Don't drop it Purple Jesus!

On this blessed evening, the National Football League converges in our houses and hearts as it presents it 10th and 11th best players at each position to play it’s 1157th annual Pro Bowl in a half empty Sun Life Stadium in South Florida. Enjoy the pageantry and majesty of it all as David Garrard and Matt Schaub lead the American Football Conference against Aaron Rodgers and Tony Romo of the National Football Conference. A wonderful time will be had by some. Anywho, I will be watching Big Love hoping to see more naked ass shots of Ginnifer Goodwin and less naked ass shots of Bill Paxton. Like clown always says: make sure to rape a loved one, you never know when you will get another chance.

Good morrow my fellow Jerks. What a boring ass weekend this has been. Between the excitement of the Frank Catalanotto signing and Hef changing the template I don’t know where to begin. Well, I guess right there. I think that ends it too. Really, I am sitting here right now (10:40PM U.S. Standard Time Saturday Night) watching UFC 107 on Spike TV, which I saw live on PPV. The MLB Network is showing Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS and there is no chance in hell I am watching that. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t like the NBA. I barely like College Basketball and I only like that during the Conference Tournaments and NCAA Tourney. There were 20 games I could have watched yesterday but I passed. I wound up washing the kitchen floor, watching the NFL Network’s America’s Game Super Bowl XXV DVD, dicking around on the internet, letting my wife watch Days of Our Lives on the DVR and basically wasting an entire Saturday. It helped that I have a terrible case of Swimmer’s Ear (not gotten anywhere near a pool) that swelled my ear up to twice it’s size. I was in so much pain that the doctor game me Ultracet. My allergy to codeine doesn’t allow me to take Percocet or Vicodin.  Anywho, it made me loopy. I am happy to tell you my ear is less swollen and all should be well for Friday and my trip to Mexico. 5 Days. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are last night’s happenings: Read the rest of this entry »

There’s not much going on tonight in the land of sports. The Cavs aren’t playing, so you have my permission to take a night off on watching the NBA. The college hoopsters are probably playing a full slate, but that sport is geared towards fags, so that rules out (most of) our readership. The footballers will be back tomorrow night with the Pro Bowl. Roman will get you all pumped up for that at the appropriate time. I guess that just leaves regular ol’ television. Let’s check out a random sample of what’s on tonight, yeah?

Shallow Hal at 7:30 on FX. This is one of the watchable (the only watchable?) Jack Black movies. Gwyneth Paltrow takes a comedic turn and pulls it off. Not a great flick, but worth a viewing if you haven’t seen it.

Jurassic Park at 8:45 on one of the HBOs. If you don’t like this movie, you suck. It has dinosaurs, Newman (/hyena’d), and Samuel L. Jackson. What more do you want?

Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. Am I the only person in ‘Merica who hasn’t seen this piece of garbage? If I’m not, show yourself in the comment section. I’ll shake your hand.

Half Baked at 9 on BET. This movie is twelve years old? Damn, I’m getting old.

Obligatory Saturday Night Live at 11:30 on NBC. The dude from Mad Men is hosting what will surely underwhelm.

That’s it for me, people. Have a good one.

The Mets have made another big splash in the Free Agent Market by signing New York’s own Frank Catalanotto to a minor league deal. Fuhgeddabodtit! Read the rest of this entry »

I’m sick as fuck and was in bed by 10 PM last night. Consequently, I missed most of the sporting night, so let’s see what happened. As always, if you have glistening cock picks (celeb or otherwise), send them here. Also, please, no chicks in the pics. Thanks. To your right, a redhead with the NickP seal of approval.

Cavs 94, Pacers 73: There’s not much to complain about when you roll a team by 21 at home, but I will say the Cavs fell into the Pacers’ trap of shooting too early in the shot clock, a minor nit. Jim O’Brien’s game plan last night was terrible, and Danny Granger is back and healthy, easily reclaiming his spot as the most overrated player in the Association. What a hackfraud.

Bulls 108, Hornets 106: Schlarpy’s team pulled off a nice road win in OT last night, led by Joakim Noah’s 13 points and 18 rebounds. Unlike Schlarpy, I don’t think D-Rose deserved to make the all-star team. Noah should be on it, though. Guy is second in the league in rebound and plays excellent defense. He doesn’t score, so no one cares about the guy, but he’s a great player. /chokes on vomit after saying that because I hate Noah as a person’d

T-Wolves 111, Clippers 97: The Clippers cannot make the playoffs this year. I would like them to blow up their roster and send Marcus Camby (19 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 blocks last night) to the Cavs in the following very simple package: Wally, Jawad Williams, and a first round pick for Marcus Camby. That is all.

That’s it for me, sheeple. Enjoy this song from Cleveland’s finest. It’s one of my current faves. Read the rest of this entry »

On Thursday evening, the NBA announced that Chicago Bulls PG Derrick Rose was named to the All Star team as a reserve. Along with that announcement was a fun little bit of trivia that Rose is the Bulls’ first all star since Michael Jordan in 1998. In case you’re bad at math, 1998 was approximately 9 years ago. I know, right? Just think of all the things that have happened since then. Some guy who died in 1999 was still alive, something that happened in 2000 hadn’t even happened yet, and the Yankees were baseball’s best team. Craziness.

