What is Steve Williams’ Story Worth? $5m. $10m? More?

Tiger Woods!  Tiger Woods!  Blah blah blah!   But what about the real victim in this sordid affair(s)?  No, not Elin.  She’s gonna get paid, one way or another.  I’m referring to one Mr. Steve “Stevie” Williams.  I know, I know… why worry about him?  Sure, he comes off as a colossal dick, but the man is just doing what any good caddy should.  Protect your bag, break cameras, and get paid a hefty sum to do it.  Forbes Magazine once surmised that Williams made $1.27m in 2007.  Serious scratch for a caddy.  You know, a caddy.  A looper.  A jock.  But what does his future hold?  If Tiger and the Mrs. are gonna put on the dog and pony show of working their shit out, I gotta think that Stevie is done.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a friend who got busted for similar “transgressions”.  For reasons unbeknownst to men , in the worst example of guilt by association, you probably heard something from your own lady about the situation.  Most likely in the form of passive-aggressive questions, demands for explanations of where you and the boys really went last Saturday night, or straight-up accusations of infidelity (because if your best friend did it, why wouldn’t you?).  In summation…homeboy is fucked.

Every night's like Bachelor Party II: The Last Temptation

There is no way in hell that Elin doesn’t think that Stevie is wrapped up in all of this.  There’s no way in hell he didn’t know, therefore he’s at least been complicit in the actions of El Tigre.  If we think this, sure as shit Elin does, too.  Been there.  Done that.  And then we throw in that he’s married, as well.  I hope Williams enjoys the silent, awkward dinners he’s now having with his own wife.  Welcome to hell.

So…the question becomes:  When Stevie is inevitably let go, how air-tight is the confidentiality agreement likely included in that huge armored-car full of hush money severance package?   For shits ‘n giggles, let’s come up with a number for the following scenario.

[phone rings, Steve Williams answers]
Hello, Mr. Williams.  This is Bob Random House, III calling.  I’d like to talk to you about a deal for the rights to your story.  I’m envisioning teaming you up with Rick Reilly as ghost writer.  I’m getting ready to fax you our offer, in the amount of…

How much do you sell out the guy for who’s going to have to likely let you go?  Does he automatically take after his boss and offer his own wife a massive chunk of “Honey, I wouldn’t do that to you” change?

You kids fill in the number.