I did an image search of “Eagles Giants”, and this photo appeared. In this chicks album, there are photos of them drinking what seems to be alcohol. Because of that info, I will assume they are at least 18 years old. You can trust me on that. Therefore, it is ok to think naughty thoughts.

It is quite obvious that the chick toting the Eagles jersey is winning this fight.  Sure, the Giants girl may have landed the first punch, a haymaker to the left temple; but she will fall to the ground quicker than a prom dress when the uppercut has landed. What will happen today? WIll the Eagles be able to withstand haymakers for 4 quarters? Can the Giants prevent that uppercut knockout? Tune in today.

Manning
McNabb
Jacobs
Westbrook

It’s the NFL on Fox!

This is in response to Roman’s posts over the past few days on how the Giants will beat the Eagles. I would link to his stories, but I kinda forgot how to do that since it’s been so long since I’ve created a post.

Anyway, here is the only reason why I am not worries about the game this weekend…

For the first three years and up to the day before the Super Bowl, this guy was public enemy number 1 in New York. And arguably the biggest idiot in the NFL. When did he suddenly become a genius?

Go Birds

Hat tip: Joe Sports Fan for the pic.

We have a real treat for you today, loyal readers.  Thanks to our intrepid stalker, Gonzo, we have secured an interview with the hottest inbred, deaf-mute since Holly Hunter in The Piano.  That’s right, we’re talking about none other than Thesy Surface.  ”Who?” you ask.  Why, Margaret McPoyle of course – from the funniest show on television, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Those of you familiar with the site are undoubtedly aware of our love for the show due to its groundbreaking comedy, its willingness to turn conventional television plot lines on their ear, and the brilliance that is Charlie Day.

Again, Gonzo deserves all the credit for this stroke of brilliance.  If it weren’t for his creepy emails and his nonthreatening stalking, we never would have landed an interview of this magnitude.  See kids, if you pester someone long enough, they will eventually do whatever you want.  So, without further ado, Thesy Surface.
Read the rest of this entry »

From left to right (Rexy, Spencer, Roman, Fetch) Center (Hef)

Hey kids. I noticed there wasn’t a final post for the night, so I decided to whip one up. Football season officially started at 7pm tonight up in New York. Skins vs. the Jints. Eli for MVP? I wouldn’t rule it out.

There are some baseball games tonight, but seriously, who’s watching? It’s time for some football dammit.

(That’s all I got. I blew my load at 2pm)

What a glorious year 1993 was. I was 19 years old and just got my drivers license. I had long scraggy hair and I worked at a movie theater. Smoked my first cigarette and  broke up with my first ever girlfriend because I wanted to sow my royal oats (And I am still sowing). Went to college at Penn State’s campus outside of Philly. I took calculus and failed miserably.

But the highlight was playing for the baseball team. We were a horrible team. Our record was 4-12. We traveled to all parts of PA to get pummeled every week. In our first game we traveled to Williamsport and played in some minor league stadium. I started in left field and we were soon down 9-0 in the first inning. The coach went to the mound and summoned my services. Read the rest of this entry »

God, why have you forsaken me?

I feel so helpless

Serenity Now

Watched Cole toy with the Cubs lineup like a kid with the bright sun and a magnifying glass toying with army ants

Serenity Now

The bottom of the lineup eeked out some runs off of the unhittable Ryan Dempster

Serenity Now

Confidently sitting on my Barco Lounger as Cole left the game up 3 runs. The bullpen has been brilliant all season.

Serenity Now

Ryan gives up 3 hits, go ahead run at the plate. In comes reliable Chad to save the day

Serenity Now

I hear a whisper from Chicago. It said Rammie with a slammie. Didn’t give it too much thought

Serenity Now

One and oh count, here comes the pitch

Rammie lofts it to the stars in center

Shane stands motionless, refuses to look back

Serenity Now

My creaky legs lift me up as I walk to the kitchen and polish off my sharpest knife

Serenity Now

Ski mask? Check. Black shirt and pants? Check. List of people to find tonight? Check. Hearing my neighbors lock their doors and turn out the lights? Check. Car won’t start? Fuck.

Walk back inside

Shut out the lights

Light up a cig

Long inhale

Deep Exhale

Insanity Later

Yes, Scott. I would love a fastball over the heart of the plate. Why do you ask?

10 things I think I think about last nights game: Read the rest of this entry »

You're Welcome

Dear Hef,

We did it! We swept a four game set from those annoying Dodgers, just like you asked. When I got your email the other day, I was skeptical. I had just returned from the DL because of a back injury, and I wasn’t sure how much I could contribute this weekend. Plus, Greg Dobbs had been filling in nicely at 3rd, so I wasn’t sure how much playing time I would get. I felt for most of the weekend, but things got better midway through Sunday night’s game. That’s why I wasnt in the starting lineup. Around the 7th inning, I told Uncle Chollie I was ready to go. So he inserted me into the lineup via double switch (Thank God he got it right this time). I was totally thinking of you in the 9th when I hit that bloop single to tie the game. Right before I stepped into the box in the 11th inning, I got that text message from you (Hit it for Hef!), and it gave me goosebumps. I felt so nervous, I nearly pissed my pants at the on-deck circle. I had never been asked to hit a homer for anyone before. Plus, I was shtting bricks because I kinda figured they would throw anything but a fastball, I knew I would let you down. Luckily, Joe Torre hadn’t been able to read up on my scouting report. That’s why Jason Johnson grooved a first pitch fastball on the inside part of the plate. Shit, I thought EVERYONE knew I couldn’t hit an off speed pitch. I’m worse than Pedro Cerrano for fuck’s sake. After the bat connected with the ball, it was a joyous time as I hadn’t hit a walk-off homer ever in my career. I was so happy that night that I didn’t get a chance to email you back. I figured, why not just wait til we take the 4th game of the series. No thanks needed. Just root for us to make the playoffs.

You’re Welcome,

Pedro Feliz

P.S. Nice job with the Marlins, asshole.

This Morgan will do anything to keep her job. ANYTHING.

See what I did there?  Joe tries so hard to prove how smart he is. Yet he sounds very foolish in the process. Ryan Howard makes a couple nice plays in the field, and Joe tries to paint him as an average fielder. Ryan is abysmal. He has hands of stone; he cannot field well; his throws to second base wind up in left field; and he doesn’t scoop very well either. And I’ve never seen a professional announcer who has been in the business for 20 years trip over his words so much than Joe last night.

The kicker was Joe talking about Philly fans. He almost had it right tonight. Joe tried to explain to the world that Philly fans boo and cheer at appropriate times. He got that right. Then he said the fans don’t appreciate the superstars that play for this town. He brought up Donovon McNabb, which is a valid point. Fans here are assholes when it comes to McNabb. But the fans don’t hold back no matter who you are. Ryan Howard may lead the league in ribbies, but he is not immune to the boos. Neither is Rollins, Utley, Myers or anyone on the team. If you fuck up, you are gonna hear it. Don’t you understand that Joe? Read the rest of this entry »