Being one of the few Bulls fans who remained loyal to the team even when they were winning fewer than 20 games back in the early part of this century, I hope you don’t mind that I take this time now to raise a glass and toast young Derrick for this achievement, one in which gives Bulls fans everywhere a chance to finally have a rooting interest in the main game during the NBA’s All Star weekend rather than just the rookie/sophs game.

/clears throat

Hi Bulls fans. I promise I’ll keep this short and sweet. And by “short and sweet”, I mean “long and torturous” [pause for laughter]. We’re here to honor Derrick Rose, a local kid out of Simeon High School, who was brought to us through the sheer luck of the NBA’s rigged lottery system. He’s given us thrills, like that time he dribble-penetrated into the lane and kicked it out to that shooter out on the wing who bricked it off the side of the rim, thus eliminating the chance for an assist [pause for laughter], and controversies, like that time when he was pictured giving a shout-out via hand signals to those gang member friends of his [make frowny face]. But today we look past all that and look only to the future. A future that looks brighter every day because of a young 21-year-old kid from Chicago, who dreamed one day of representing his home town in the NBA [wipe away tear]. Today we salute Derrick Rose. Here’s to the first of many All-Star appearances. Derrick, you wanna stand up and say a few words? Oh wait never mind. Let’s not ruin the moment. Anyway, here’s to you, Bud.

/raises glass, spits

Good job, Derrick. Thank you for helping me push the memories of Dickey Simpkins and Corey Benjamin and Dalibor Bagaric and Khalid El-Amin and Marcus Fizer and Roger Mason and Rick Brunson and Eddie Robinson and Kornel David and Rusty LaRue and all the other scrubs who had no business playing in the NBA way, way down into the back of my brain, never to be seen or heard from again. I appreciate it.

Now let’s watch some television: Read the rest of this entry »

It appears that nobody wants to win this goddamn thing.  Everybody just wants to lose it.  And other sports cliches. Here’s the original post for all of you who are thinking about bitching.

Remember, you get one point for a correct first round pick, two for second round, three for third, and five for the Super Bowl. Since both of my picks are out of the playoffs, I hang my head in shame.

The Leaderboard: Read the rest of this entry »

Nothing To Click Here is the collective effort of the entire MLJ staff. These are just some of the things we come across in our daily reading. The links contained within are either extremely well-written, thought-provoking, funny, weird or simply awesome. If you have any suggestions please send them here

In honor of the iPad, the top five pads of all time. (Steady Burn)

Advice for Colts fans going to Miami. (Midwest Sports Fan)

Poker Pro donates $200,000 to baseball team. (Babes Love Baseball)

NY Gov. Patterson criticizes Jets Defensive Backcourt. (HHR)

Why are we comparing Pete Rose to Mark McGwire? (7th Inning Stache)

How to suck at Facebook. (The Oatmeal)

The MLJ Video of the Day (click the link!) is a nice parody of news stories…by a British person…who apparently doesn’t know the Daily Show exists.

After the jump, this guy might have his priorities out of whack.
Read the rest of this entry »

No, this has nothing to do with actual coaching…because we all know Mack doesn’t do any of that.  This is a matchup between good and evil.  Honor and integrity vs. slimeball garbage.  No…this is more than just Mack vs. Tressel.

The stakes?

All world recruit, Jordan Hicks…a star in the making plying his trade in Ohio, but who is a native Texan who’s a lifelong Longhorn fan.  And when you throw Florida into the mix, you have a battle of the giants raging.  Today is the decision day…12:30 LeBron Standard Time.  Ohio State vs. Texas IV.

So…who ya got?

*we should throw Urban Meyer in there, but he’s taking a “leave of absence**.”
**but he’s got God doing all his recruiting for him.

PS…the kid’s going to Texas.  This post was nothing more than an outlet for me to take a subtle jab at Mack Brown.  Hopefully, he chooses the good guys over those fags in Austin, but once a fag always a fag*.
*unless he chooses OSU, which would make him the coolest evar.

So the ruling bodies of golf, the USGA and R&A have put in this new rule scaling back the depth and width of grooves in all clubs that you may have heard about.  It’s kind of an effort to change the big picture…to put a premium on accuracy, rather than distance and to, hopefully, scale back the ridiculous rough length and course conditioning that’s been plaguing the pro golf landscape for the past few years.

Of course manufacturers fought this new ruling, I mean it’s costing them $MILLIONS, but the more curious movement has been the player resistance.

A quick history lesson…the Ping Eye 2 wedges were a revelation.  They were probably the first mass produced wedge that had the square grooves, or the grooves that the ruling bodies are railing against.  So back in the mid 80’s, these wedges became increasingly popular, thanks to their ability to cut through dense rough that v-shaped grooved wedges and irons simply couldn’t.  The USGA was pissed, but Ping godhead, Karsten Solheim said they were legal.

Then the PGA got involved, trumped the USGA ruling and said they’d be illegal, and long story short, Ping sued both the PGA and USGA, won, and the Ping Eye 2 wedges were now conforming as they were grandfathered in.  Don’t understand?  Don’t worry, neither do I.

Anyways…these wedges ARE legal and conforming, even though other manufacturer’s square grooved wedges aren’t.  And a lot of players are following trendsetter John Daly’s example (figures that the biggest hillbilly on tour would find a way around the legalese), including some high profile names…such as one, Phil Mickelson (you can see the wedge in the pic above).  These guys have them sitting in their garages from years and years ago, and now they’re hauling them out for use. Read the rest of this entry »