Wednesday night was my last bowling night of the year. While I’ll miss the mid-week excuse to drink, I’m kind of glad it’s over. Last year I bowled fairly well and had a grand old time. This year, I bowled like an Obama. I have no idea why the wheels fell off.
I had one 200-game this season. That was literally months ago. My ball stopped hooking for some reason. My friends started surpassing my scores on a nightly basis. Last year I was the best bowler on the team by a wide margin. This year I regressed. Badly. I couldn’t do anything right.
It all came to a head Wednesday night. We had a High-Low tournament and I was the exact median average. I was left bowling with “Vacant.” In the first game, Vacant kicked my ass. I bowled a 113. It was embarrassing. The second game I bowled a 153 which was probably my best score in over a month. I started the game bowling regularly, but still sucked. In the 7th frame, I gave up and finished the game bowling two-handed like Jason Belmonte. Obviously, I wasn’t quite as successful.
Having given up completely, I bowled the entire third game two-handed. I bowled a 140-something. Vacant and I ended up in last place. Luckily, last place in the tournament made more money than places 6-14. Despite the extra 20 bucks, I felt like an asshole. I also might have been acting like an asshole because we had been drinking our regular season prize money the entire night.
I was like Rick Ankiel trying to throw a strike. (Hey, strikes are the goal for bowlers and pitchers!) I just lost my nerve. The ability to step up to the line and do something I’ve done thousands of times before was gone. If I want to continue bowling in the future, I think I’m going to have to see a sports psychologist.
Anyway, thanks for listening. This was very cathartic. Maybe I’ll go bowling tonight and see if I’m cured.
