Clifton Phifer Lee is seen smiling prior to Monday's game. He wasn't smiling afterwards. He likes earmuffs.

The season is only 1 game old, but here’s what we know now:

• CC Sabathia is going to suck this year. Have you seen his ERA? It’s up over 12. I’m sorry but didn’t the Yankees pay this guy nearly $1 billion to be their ace? What kind of ace has an ERA over 12? What a silly signing this was for the Yankees.
• Mark Teixeira is also going to suck. Check out this line: .000/.200/.000. Am I to believe that a guy making nearly $75 million this year can’t get his OBP over .200? For that kind of money, he should be near .400 at all times. Admittedly I missed the boat as well on Teixeira as he was my 1st pick in fantasy. What a shame. Some of the experts were predicting the Yankees would win the AL East, but it’s not looking so good right now.
• Adam Lind is the best player in baseball. I hate admitting this, but Alfonso Soriano is 2nd best.
• The White Sox and Royals are the class of the AL Central.
• David Wright likes to bang doods.

Okay so that’s 4 things we learned and 1 we already knew. Read the rest of this entry »

One of my favorite parts about baseball is trying to explain the trends of a given team; especially a team that performs against expectations. As such, I will present to you some of the trends we’ve noticed regarding the Met’s inability to win games on a consistent level. But instead of just using facts (it couldn’t be because Jose Reyes can’t string together consistent performances), we will mix in some conjecture.

Fact: The Mets are 0-2 since Mike Piazza announced his retirement yesterday.
Conjecture: Even when he isn’t producing for the Mets, his role as professional baseball player allowed the Mets to function as a team. He was also probably Willie Randolph’s constant.
Fact: The Mets are 3-6 since Mr. Mets was outed by our intrepid report Nicky P.
Conjecture: With clubhouse tensions high due to Billy Wagner carrying the media load, the team has been unable to function with a mascot that has routinely lied to the team and the press.
Fact: The win/loss pattern of this team is odd.
Conjecture: This team is spelling out a message in Morse Code where wins are dots and losses are dashes. So far the message is “Fire Willie Rand-” Can’t wait to see what the final message says.

At any rate, there are a lot of other teams that played last night. Some we even care about. On to the start.

Phillies 1, Nationals 0: Will someone let me know when the real Phillies are going to show up? Please? Pinch hitter, Greg Dobbs singled in the winning run in the top of the 9th and Brad Lidge came on to get his 11th save of the season. The Phils have scored 1 run in two games against the Nationals so far in this series. Their offense is stagnating.

Orioles 12, Yankees 2: The ESPN headline for this game says, “A-Rod returns with HR but Yanks lose Jeter, game.” No mention of their opponent or anything about Mike Mussina giving up six unearned runs in 2/3 of an inning. He didn’t make it out of the first. I wish I had a publicist that whored me out as well as the four letter does the Yanks. What am I saying? I’ll get Roman to do it.

Angels 3, Blue Jays 1: John Lackey pitched his first game in 8 months, going 7 innings and only giving up the 1 run while striking out 6. I’d say a golf clap is in order. Maybe now the Angels will run away with the worst division in baseball. Yeah, I said it. I know all of you AL Central fans want credit for worst division, but it’s clearly the AL East.

Nick P’s Game of the Night: You know what Nick P likes? Fair play, equality, evenly distributed wealth. So it’s no surprise that last night’s Twins game that featured 13 hits spread out over 8 starters is a thing of beauty to him. He also believes in violent protest, so FBI, if you’re reading (of course you’re reading), I can send you his address. Twins beat the Rangers 11-4.

Hef’s Game of the Night: Two pitchers who are having a great year despite pitching for lousy teams, that’s my kind of baseball (we’ll get back to this later today). Tim Lincecum outpitched Aaron Cook though not by much as the Giants held off the Rockies for a 6-5 victory in Colorado. You AL lovers probably missed this one, but both of these guys pitched subpar games by their standards and still managed to make it exciting.

One of my favorite parts about baseball is trying to explain the trends of a given team; especially a team that performs against expectations. As such, I will present to you some of the trends we’ve noticed regarding the Met’s inability to win games on a consistent level. But instead of just using facts (it couldn’t be because Jose Reyes can’t string together consistent performances), we will mix in some conjecture.

Fact: The Mets are 0-2 since Mike Piazza announced his retirement yesterday.
Conjecture: Even when he isn’t producing for the Mets, his role as professional baseball player allowed the Mets to function as a team. He was also probably Willie Randolph’s constant.
Fact: The Mets are 3-6 since Mr. Mets was outed by our intrepid report Nicky P.
Conjecture: With clubhouse tensions high due to Billy Wagner carrying the media load, the team has been unable to function with a mascot that has routinely lied to the team and the press.
Fact: The win/loss pattern of this team is odd.
Conjecture: This team is spelling out a message in Morse Code where wins are dots and losses are dashes. So far the message is “Fire Willie Rand-” Can’t wait to see what the final message says.

At any rate, there are a lot of other teams that played last night. Some we even care about. On to the start.

Phillies 1, Nationals 0: Will someone let me know when the real Phillies are going to show up? Please? Pinch hitter, Greg Dobbs singled in the winning run in the top of the 9th and Brad Lidge came on to get his 11th save of the season. The Phils have scored 1 run in two games against the Nationals so far in this series. Their offense is stagnating.

Orioles 12, Yankees 2: The ESPN headline for this game says, “A-Rod returns with HR but Yanks lose Jeter, game.” No mention of their opponent or anything about Mike Mussina giving up six unearned runs in 2/3 of an inning. He didn’t make it out of the first. I wish I had a publicist that whored me out as well as the four letter does the Yanks. What am I saying? I’ll get Roman to do it.

Angels 3, Blue Jays 1: John Lackey pitched his first game in 8 months, going 7 innings and only giving up the 1 run while striking out 6. I’d say a golf clap is in order. Maybe now the Angels will run away with the worst division in baseball. Yeah, I said it. I know all of you AL Central fans want credit for worst division, but it’s clearly the AL East.

Nick P’s Game of the Night: You know what Nick P likes? Fair play, equality, evenly distributed wealth. So it’s no surprise that last night’s Twins game that featured 13 hits spread out over 8 starters is a thing of beauty to him. He also believes in violent protest, so FBI, if you’re reading (of course you’re reading), I can send you his address. Twins beat the Rangers 11-4.

Hef’s Game of the Night: Two pitchers who are having a great year despite pitching for lousy teams, that’s my kind of baseball (we’ll get back to this later today). Tim Lincecum outpitched Aaron Cook though not by much as the Giants held off the Rockies for a 6-5 victory in Colorado. You AL lovers probably missed this one, but both of these guys pitched subpar games by their standards and still managed to make it exciting.