I figured I’d put this up now before MLB forced youtube to take it down.

I didn’t get to see this live because I was out doing family stuff until the 2nd inning.  But I saw the Twitter comments and the reactions from other sites and was expecting it to be far worse.  Yes, the angle is bad.   Yes, St. Louis fans are racists for booing a president who is only 6 months into his first term.  But was it that awful?*

*If you say yes, then you’re also racist.

UPDATE: Clown here. Consider this your Quality Start, folks. Stigs had to go to some nude gay art show this morning. By the way, the American League won yet again, and thanks to Tim McCarver we know that it’s because they have the DH now. Also, I personally think that Curtis Granderson should’ve won the MVP, but what the hell do I know?

We here at Major League Jerk are not immune to the emotional aspect of the game of baseball.  Sure, we’re not a bunch of whining, crying homos like most of our readership but we are still able to recognize an emotional experience when one comes along.  As such, the entire MLJ staff was moved when they learned that, with the exception of Satchel Paige who was kept out because of racism instead of important reasons, Tim Wakefield is the oldest first time All-Star ever.  Yes, at age 42, Wakefield puts to shame the achievements of Jaime Moyer (age 40, 2003) and Connie Marrero (age 40, 1951) who’s ability to be overlooked for a large portion of their career was not as great as Wake’s.  It’s a testiment to Timmy’s endurance, stamina, and ability to capitalize on the fact that hitters aren’t using steroids anymore that should be passed down from generation to generation.

From all of us here at MLJ, we salute you, Tim Wakefield.  You honor us with your excellence.

Is this the worst goddamn commercial you’ve ever seen?  First off, why is the Arch a magnet?  And why is it picking up David Ortiz and Jose Reyes who are not All-Stars?  And how did it know that Ryan Theriot sucks?  And does Albert Pujols control it like some kind of God?  Is he evil?  And why does that song suck so bad?  Why is it that the least offensive music that ad companies use in commercials always suck the hardest?

It’s the play in game of All-Star balloting and another reason that I spot spit on anyone who uses AS Game berths as rationale for Hall of Fame votes.  Yes, that’s right, the crucial 33rd spot on each roster gets to be decided by the same people who thought Yadier Molina was better than Brian McCann.  No worries though, I’m sure justice will be served.  Let’s take a look at the 5 options per league and see if we can maybe find some rationale for each.

AL

Ian Kinsler: I’m sorry but the fact that Ian Kinsler isn’t starting in the All-Star Game is already a travesty.  That he has to be voted in by a bunch of slack-jawed retard fans is an even greater crime.  Fuck all the rest of these guys but Kinsler’s omission is the greatest sin of the year.

Adam Lind: Lind is having a hell of a season with the Jays.  But because it’s his breakout season, voters are less likely to give him the nod until he can prove this isn’t a fluke.  Read the rest of this entry »

It’s the acme of stupidity to complain about the same things each and every year; especially the things that may never ever change.  So this year we’re taking a different approach to analyzing the All-Star starters: we’re going to do some praising of the voters for the smart things they did too.  That way we don’t burn ourselves out too quickly.

Obvious Things They Got Right:

1. Making Albert Pujols #1 in votes received. This one’s a no-brainer on all levels.  For starters, he’s the best damn hitter in baseball.  For seconders, the game is in St. Louis.  For thirdsies, my wife still laughs at his name some five years after she first heard it during the 2004 World Series (I made her watch all 4 games with me).  Nice job voters.

2. Derek Jeter. God, the AL shortstop situation is a joke.  Jeter sucks and he’s still the obvious choice.  How sad.

3. Evan Longoria. There’s nobody even in his league right now in terms of quality.  Nice job, America.  Though I imagine it was made easy for you with the fact that that the third basemen for the Yankees is a steroid taking cheater.

4. Hanley Ramirez. I’m torn about giving the voters credit for this one since Jimmy Rollins led for so much of the voting.  But in the end, the rational voters (read: the ones outside of Philly) came through in a big way to make certain that the worst short stop in the NL didn’t start in the All-Star Game.  On a positive note, Rollins did just break out of his 0-28 streak a couple of days ago.  So he’s got that going for him…which is nice.

5.  The NL Oufield. Wow, not a bad choice there.  Beltran, Ibanez, and Braun are all great choices.  We also would have accepted: Upton, Dunn or Hawpe, but really nice work.

