So us am told by Hef that we is so totally hosting the site this weekend. Us asked why? He said because the Jerks are going to Mexico. Mexico!?! Besides the fact that Mexicans are totally ruining this country (and their own!), Us just learned that Matt Sanchez is Mexican.   Totes! That’s the kind of week we’ve suffered through.  You know that got we thinking: even with knee surgery this off-season and the fact that he’s a secret Mexican, Matt Sanchez may be the best Jets quarterback ever.  Discuss and leave your stats at the door.

Got questions for we?  You can ask them on our formspring.  Though the web address bothers us.  Or you can follow us on Twitter.

I want to preface this entire post by saying I do not want MLJ to ever be the Us Weekly of sports. Or the Page Six. Or the TMZ.  I heard this on the radio and then saw it in the NY Post, Derek Jeter and some girl named Minka Kelly are “secretly engaged”. Now I don’t even know who Minka Kelly is, I don’t care where the wedding is going to be, when it will be, what she will be wearing, who will be in the bridal party, if A-Rod will be there. I don’t give a shit. My point to all of this is Derek Jeter always has done things the right way. Off the field. If this is true, then I think he is doing more of the right thing.

I have always admired how Derek Jeter handled his private life. I mean if I was young, rich, famous and good looking, I too would play the field and bang every hot piece of ass in New York, LA and Miami. Really. It is very simple. Most baseball players don’t follow this formula. Most of them are drafted out of high school or college and get a big signing bonus. Or even a moderate one. Then they are sent to some fucking minor league town in the middle of nowhere where they flash their cash, party their asses off, meet some 19 year old waitress at the Bowling Alley/Nightclub, bang her out, marry her and then make it to the Bigs. Now he is in his early 20’s, making Major League money and stuck will a Pensacola 10 (who turns out to be a big city 4) and are possibly stuck with a kid or two to pay for. Derek Jeter never did this. I mean the players that do still go get random ass but then that leads to “scandal” and then a messy divorce where they have to pay off the Pensacola 10 leaving him with half his shit. Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t forget to check out our friend CRM and his MMA blog, Blood, Booze and Bruises.

I will be the first person in the world to tell you that writing a post about what Google search terms lead a person to your site is cheap and easy.  Having said that, you guys totally have to see what Google search terms are leading people to our site!

You know what?  I have a better idea.  Would everyone please type the following phrase into google.com (or you can just copy and paste this one): Is Joey Votto Gay?

Is everyone back?  Did you notice what the top story for the millions of Reds fans people curious about Joey Votto’s sexuality?  HOORAY!  It’s Roman’s post accusing every single player on the Reds of being gay!  This is the proudest I’ve ever been.  No longer are we sitting idly by as baseball happens.  Nope, we’re helping contribute to the discrimination that has taken part in locker rooms since before the Negro Leagues were disbanded.  In your face, LOGO!

As you know, RomanWarHelmet is not a funny man.  But every now and again, lightning strikes and we are left with some brilliant scars on our burnt skin.  This post,  not just accusing the Reds of being gay but providing mountains of evidence, was originally posted on June 3rd.

As part of Major League Jerk’s investigative team, it is my responsibility to ask questions and follow leads wherever they may take me. Earlier this season, The Cincinnati Reds fired General Manager Wayne Krivsky, even though the team seemed to be on the upswing after he infused the team with young talent through the draft and through trades. This seemed peculiar to me so I decided to go about finding out the real reason for the firing. Through various sources I have learned he was fired not because of a slow start but because Krivsky’s true purpose was to make the Reds the first all gay baseball team in Major League history. I have unearthed Photographic evidence to prove my point. First Krivsky himself: Read the rest of this entry »

In a move so sad that it could only come from the Friendly Confines, a Chicago man announced that he has created a cemetery lot for Cubs fans who want to spend the hereafter wallowing with other dead losers.

A red brick wall designed to resemble the one in dead center at Wrigley Field has been erected in a Chicago cemetery and is ready to accept the cremated remains of Cubs fans — inside $800 Cubbie blue and white urns if they wish…the wall with its stained-glass scoreboard has what Fans Forever president Dennis Mascari likes to call “skyboxes” to accommodate 288 “season-ticket holders.”

