Evil vs. Evil.

Honestly, can you truly root for either team if you’re an outsider? No, you can’t. It’s like Beelzebub vs. Satan, Hitler vs. Stalin, they’re the same, both leading teams of marauding raiders who live only for the rush of pillaging another village. Sure, they’re both incredibly strong and deeply talented teams, but that doesn’t mean you have to root for one or the other to win.

But one of the teams has to win, so who’s it going to be? After the jump, 1,200 words that could’ve been about Michelle Wie had the Intern not lipped off to me on the batphone this morning and soured my whole thought process. So, consider yourselves moderately lucky and read on. Or don’t. You’ll probably just change the topic in the comments section anyways so I might as well talk about German crafted cutlery or how to re-string a guitar or something. Oops…rambling again…back to FOOTBAW!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

I know I promised a post about weed yesterday, but I’m still struggling with the decision to post it and am saving it for a later date…yes, I know, I’m a giant pussy, believe me, I already know that…I hope we can move on.

Penn State is not as ghey as Wisconsin, certainly not as douchey as Notre Dame and DEFINITELY not the epicenter of all things that are truly evil like Michigan, but there’s a certain corner in my hate basket that I have especially reserved for Penn State. I’m not going to do a normal, rational look at the upcoming game on Saturday night, rather, I’m going to tell you why Penn State is truly one of the more despicable football programs on the face of the earth, whether Rexy agrees with me or not.

First off…Penn State simply is not that good. They aren’t. They look like a big-time program, spend like a big-time program and their fans talk and act like Penn State is a big-time program, but Penn State isn’t. I think that it’s time that Penn State embraces the fact that they’re the Big 10’s Texas A&M…a program with great tradition and resources that wonderfully squanders it all.

How can I honestly say this when they’re currently ranked number 3 in all the land? It’s easier than you think. Save for one cute little upset in 2005 when Happy Valley decided to turn into the Pit of Despair, what has Penn State actually done against either Ohio State or Michigan? Not much…actually, now I’m thinking that Texas A&M comparison might be off because ATM can actually beat one of the king’s of the Big XII hill, and beating Michigan this year hardly counts as something impressive.

So here you have Penn State fans walking around like their shit don’t stink, like they’re going to be the knights in shining armor that take the big, bad Buckeyes down and save the country from seeing OSU being talked about for the National Championship, but come on…let’s look at this like rational people. The last time Penn State played a ranked team, it was 2007. Read the rest of this entry »

I laid something on the line I kind of wish I didn’t…I made a bet with an increasingly aggressive Sparty regarding the fortunes of our preferred running backs.  Now this all started with Sparty actually believing that Javon Ringer is better than Beanie Wells, which, of course, we all know is complete garbage.  I mean, Ringer is decent, a more talented version of Mike Hart, but compared to Beanie Wells?  I mean, just look at the schools they play for, and this means ABSOLUTELY NO DISRESPECT to Mr. Ringer, but he is an Ohioan, and that border is effectively shut to players that Ohio State really wants to hang onto.

Back to the bet…I foolishly wagered that Beanie Wells would rush for at least 50 more yards than Mr. Ringer, yes, a 50 yard spread, and it’s something that I truly regret doing, but if we went straight up, there’s no doubt who would win.  The stakes?  Simple…loser writes 2,500 words about the winner.

So how sick to my stomach am I?  Pretty sick, but I’m not going to be chained to the shitter or anything, as a matter of fact, I’m resolutely confident that I’ll come out on top in the end.  Why is that?  Follow along and find out!

Read the rest of this entry »

I know I promised the weed post today, but I’m having a debate with myself whether or not it’s a good idea because I’m paranoid (probably from the weed smoke…HI-YO) that my work might find out, so that might have to wait until after the weekend.  So in the meantime, I’m going to try and convince myself that Ohio State actually has a chance in hell against USC.  Off we go.

1. Mark Sanchez has started four games in his career:  But if you’ve read/heard/seen anything on ESPN, you’d think he’d have been a two-time Heisman winner.  Stop fooling yourselves people, if USC wins this game, it’s because of their defense and their running game, not Sanchez, some douchebag who’s had ONE good game against Notre Dame and ONE good game against a Virginia team that’s the worst conference in the BCS’ worst team.  Um…do you realize how much stock you’ve been putting in Sanchez’ performances against two teams that probably belonged in D-1AA? Read the rest of this entry »

Sigh…

USC is a great team.  There I said it.  Sure, I think the Pac-10 plays the most vagina sniffing brand of football in the country and the fact that USC actually has a defense is the only reason they’ve been successful in conference (I don’t believe this at all, but I’m sticking with it), but USC is stacked.  They truly are a national power, and I understand that Ohio State has worn the crap out of their welcome a million times over.

As you recall, I previously predicted that the Buckeyes would win a close game, but now, I just don’t have any confidence in that at all.  I’ve tried convincing myself a hundred times over that the only reason the Ohio game was close was because the Bucks were saving all their variety for the USC game, and that they didn’t want to risk losing Beanie or Pryor, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I was wrong.

See, I consider myself objective to the core, someone who looks at things as they are and analyzes situations based on the most rational, even keeled basis possible.  I tried to rationalize the fact that USC is a vastly overrated team playing in a pussified conference, but in the end, all I ended up doing was grasping for air.  So instead of this being a preview of sorts, I’m going to do the exact opposite…I’m going to call out every other “powerhouse” in college football and make fun of their queer asses.  Why?  Because they deserve it.

