We’re off to a late start here on Saturday but I doubt any of you would notice. According to our tracking software, 87% of you, our readership, consumed more than three alcoholic beverages last night and 12% drank more than 17. If the 8% who had nothing to drink last night send me an email, I’ll be more prompt in the future. Until then…
A quick note, I used this picture of Jason Werth (we’ll get to him in a minute) because somehow, the Phillies received an honorable mention in the best uniforms story. You see what I have to deal with around here?
Cubs 7, Pirates 4: The only non-interleague game of the night brought us another multi-homer game. Spencero96 was wetting his pants last night with all of the homers (also, he was one of the 12%). Alfonso Soriano is on quite a tear; last night he hit 2 HRs and has somehow managed to bring his batting average up to .265! As a leadoff hitter! Of the seven other Cubs batters who have at least 100 ABs, guess how many have a higher OBP than Soriano. All of them! Lou Pinella, your NL manager of the year.
Royals 7, Marlins 6: Remember when I was high on the Marlins (that was a scary three hours)? Well since then, they’ve lost four straight to the dredges of the Major Leagues including three in a row to the worst team ever, the Cincinnati Reds (true story: I finally learned how to spell Cincinnati after I started writing for this site). My buddy, Cousin Ron, can take his team and shove them up his ass.
Dbacks 4, Tigers 3: How bad is the Tiger’s defense. Leading 3-1 in the bottom of the 7th, the Tigers committed to easy errors (a lazy popup in foul ground that fell in between three (3!) defenders followed by a dropped ball at first base (the error was given to 3B Carlos Guillen which I thought was silly). In more important news: Panda Watch! Eric Byrnes changed his music and hit a homer. I’m the greatest baseball analyst ever.
ESPN Non-Story of the Day: The series to end all series featuring the Yankees and the Mets (combined record 40-41) has been postponed due to rain. Perhaps God is angry at Billy Wagner for his remarks. There’s no way this rainstorm is just a coincidence, not after this epic battle was scheduled on a day when Almanacs predicted very little rain. Repent, Billy Wagner, the kingdom of heaven is nigh.
Gonzo’s Game of the Night*: You know what Gonzo likes? Winning. I wouldn’t call him a “winner” per se, but I would say that he enjoys watching others do well. He got so excited, he scooted on over to RedLasso and found me this clip. Enjoy the salami:
Anyway, Werth’s final line went like this: 3-4, 3HRs, 3RS, 8RBI. Phils win 10-3
Nick’s Game of the Night*: Sure, it wasn’t the prettiest game ever, but Nick P bet his house on this series and there’s no way he’s sleeping in the cold Ohio night. Five homers in the game as Brandon Phillips and Dunnie went yard for the Reds and Blake, Hafner, Sizemore and Peralta went back-to-back-to-OUT-back HRs in the 6th. Tie score, bottom of the 8th, Jensen Lewis walked in the winning run. Ohio is disfunctional dysfunctional.
*As chosen by Hef
