save. Sean Green hits a guy to bring in the winning run (again) and PooHoles hits a Grand Slam to rub salt in the wound. Throw the loss on the pile of shitty losses. Throw the injury on the pile of bizarre injuries. I fully expect Luis to be out for the season only because that is how it works in Metland. At least Eli is about to sign the richest contract in NFL history. September 13th can’t get here soon enough.

Yesterday, the Detroit Tigers placed pitcher Dontrelle Willis on the 15-day disabled list because of anxiety issues.  Apparently he’s taken a page out of Rocco Baldelli’s guide to getting paid while sitting on the bench with a “disease” that no one can verify.*  Watch, Dontrelle even tries to make it sound like it’s a medical issue and not a psychological one:

I have no idea [what's wrong with me], but [the doctors] didn’t like what they saw in the blood.

Let’s read that again.  The doctors didn’t like what they saw in the blood.  Did they see sickle cell anemia?  Probably not because they know what that looks like.  Did the doctors see cancer or AIDS?  Nope, for the same reason.  They saw something in the blood, something they didn’t like, so they suggested that Dontrelle be put on the DL with anxiety.

The “blood” invocation here sounds like a red herring.  The first time I read this article I glanced over it, saw the word “blood” and thought “it’s probably something serious…no wonder he has anxiety.”  Now it sounds like a scene out of Tommy Boy where D-train is trying to convince people that he isn’t sitting out because he’s got a case of the shakes.

Dontrelle continued: Read the rest of this entry »

According to MLB.com, Ben Sheets was offered a 2 year deal with Texas last week but failed his physical when it was discovered he had a torn flexor tendon in his right elbow that will require surgery at some point. I guess that explains why no one is signing him. I Googled torn flexor tendon and came up with this list from the first page alone: Read the rest of this entry »

Wally Pipp (n): 1920s Yankees First Basemen who takes a day off and loses starting job to Lou Gherig. wally pipp (v): To have your regular spot in the lineup given over to another player. “I just got wally pipped because Hef’s so talented. Fuck. What am I gonna tell my wife?” Transitive form of verb: to permanently take over an everyday player’s spot. Eric Byrnes, to Jeff Salazer on April 24th after Salazar hit a 2 run homer while filling in for Byrnes who is out with “sore legs” (paraphrase), “Don’t think you’re gonna wally pipp my ass.”

Ah, the fear of being replaced. Ingrained in every big leaguer from the day they eventually replace someone else. This is capitalism at its purist. You’re not cutting it, we’ll replace you with someone who can. You get sick or go on maternity leave because you value family and health? We’ll find some college kid, or worse, a picket line crossing temp to take over for you. Yes, I’ve wondered way past the point, so I’ll steer myself back slowly: at what point is it not okay to replace a player? It’s becoming a big deal here in PHX as Chad Tracy began his minor league rehab stint down in Tucson.

Tracy, as some of you may recall, has been out for the last year with a knee injury. Before he left, he was nice left handed hitter on a young team. In his two complete seasons from 2005-2006, he hit .294 with 47 HRs and 152 RBI on a team that wasn’t producing very many runs. He was a sieve at 3B, leading all National League third basemen in errors but was a steady line drive hitter from the left side of the plate. The reason many of you haven’t heard of him? He was replaced by Mark Reynolds who has much more power and a far better glove. Tracy’s reemergence (if he is, in fact, able to come back) has created a bit of a quandry. Between Reynolds and Jackson, the Dbacks are stocked at corner infield, but his $4.5ish million/year salary makes it difficult to relegate him to backup duty.

Mark Reynolds himself is a bit of an enigma. He’s a very streaky player who is currently 2nd only to Ryan Howard in strikeouts. He hasn’t even played a full season yet and he already has 24 HRs. His defense is above average (though he’s off to a rough start, racking up 7 errors already) and he’s becoming more of a threat on the base paths (4 steals already this year).

It’s a tough decision. I think Reynolds has more upside due to the fact that he’s younger than Tracy and is just starting in the Majors. But Tracy has shown that he could be outstanding. In 2005, Tracy’s VORP was 40 (!). It dropped quite a bit in 2006 to 16.3. Reynolds’ VORP was 19.2 in 3/4ths of a season and could have been a lot higher if not for his bad June and July when pitchers adjusted to his hitting tendencies.

This is another one of the many themes we will be returning back to throughout the year so feel free to send in any other potential Wally Pipps to us.

Wally Pipp (n): 1920s Yankees First Basemen who takes a day off and loses starting job to Lou Gherig. wally pipp (v): To have your regular spot in the lineup given over to another player. “I just got wally pipped because Hef’s so talented. Fuck. What am I gonna tell my wife?” Transitive form of verb: to permanently take over an everyday player’s spot. Eric Byrnes, to Jeff Salazer on April 24th after Salazar hit a 2 run homer while filling in for Byrnes who is out with “sore legs” (paraphrase), “Don’t think you’re gonna wally pipp my ass.”

Ah, the fear of being replaced. Ingrained in every big leaguer from the day they eventually replace someone else. This is capitalism at its purist. You’re not cutting it, we’ll replace you with someone who can. You get sick or go on maternity leave because you value family and health? We’ll find some college kid, or worse, a picket line crossing temp to take over for you. Yes, I’ve wondered way past the point, so I’ll steer myself back slowly: at what point is it not okay to replace a player? It’s becoming a big deal here in PHX as Chad Tracy began his minor league rehab stint down in Tucson.

Tracy, as some of you may recall, has been out for the last year with a knee injury. Before he left, he was nice left handed hitter on a young team. In his two complete seasons from 2005-2006, he hit .294 with 47 HRs and 152 RBI on a team that wasn’t producing very many runs. He was a sieve at 3B, leading all National League third basemen in errors but was a steady line drive hitter from the left side of the plate. The reason many of you haven’t heard of him? He was replaced by Mark Reynolds who has much more power and a far better glove. Tracy’s reemergence (if he is, in fact, able to come back) has created a bit of a quandry. Between Reynolds and Jackson, the Dbacks are stocked at corner infield, but his $4.5ish million/year salary makes it difficult to relegate him to backup duty.

Mark Reynolds himself is a bit of an enigma. He’s a very streaky player who is currently 2nd only to Ryan Howard in strikeouts. He hasn’t even played a full season yet and he already has 24 HRs. His defense is above average (though he’s off to a rough start, racking up 7 errors already) and he’s becoming more of a threat on the base paths (4 steals already this year).

It’s a tough decision. I think Reynolds has more upside due to the fact that he’s younger than Tracy and is just starting in the Majors. But Tracy has shown that he could be outstanding. In 2005, Tracy’s VORP was 40 (!). It dropped quite a bit in 2006 to 16.3. Reynolds’ VORP was 19.2 in 3/4ths of a season and could have been a lot higher if not for his bad June and July when pitchers adjusted to his hitting tendencies.

This is another one of the many themes we will be returning back to throughout the year so feel free to send in any other potential Wally Pipps to us.