We here at Major League Jerk are not above tooting our own horns. In fact, we’re not above anything. So when our predictions come true, we not only write a post about it, we send links to everybody we know. Earlier this week, I was bitching and moaning about the Panda’s current 6-62 streak and predicted that he would change his entrance music due to his superstitious nature. Well guess what, loyal reader, there’s a reason you trust my judgment (you do, right?). Eric Byrnes no longer enters to The Outfield’s “Use Your Love” as I so brilliantly predicted. Instead, he is relying on Van Halen’s “Jump” to get the crowd excited. Quick question, has Eric Byrnes listened to a song written after 1988? We’ve got enough music nerds on this site, I’m sure we can create him mixtape (I think I just qualified this post for a Homosexuality? tag…yup, I did.). Oh, I forgot the best part. That sumabitch hit a homerun in his second at bat of the night. His first homerun in 42 weeks*. Loyal reader, when your thirst for baseball insight is not quenched at the wells of mainstream media, remember, at Major League Jerk, the water is fine.

Update: Byrnes has a multi hit, multi RBI game. That music really did the trick. Oh, and if you think his nickname is changing just because he managed to to turn it into an 8-65 streak, you’re out of your mind. Byrnes is the Panda. The Panda is Byrnes.

*We stand by all numbers printed on this site

We here at Major League Jerk are not above tooting our own horns. In fact, we’re not above anything. So when our predictions come true, we not only write a post about it, we send links to everybody we know. Earlier this week, I was bitching and moaning about the Panda’s current 6-62 streak and predicted that he would change his entrance music due to his superstitious nature. Well guess what, loyal reader, there’s a reason you trust my judgment (you do, right?). Eric Byrnes no longer enters to The Outfield’s “Use Your Love” as I so brilliantly predicted. Instead, he is relying on Van Halen’s “Jump” to get the crowd excited. Quick question, has Eric Byrnes listened to a song written after 1988? We’ve got enough music nerds on this site, I’m sure we can create him mixtape (I think I just qualified this post for a Homosexuality? tag…yup, I did.). Oh, I forgot the best part. That sumabitch hit a homerun in his second at bat of the night. His first homerun in 42 weeks*. Loyal reader, when your thirst for baseball insight is not quenched at the wells of mainstream media, remember, at Major League Jerk, the water is fine.

Update: Byrnes has a multi hit, multi RBI game. That music really did the trick. Oh, and if you think his nickname is changing just because he managed to to turn it into an 8-65 streak, you’re out of your mind. Byrnes is the Panda. The Panda is Byrnes.

*We stand by all numbers printed on this site

Bottom of the 6th inning, Dbacks down 5-1, and I get this message on my phone from that Phillie Asshole Gonzo: “is that fairy music when Byrnes comes to bat? Jeez, I can’t stand watching that swing of his and this is the first time I’ve seen him. I can imagine it driving you nuts the whole damn year.”

So many things to discuss in that one message, I’ll tackle them one at a time. Yes, that is fairy music that Eric Byrnes enters to every at bat of every home game. It’s actually by a band called The Outfield (get it? because he plays in the outfield? on a baseball team!). Imagine listening to that song 4 times a night, 81 times a year. No really, try to imagine that hell. Oh, and the reason the video is not of the actual band is because they don’t want people to profit off of their copyrighted material. Sorry Outfield, but I’m guessing that ship probably sailed a looonnnngg time ago. Where was I? Oh yeah, fairy music. What does this have to do with baseball other than the band’s name? I know that all entrance music is supposed to reflect your personality (Mark Reynold’s is “Down” by 311. What?), so is that Eric Byrnes’ personality: cheesy 80s ballads?

Moving on. You know what else I hate about Eric Byrnes’ At Bats? Everything. He always gets under the ball and pops it up on the infield. 20.5% of the time he hits the ball in play it’s an infield popup. But that’s not the worst part. Every time he gets under the ball, he spreads his arms out wide and does a little hop like The Flying Nun (at right) as he leaves the box. This little dance only seems to magnify my frustration with his whole approach to hitting. I’m not sure if he’s aware of this, but he’s really fast. He stole 50 bases last year. 50! He stole more bases than Jimmy Rollins, and Chone Figgins, and the same amount as Carl Crawford. They’re fast, guess how often they pop up on the infield? Figgins 5.9%, Rollins 7.5% (last year’s numbers), Crawford 5.7% Shouldn’t someone mention this to him? Do you think he knows? Could we start a petition?

EDIT: If you haven’t watched that video already, please do so. It’s so amazingly bad that I loved every minute of it. Who has that much time to make a video like that. It reminds me of that line from The State, “Let’s go do fun things set to popular music.”

Bottom of the 6th inning, Dbacks down 5-1, and I get this message on my phone from that Phillie Asshole Gonzo: “is that fairy music when Byrnes comes to bat? Jeez, I can’t stand watching that swing of his and this is the first time I’ve seen him. I can imagine it driving you nuts the whole damn year.”

So many things to discuss in that one message, I’ll tackle them one at a time. Yes, that is fairy music that Eric Byrnes enters to every at bat of every home game. It’s actually by a band called The Outfield (get it? because he plays in the outfield? on a baseball team!). Imagine listening to that song 4 times a night, 81 times a year. No really, try to imagine that hell. Oh, and the reason the video is not of the actual band is because they don’t want people to profit off of their copyrighted material. Sorry Outfield, but I’m guessing that ship probably sailed a looonnnngg time ago. Where was I? Oh yeah, fairy music. What does this have to do with baseball other than the band’s name? I know that all entrance music is supposed to reflect your personality (Mark Reynold’s is “Down” by 311. What?), so is that Eric Byrnes’ personality: cheesy 80s ballads?

Moving on. You know what else I hate about Eric Byrnes’ At Bats? Everything. He always gets under the ball and pops it up on the infield. 20.5% of the time he hits the ball in play it’s an infield popup. But that’s not the worst part. Every time he gets under the ball, he spreads his arms out wide and does a little hop like The Flying Nun (at right) as he leaves the box. This little dance only seems to magnify my frustration with his whole approach to hitting. I’m not sure if he’s aware of this, but he’s really fast. He stole 50 bases last year. 50! He stole more bases than Jimmy Rollins, and Chone Figgins, and the same amount as Carl Crawford. They’re fast, guess how often they pop up on the infield? Figgins 5.9%, Rollins 7.5% (last year’s numbers), Crawford 5.7% Shouldn’t someone mention this to him? Do you think he knows? Could we start a petition?

EDIT: If you haven’t watched that video already, please do so. It’s so amazingly bad that I loved every minute of it. Who has that much time to make a video like that. It reminds me of that line from The State, “Let’s go do fun things set to popular music.”