6.  The Absence of Cubs. There isn’t a Cubs player in the starting lineup.  Great job, America.  Remember last year when there were 2 starters and 8 overall?  What a load of crap right?  This year, there’s only one total so additional congratulations to the players and managers and everyone else who didn’t vote for those frauds from the North Side. Read the rest of this entry »

Ladies and gentlemen, your starting 1st baseman for the American League All Star team: Mark Teixeira!

On the morning of June 30, Mark Teixeira trailed Kevin Youkilis in fan balloting for the 2009 All-Star Game by 40,047 votes, looking up at his Red Sox counterpart 1,915,303 to 1,875,256.

Teixeira made up that ground and then some, collecting more than 1.4 million votes in the last two days of voting to earn his second All-Star selection and first as a Yankee. Teixeira was named the American League starting first baseman on Sunday, with his 3,309,050 votes edging Youkilis’ 3,069,906.

The number of votes between Teixeira and Youkilis was still greater than the total number of votes that Nick Green received.

/true story

Every year we have complaints about All-Star voting but we usually wait until it’s over with to complain.  This year, I’m trying to be more proactive with my complaints so that maybe it’ll have some effect.  So I’ve decided, instead of ridiculing the fans who vote, I’m going to try to understand them better in order to persuade them to vote differently.

Here are the following reasons I understand that people vote for a player for the All-Star game.  I’m not saying I condone these reasons but these are reasons I understand:

• The best player on their favorite team
• The best player at that position in the entire league
• A once great player who is past his prime at that position
• A player who has received a lot of hype lately
• A player from a popular team at a specific position
• The worst player at a position (I do this for fun)
• An outstanding player on a team that just won the World Series
• The best player on a team that is currently in first place
• Every member of your favorite team
• (Women) voting for someone because he’s attractive

Some of these voter types will never be rectified.  You will have trouble convincing elderly, female season ticket holders not to vote for everyone on their team or the dumbest of diehards.  There is a reason guys like Chris Young get even a single vote each year.  It’s because some people just won’t stop voting for their entire favorite team. Read the rest of this entry »

I think Jimmy Rollins should totally be starting in the All-Star Game this year.  No really.

I mean it.

The man just won a World Series ring!  That’s all that matters on team sports.  Who cares if right now he’s the worst short stop in the league when it comes to swinging a bat?  Who cares if he’s dead last among shortstops in OBP (.261!), third from last in SLG (. 322), only has 77 total bases so far with only 12 walks and 27 strikeouts?  Who cares that in spite of his awful, awful performance there isn’t another shortstop with as many plate appearances him?  Who cares about any of this bullshit?  Not me.

Who cares that the Marlins’ Hanley Ramirez leads him in every meaningful offensive statistical category including HRs, 2Bs, BBs, BA, OBP, SLG–even RBI and runs if you care about that?  Who’s ever heard of Hanley Ramirez?  Not us.  His name sounds like a trendy micro brew.  We drink Bud Light in America, am I right?

Let me ask you this:  How many rings does Hanley have, huh?  Huh?  None?  Well then what the shit are we complaining about?  You can’t fault the voters for shooting from the hip and putting a gamer in the All-Star Game.  And that’s what Jimmy Rollins is: a gamer.  Did you see Jimmy in the playoffs last year?  No, I’m not saying he was good.  But you saw him there right?  He was in the playoffs.  Was Hanley?  Check and mate.

In a move so blindingly stupid it surprises none, Phoenix was tabbed to host the 2011 MLB All-Star game.

Reasons for having the All-Star game in Phoenix:

1. Good downtown equipped for large events.
2. Great bar scene, easy trasnportation
3. Good stadium, the last of the “new” stadiums to get the All-Star game.
4. It’s the NL’s turn.

Reasons for not having the All-Star game in Phoenix:

1. It fucking takes place in July.
2. Did you not read the first reason?  It’s Phoenix…in July.
3. Stop reading these reasons, the argument should be over.

Listen, I fucking live in Phoenix and I wouldn’t go to Phoenix in July.  All that stuff you hear about how great a place Phoenix is to live?  None of that applies between June and early September.  There is no reason to be there unless you a) are forced to be there because you live there b) are in the witness protection program* or c) are so old that you complain about feeling a draft if the temperature is lower than 90. Read the rest of this entry »