Read the rest of this entry »

And so it begins, the most controversial section which I’ve been looking forward to writing for the last month. Let the debate begin with gusto, as any of these teams has more than a great shot at winning the whole enchilada.  In fact, I’d go as far as saying that these four teams are so far ahead of the rest of college football that this might as well be a Final Four as there will be two games, pitting two of the teams against each other in what will most likely be the most hyped meetings all year, and maybe, of the last decade.

I can’t remember a single year where there was such a fortuitous scheduling for college football teams, and the winner of each of the two games will probably meet in for the National Championship.  It’s classic, baby…two conference rivals playing at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and the ultimate, classic Rose Bowl matchup between the best Big Televen and Pac-10 teams in their conference’s histories.

So rather than look at each team individually like I did in the previous sections, I’m going to look at these two games, as nothing else really matters.  The loser of Florida and Georgia will not get a chance to win the SEC and the loser of OSU/USC will not get a nod over the winner provided they, as expected, finish with nearly identical records.  It truly is a PLAYOFF, so here we go…dear fucking God am I excited.

Read the rest of this entry »

I saw Radiohead last night. They were incredible, one of the coolest shows I’ve ever been to, everything about it was pretty cool except for the fact that we met a couple of douchebag, doctor’s sons that we went to high school with who did not stop talking about who’s dad was richer. It was ridiculous. I wanted to just yell, “dude, you realize a band that rarely plays in the US and who kicks a considerable amount of ass is playing right in front of you?”

Anyways, I feel like shit this morning. And nothing makes me feel better than talking about some college football. In today’s segment, we’re going to be discussing the strong contender teams for a BCS bowl, the teams that have an incredibly strong chance to get into one of the premier games be it from having a deep and strong team or having a schedule that sets up perfectly.

This is Phil Loadholt...he's not a small man.

Oklahoma: What’s there not to like about this team?  Best offensive line in all college football by miles, with Phil Loadholt, Duke Robinson and Brandon Walker all being among the best at their positions.  Their stable of RB’s is enviable by any team not named USC, Clemson or Ohio State and Sam Bradford is a great fit in a system that seemingly churns out star QB’s like nobody’s business.  Sure, the lack of quality targets is kind of unnerving, but come on, it’s Oklahoma, they have quality players everywhere and someone will step up.

The defense is pretty solid too, especially along the defensive line where they’re one of the strongest teams in the country.  Solid crew of LB’s as well, so why don’t I have them among the top contenders for the National Championship?  I hate their secondary and Bob Stoops ALWAYS loses a game he shouldn’t.

Why does OSU get such hate from the national media when Oklahoma has, in the last 5 years, been beaten by LSU in the NC game, WAXED by USC in the NC game, beaten by Boise State in a glorious fashion and then eviscerated by West Virginia?  Why does Oklahoma not get the same kind of bad rep?  Plus, Bob Stoops loses some game he shouldn’t every single year, be it against Kansas State, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, etc.  What’s it going to take for the national media to actually criticize Oklahoma?

Moving on before I spend 2,000 words telling you why Oklahoma…lets just move on.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, guess what? I'm putting an OSU-related picture up here for all 3 segments. It's my hot body, I can do what I want!

Here’s the deal…I was planning on doing a full, top 25 ranking but I’m not. First of all, for as much of a college football fanatic as I am, I’m simply not well versed enough to make a serious observation of the teams from 15 on down. I’m a firm believer that in any given football year, there’s only 15 seriously good teams, and because of that, I feel that I’m able to decipher who the top 15 teams are based on talent, coaching and the other goodies that makes college football so great.

Let’s be honest here, what is the point of even ranking a full 25 anymore? There are FIVE bowls that matter anymore, and guess what, there’s only 10 teams that can fill said bowls, so in my opinion, there’s really no difference between being the 14th best team in the nation and being unranked…except for the fact that an ACC team is going to get at least one of those spots and that conference, despite what everyone says about the Big Televen, is by far and away the worst conference in the nation. Add to that, the Pac-10, the second worst conference in the nation, will probably only get USC in unless Arizona State decides to play a full season and not quit halfway through like they always do. Plus, as in recent history, there will be two non-BCS teams to make it, so I’m taking that into consideration as well. That leaves two SEC, Big XII and Big Televen teams, one ACC and Pac-10 USC, and two non-BCS schools.

Two, I’m going to be in New York City from Thursday until Sunday, and what would be the point of these rankings if I wasn’t here to argue and defend my opinion? That’s what makes college football so great, the regionalism and strong sense of pride turning everyone into a bunch of Italians when it comes to talking about football. “Eh, whatsamatta wid you? USC is the best, gibroni.” “That’s a spicy-a-meataball, guido, Oklahoma is a better team.” Even the most mild mannered people will argue at the drop of a hat in defense of their team…it’s the bestest.

So rather than giving some numbers and ranking the teams in order, I’m going to divvy this thang up into three sections…today being the teams who are right there, and given some breaks, will most likely be crashing the party come January…be it in a BCS bowl or a top-tier New Years Day bowl like the Capitol One or the Cotton Bowl.

ONWARDS! (A quick aside: Right after I typed ONWARDS!, the word count was at 420…heehee…420…smoke tree, lawya. Anyways, back to business…)

Read the rest of this entry »