Tomorrow is March 17th. You know what that means, right? It means it’s time to get drunk and fill out college basketball brackets.

Every year I seem to take the lead in my office by running the pool. It’s a tricky job because you never know who might not approve of office gambling. To avoid any hassles, we don’t play for money [as far as anyone knows who doesn't play]. So earlier this morning while preparing brackets for everyone, I managed to jam our office’s main printer. I was attempting to print off 30 brackets, but the printer jammed right in the beginning. So I opened up the main door on the printer and there were 2 printed brackets stuck inside different parts of the machine. You should have seen me frantically taking apart the whole thing. People kept walking by saying “Brian you alright?” as I was covered in black ink and there were printer parts lying all over the floor. I responded, “Brian, who the fuck is Brian?”

So like 5 minutes goes by and this guy walks up behind me wearing a Xerox shirt and he says “you didn’t try to print something on this machine, did you?” and I said “yeah” and he said “well the [xerox printer part that I can't recall right now] isn’t working so it keeps jamming so I’m replacing it now” and I said “oh I’m sorry, do your thing”.

Now I was nervous because I didn’t get a chance to cancel my job, so I knew there were like 27 or 28 brackets just waiting to be printed as soon as this guy fixed whatever it was that needed fixing. So he replaced the part, and sure enough, here they came. He looked at them and said “are these yours?” and I said “uh, is it an expense report?” and he said “no they’re college basketball brackets” and I said “hmmm, no those aren’t mine”.

Then he left and I grabbed them.

March Madness indeed.

Some television for you: Read the rest of this entry »

Selection Sunday was yesterday which means you can now fill out your bracket for your chance to win a free copy of “When March Went Mad” and a free dick towel from dicktowel.com. If you haven’t yet signed up, you can still do so (I think) but only if you’re not too stupid to click this link right here.

Hurry and tell your friends. Anyone can play and anyone can win and anyone can play! And win! But only if they play! Which anyone is allowed to do!

What the hell is the matter with you that you need me to write up a reminder to sign up for the MLJ Bracket Challenge?  Are you stupid?  Is that the issue?  Or do you not like the opportunity to win free stuff that is at least partially related to the contest being entered?  Or is that you’re stupid?

Remember, all you have to do is win our bracket challenge and you’ll win a free, un-read, paperback copy of “When March Went Mad” and a free, unused dick towel from dicktowel.com.

You can sign up by clicking this link here.

Tell your friends. All of them. Especially the ones who have a big mouth but aren’t good at picking things correctly.  This will make your inevitable victory even more impressive because you’ll have won against a larger field.

With Selection Sunday a mere 6 days away we thought we get a jump on preparing you crazy bastards with the opportunity to win some free swag from your favorite site that consistently bad mouths college basketball 49 weeks of the year.  That’s right, we’re giving away prizes.  Whoooo!

It’s not often that we are able to provide such a relevant prize to our readership but somehow we managed to obtain a promotional copy of the best selling book “When March Went Mad” to give out to the person who most successfully jumps through the most hoops. In case you’re not familiar with the book, here’s a product description:

The dramatic story of how two legendary players burst on the scene in an NCAA championship that gave birth to modern basketball

Thirty years ago, college basketball was not the sport we know today. Few games were televised nationally and the NCAA tournament had just expanded from thirty-two to forty teams. Into this world came two exceptional players: Earvin “Magic” Johnson and Larry Bird. Though they played each other only once, in the 1979 NCAA finals, that meeting launched an epic rivalry, transformed the NCAA tournament into the multibillion-dollar event it is today, and laid the groundwork for the resurgence of the NBA.

In When March Went Mad, Seth Davis recounts the dramatic story of the season leading up to that game, as Johnson’s Michigan State Spartans and Bird’s Indiana State Sycamores overcame long odds and great doubts that their unheralded teams could compete at the highest level. Davis also tells the stories of their remarkable coaches, Jud Heathcote and Bill Hodges—who were new to their schools but who set their own paths to build great teams—and he shows how tensions over race and class heightened the drama of the competition. When Magic and Bird squared off in Salt Lake City on March 26, 1979, the world took notice—to this day it remains the most watched basketball game in the history of television—and the sport we now know was born.

There is no charge to enter our tournament we ask only that you praise our greatness from the rafters.

You can sign up by clicking this link here.

Remember, first prize is a brand new, unread paperback copy of the best selling book “When March Went Mad” and a free dick towel from MLJ sponsor dicktowel.com (NSFW)  But that’s not all! Second place also gets a free dick towel. Boy golly wow!

Tell your friends. Tell them to tell their friends.

In light of the NCAA Tournament apparently being canceled this year (seriously did you watch One Shining Moment last night? The thing should have been like 10 seconds long. Just put Missouri’s half court buzzer beater, the ending of the Nova-Pitt and WKU-Gonzaga games and UNC beating 5 JV teams and call it good.) I figure it’s a good time to revisit the 2008 tournament, and more specifically the 2008 national championship game.

