We’re grouping all these teams together and we’re going to ignore a good many of them.  You may be asking, “hey spencer, why did you spend so much time on the Big 10, Pac-10 and ACC if you don’t want to talk about shitty teams?”  Well…at least those conferences had a few good teams to discuss, but this group of shit?  Damn.

The best case scenario for ANY of these teams is being on the wrong end of a 30 point ass whooping in a BCS Bowl, and before you say, “well, Utah waxed Alabama last year,” that’s not happening again.  Alabama was without its best player, was clearly not ready and, frankly, didn’t give a shit because they already had their $17 million and half a recruiting class signed.  Anything that wasn’t a National Championship didn’t/doesn’t matter so why bust ass preparing for some squad of Rudy’s from a state that allows polygamy and still has 2/3 beer?

There’s ONE team in this muck fuck of bullshit that I actually think has a chance to legitimately compete with the big boys.  And by “legitimately compete” I mean only lose by two or three TD’s.

Not Being Mentioned: UCONN, Pitt, Rutgers, and Syracuse. Also not being mentioned are the non-notables from the non-BCS conferences.

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The ACC is probably the conference with the most parity in all of college football.  Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, parity doesn’t mean good, because, fuck, is the ACC medicore.  What was once thought of as a potential superconference with the arrivals of VT, Miami and Boston Colloge has turned into the conference equivalent of the color taupe.  It’s boring, it’s unfulfilling, and at the end of the day, you’ll wonder why you wasted your time.

You’ll also wonder how the ACC annually stocks the NFL with top players, an occurance that confuses me greatly.

We’re going to do this a little differently than the other conferences, but first…we need to get rid of the garbage.

The Swill: This is kind of hard because we’ll be getting rid of a lot of teams that could be making some noise come the end of the season.  The reason I’m not talking about these teams is becuase, frankly, they bore me to fucking tears.  Duke could actually make a bowl game this season and has a solid QB in Thaddeus Lewis and are run by ex-Tennessee/Peyton Manning groomer David Cutcliffe.  NC State has a great QB prospect in Russell Wilson, but they were a pile of suck last year.  I’d love to talk about Ralph Friedgen at Maryland but you already know you’re going to get a disappointing season with a big win over a good team and then scraps before the low-tier bowl game.

Oh, and Virginia and Wake Forest fans will have to go elsewhere for a preview.  It’s not that your teams are bad, it’s just that you’re both SOOOOOOOOO boring.

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The Big XII South is the best division in college football.  Better than the SEC East and West, better than the top of the Big Ten, better than the top of the Pac-10.  Unfortunately, the Big XII North is a steaming pile of hot pony loaf.  And while I still think the SEC is better because they have the better defenses (because defense is what gets it done, son), any argument supporting the Big XII as the best conference in college football would be equally understandable.

But enough sucking up to clown for now, we’re here to talk about the rootinest, shootinest, yeehawinest conference there is in college football!!!

/shoots wildly into the air

You want shootouts?  YOU GOT SHOOTOUTS!!!  You want 500 yards of total offense?  YOU GOT IT!!!  You want hard hits and great defenses?  Well…the SEC plays on CBS, so look over there.

The Swill: There’s a lot of poop in the Big XII North and joining them in the poop tank is a traditional powerhouse that I happen to root for in the Big XII South.  Without further adieu, here are your teams that you won’t hear about…Kansas State, Iowa State, Colorado, Missouri (yes, Missouri) and Texas A&M. These teams suck to varying degrees of suck, so lets just let them get their four to six wins in peace and just let them dream of glories past. Read the rest of this entry »

Ah yes…the SEC.

While the SEC is not the brutal gauntlet from hell it’s been in the recent past, it’s still right there at the top as far as toughest conferences go.  I’m not going to get into a Big XII vs. SEC debate here, because it’s pointless (considering Florida’s winning the NC this year) and boring, but if you think the SEC is weak just because Georgia, LSU and Tennessee have some questions to answer, then you’re an idiot.

So lets get right to it, shall we?

The Swill: Well…not quite the swilliness that we saw at the bottom of the Big 10, but there’s not a lot of reason to be hopeful if you’re Mississippi State.  Vanderbilt, despite coming off of a strong year is still the token “smart school” and won’t be scaring anyone considering the depth in the rest of the conference.  Kentucky…well, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Of course I rarely follow this axiom, but nevertheless, I don’t want to waste time covering a team that’ll be lucky to win four games.  And I’m not going to talk about South Carolina, no matter who their head coach is.  They have a nice defense and a terrible offense full of shit.

The Nougat: There’s a lot of teams that fall into this category because the top two teams in the SEC aren’t only the class of the confernce, but arguably, two of the most powerful teams in the country.  While most of these teams would normally qualify as “powerful,” the question marks that surround them are just too glaring to ignore when compared to the top dogs.

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It’s time to start getting ready for College Football, and it’s about fucking time.  We’re going to take a look at each conference individually…get to the big hitters, the SEC and Big XII, Thursday and Friday, Pac-10 next Monday, hit the ACC Tuesday and maybe mix in the Big East with the Independents/MWC/etc. schools Wednesday/Thursday.

But we’re starting with the Big 10…why? Two reasons…one, I’m lazy and don’t need to look up a lot and two, I’m a masochist.

The Big Ten this year is a muddling cess pool of mediocrity and meh, with one and a half exceptions.  As the resident Big 10 homer, it’s my duty, nay, MY BIRTHRIGHT to stand up for the good, land-tilling Midwestern teams that get besieged from every angle imaginable on the Blogfrica front.

But at the same time…I’m a Buckeye fan and have too much of my own shit to worry about to get too preoccupied with a bunch of schools that couldn’t find their own asses if they were sitting down, so…

The Swill: Hey, will you lookee here.  Chances are good you’ll see these teams on the wrong end of a 20-point beatdown on the four-letter between noon and 4pm.  You will order food, make beer runs, maybe hit a bong and get your last-minute bets in serenaded by the dulcet baritone of Pam Ward and the psychotic, can’t-let-go-edness of Chris Spielman…or some other fucks that ESPN is throwing out there.  I don’t know.  I didn’t really pay attention to the millions of blog posts detailing the new announcing skeds…

Anyways…you know who this is.  Indiana, Purdue and probably Minnesota. These teams don’t deserve the effort of a detailed look.  And in Minnesota’s case, they don’t deserve jack shit as long as they insist on trotting out in those all yellow, piss-cicle uniforms again.

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