I know Tampa Bo is going to rate this a five. What about the rest of yous guys? It’s the next great Italian/Irish rap star (He’s my cousin). And for the record, yes, he knows he is ridiculous.

First of all, let me say that I don’t give a shit about the VMA’s. And that Kanye West is an asshole. What he did was dickish and insensitive. Should we be surprised? No. Of course not. He’s always been like this. Most of us wish his jaw was still wired shut.

Second of all, what makes this Beyonce video so great?  They’re dancing. What a groundbreaking concept. What did the storyboards look like for this video? So a flamboyantly gay black man danced on Ellen. Who gives a shit? Is dancing in an empty room is the modern day equivalent of Thriller. Whatever. I didn’t even know MTV played videos. Shouldn’t the VMA’s be moved to FUSE?

Whatever your feelings about Kanye or MTV, he did have a point. How does the Beyonce video  win Video of the Year, but not best female video? Shouldn’t Taylor Swift have won VotY? How does she have a better female video, but not the better video?

Let’s say we’re giving away awards for the most delicious food. In the category of pizza, pepperoni pizza beats pineapple pizza. Then when we get around to the tastiest food of them all, we name pineapple pizza the winner. How the fuck is pepperoni the tastier pizza, but not the tastier food? It makes no sense.

If A>B then B cannot be >A. It just can’t. That’s fucking math talking. Math. You can’t dispute math. That’s just science. Read the rest of this entry »

I know, I know. Why pile on? Why mock the Colorado Rockies when they sit nine games below .500 with a 10.5 game deficit in the division? Is it cruelty? Boorishness? Lack of class? Of course it is, you idiot. We’re Major League Jerk, not major league friendly analysis center.

My favorite part of the video is that none of them find it the least bit creepy that they’re standing in a locker room saying, “Did you touch it? I think you touched it? Please tell you touched it. Wanna touch it again.” God, I’m glad my team has a slightly better publicity team.

I know, I know. Why pile on? Why mock the Colorado Rockies when they sit nine games below .500 with a 10.5 game deficit in the division? Is it cruelty? Boorishness? Lack of class? Of course it is, you idiot. We’re Major League Jerk, not major league friendly analysis center.

My favorite part of the video is that none of them find it the least bit creepy that they’re standing in a locker room saying, “Did you touch it? I think you touched it? Please tell you touched it. Wanna touch it again.” God, I’m glad my team has a slightly better publicity team.