In the first ever all 1 seed Final Four Memphis dominated Kevin Love and the UCLA Bruins 78-63, proving that Kevin Love should be in the NDBL. In the second semifinal, Kansas dominated North Carolina (twice really, as they had a 40-12 lead after 15 minutes) and ended up winning 84-66. Brandon Rush had 25 points for the Jayhawks, and unheard of Freshman Cole Aldrich came in and frustated Tyler Hansbrough. Read the rest of this entry »

All hail Baseball.  For it has vanquished its foe (however unworthy) College Basketball.  That’s right, the reign of lameness that extends from December through the end of March has been ended once again by the coming of baseball, the greatest past time ever to be invented.

But before we throw dirt upon the body of college basketball we must mention the results of the MLJ NCAA Basketball Bracket competition and chili cookoff.  The final tallies are as follows:

1. Stigs (or benji–whatever) 137 points
2. Hawkeye 128 points
3. Triston 122 points
4. Hef 121 points

Benji (or Stigs) will receive a donation of approximately $150 which he will give to his favorite bar or charity.  Let’s all glower at him as he gloats about getting the luckiest of all the idiots who got lucky.

Oh, and one last time, just for fun: Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Michigan State faculty, staff, students and members of the 2009 national championship basketball team:

First off, I should probably point out that the more accurate title for this post would be Everyone everywhere’s plea to Michigan State, but I digress. Secondly, let me just say that I am willing to let bygones be bygones. Sure Michigan State “won” a hotly contested Sweet 16 matchup over my beloved Jayhawks (I think Goran Suton just committed another foul) and sure I cheered for Louisville and UConn against you guys, but I’m willing to admit my mistake. Let’s be honest, Kansas completely overachieved this year and barely had a place in the NCAA Tournament, much less being the Big 12 champs and a #3 seed, so the loss definitely hurts less. With that said, I am willing to forgive Michigan State for your misdeeds and letting Goran Suton commit a foul every 15 seconds and not foul out of the game, provided you do one thing:

Beat the absolute fuck out of UNC. Seriously, I can’t express in words how much I hate them. Everytime I try to tell somebody about it it all comes out in gobbledegook. We can start with their bitch in the middle, Tyler Hansbrough. Seriously, this is the kid you want to hitch your wagon to? That kid gets bailed out by the refs more than the auto industry (thank you, thank you. Tip your waitresses). Everytime he does his gay little shot from the hip the refs call a foul on whoever is guarding him if it looks like the shot isn’t going in, even if Hansbrough is in the paint all by himself. And Hansbrough could probably bring a knife into the lane and kill a small child with it and not only would the refs not call anything on him, it would be an offensive foul on the child for bleeding everywhere. I hate Tyler Hansbrough and want nothing more than to see him not win a title.

Well, almost nothing more. This brings me to the biggest fuck head on planet Earth. For those of you who don’t know, that’s Benedict Arnold, who was reincarnated on August 1, 1950 as Roy Williams. Not only did Benedict Roy engineer the firing of Kansas’s Athletic Director as a way to get him to stay at the school, he decided to bolt for UNC anyways, and decided to violate some NCAA rules while he was there. In 15 seasons at Kansas he won 418 games. In six seasons, Bill Self already has 169 wins. So I guess I should thank Benedict Roy for leaving us with a better coach, but I still wouldn’t shed a tear if he suffered severe bodily harm after the game tonight.

Can’t wait to hear you cry and tell us how you don’t give a shit about North Carolina again, Benedict Roy.

But back to Michigan State. You guys have a fantastic coach. Top two with our very own Bill Self I would say, and honestly maybe a little better. Tom Izzo does just as much with far less talent at his disposal. I mean let’s be honest, Kalin Lucas, Travis Walton, all these guys are good players, but in an up year for Kansas such as last season they barely crack the rotation. And yet Izzo has them in a national championship game. So bravo Coach Izzo and bravo Spartans. Let’s get the job done.
Go Green! Go White! (Or whatever it is you guys say)

A source close to the UK athletic department tells Fox 35 Sports that Billy Donovan will resign as Florida’s head basketball coach to take the same position at Kentucky.

The University of Kentucky has called a 4:30 p.m. press conference in which the school is expected to announce the firing of head basketball coach Billy Gillispie. Kentucky has reportedly waited until a replacement coach is in place before letting go of Gillispie, who spent two seasons in Lexington.

Donovan led the Gators to back-to-back NCAA men’s basketball championships in 2006 and 2007. After the ‘07 championship, Donovan agreed to become the head coach of the Orlando Magic, but changed his mind a few days later and returned to Gainesville.

The Gators have not made the NCAA tournament in either of the past two seasons.

Via Here

What a tremendous day here at Major League Jerk. There was a music video, a Jew wrote about Catholics, Happy forgot how to use the jump function, and Roman broke the news to me that one of my top fantasy baseball picks will begin the season in the minor leagues. Boy howdy. If there was ever a day as great as this, then I would love to live it.

Now, we look forward. We look to the evening. It’s going to be a great night to drink beers and watch television. Here’s what you will be watching if you know what’s good for you.

The Office and 30 Rock (NBC)

Sure The Office has jumped the Durst, but with Stringer Bell on board there is potential.

Classic Boxing (ESPN)

Talk about a white flag. Read the rest of this entry »

My computer service has been acting gayer than Roman today so I apologize for the tardiness and slowness of the internet world today.  I didn’t realize I was so important to the world of internet peace.

Quick update on the standings in the MLJ March Madness Tourney and then you can talk your brains out: Read the rest of this entry »