So it’s just a cemetery lot for Cubs fans?  That’s it?  Sure that’s pathetic and sad and all but I mean…well, we expect that sort of thing from Cubs fans, right?  Hold on, there’s more.  Turns out, the designer of the place wanted to make it extra comfy for the living too so he decided to create a sitting parlor for Cubs fans to talk to the urns about bad Cubs front office moves.  Talk about needing an eternity. Read the rest of this entry »

This here is the view from the Left Field stands in the new Yankee Stadium. Apparently, if you are sitting here and a ball lands in Right Field you can’t see it. The same can be said for those sitting in Right and looking towards Left. That big wall right there is a Steak House in dead Centerfield. When questioned by Neil Best over at Newsday, Yankee COO Lonn Trost showed great concern over this issue. Here is what he had to say: Read the rest of this entry »

Two. I know it’s not really funny, but with the events of the last few days and the memes that seem to be born everyday, it is kind of funny.

This story is crazy. And what makes it especially crazy is the timing. We’ve been in a constant windfall of huge sports news stories over the last two week and have no way of knowing if it’s going to slow down.

On the eve of the Super Bowl, the Micheal Phelps story broke. 8 people have been arrested. Phelps doesn’t know if he’s going to swim at the 2012 Olympics. Swimming in the Olympics is all this guy knows how to do.

A week later, A-Rod was outed for using steroids. Then he had his own state of the steroid union interview with Peter Gammons. That interview ran on ESPN on loop for more than 24 hours. President Obama was asked about A-Rod in his first Presidential Address. I watched the video in my Grad class on Tuesday night. I couldn’t get away from it. Read the rest of this entry »

We here at Major League Jerk are not above tooting our own horns. In fact, we’re not above anything. So when our predictions come true, we not only write a post about it, we send links to everybody we know. Earlier this week, I was bitching and moaning about the Panda’s current 6-62 streak and predicted that he would change his entrance music due to his superstitious nature. Well guess what, loyal reader, there’s a reason you trust my judgment (you do, right?). Eric Byrnes no longer enters to The Outfield’s “Use Your Love” as I so brilliantly predicted. Instead, he is relying on Van Halen’s “Jump” to get the crowd excited. Quick question, has Eric Byrnes listened to a song written after 1988? We’ve got enough music nerds on this site, I’m sure we can create him mixtape (I think I just qualified this post for a Homosexuality? tag…yup, I did.). Oh, I forgot the best part. That sumabitch hit a homerun in his second at bat of the night. His first homerun in 42 weeks*. Loyal reader, when your thirst for baseball insight is not quenched at the wells of mainstream media, remember, at Major League Jerk, the water is fine.

Update: Byrnes has a multi hit, multi RBI game. That music really did the trick. Oh, and if you think his nickname is changing just because he managed to to turn it into an 8-65 streak, you’re out of your mind. Byrnes is the Panda. The Panda is Byrnes.

*We stand by all numbers printed on this site

We here at Major League Jerk are not above tooting our own horns. In fact, we’re not above anything. So when our predictions come true, we not only write a post about it, we send links to everybody we know. Earlier this week, I was bitching and moaning about the Panda’s current 6-62 streak and predicted that he would change his entrance music due to his superstitious nature. Well guess what, loyal reader, there’s a reason you trust my judgment (you do, right?). Eric Byrnes no longer enters to The Outfield’s “Use Your Love” as I so brilliantly predicted. Instead, he is relying on Van Halen’s “Jump” to get the crowd excited. Quick question, has Eric Byrnes listened to a song written after 1988? We’ve got enough music nerds on this site, I’m sure we can create him mixtape (I think I just qualified this post for a Homosexuality? tag…yup, I did.). Oh, I forgot the best part. That sumabitch hit a homerun in his second at bat of the night. His first homerun in 42 weeks*. Loyal reader, when your thirst for baseball insight is not quenched at the wells of mainstream media, remember, at Major League Jerk, the water is fine.

Update: Byrnes has a multi hit, multi RBI game. That music really did the trick. Oh, and if you think his nickname is changing just because he managed to to turn it into an 8-65 streak, you’re out of your mind. Byrnes is the Panda. The Panda is Byrnes.

*We stand by all numbers printed on this site