Weekly NFL Power Rankings: Week 11

Intern Jace is back fulfilling the obligations of his weekly gig telling us why he ranks certain NFL teams above other NFL teams with better records and stats. Remember, you can’t dare question his credentials because he also has a popular “sports” blog where he talks about which actress he would date if he weren’t 5′3″ and his voice didn’t actually sound the way most athletes think all bloggers sound.

I’ve got bad news for the Intern Jace fans who read his rankings at our glorious site.  He had to take the week off because he [quote] “had to catch Twilight: New Moon 5 or 6 times on Sunday in order to digest the intricacies of the plot, character development, and uber pecks of those Werewolf dudes.”

So I, uh, guess we’re going to do i t ourselves.  Which is weird.

1. Saints: Jesus, this team impressed the hell out of me last night against what I consider to be the best team in football.  Not just their offense, which was efficient, but their defense too.  Damn.
2. Colts:
3. Vikings: I don’t want to rank them this high but I don’t have much of a choice.  I hate Brett Favre.
4. Patriots: They’ve been beaten by both the #1 and #2 teams in the league.  From an optimistic point of view, this could be good practice for the playoffs.  From a pessimistic point of view, their defense is nowhere near as good as it was in year’s past.
5. Cincy:

Hef’s Friend: You see the ass on that girl over there?  Bit of a Bengal though.
Hef: Bengal?
Friend: Nice uniform, ugly helmet.
Hef: The Bengals don’t have nice uniforms.

6. San Diego: Phillip Rivers has been phenomenonal for a team with zero rushing ability.
7. Dallas: Tony Romo sucks and anyone who says otherwise likes fancy hats and scarves.
8.  Arizona: Kurt Warner’s absence was sorely missed in Sunday’s game against the Titans.  Good defense and strong offense could mean a deep playoff run.
9. Pittsburgh: That Dixon fellow almost won a game with that great defense and well run offense.  Big Ben should sit out a few more games.
10. Baltimore: This is a good goddamn team and it’s about time they caught a few breaks.
11. Denver: The Broncos won again!  Maybe they aren’t frauds after all!  Maybe I’m overreacting in the opposite direction yet again!  Maybe I should take my medication!
12. Philadelphia: It’s a good thing they play in the NFC or else they’d be no better than the Jags.
13. Green Bay: I like Aaron Rodgers but he’s going to die if he gets sacked this much the whole season.  I think he’s on pace for 128 sacks for the year.
14. Tennessee: They’re finally putting it all together but it’s probably too late.  They play the Colts this week and need a win or they’re officially done.  They need to win out to have a shot.
15. Jacksonville: This team sucks and if they make the playoffs I’m going to write a letter to the commissioner complaining about the schedulers.
16. Giants: This team sucks and if they make the playoffs I’m going to write a letter to the commissioner complaining about how shitty the NFC East is.
17.  Atlanta: This team sucks and if they make the playoffs I’m going to write a letter to the commissioner complaining about the Deep South and asking for reparations.
18. Houston: This team sucks and if they make the playoffs I’m going to write a letter to the commissioner complaining about how stupid the entire state of Texas is.
19. Miami: I figure we’re about 1 loss away from never hearing the word “Wildcat” spoken without a condescending tone ever again.
20. San Francisco: This team sucks.  Luckily they won’t make the playoffs.
21.  Bears: I was never really on the Jay Cutler bandwagon but that dude sucks even with his lousy receivers and lousy offensive line.  Also, Brian Urlaucher’s a big douche too.
22. Jets: I wish I could drop them even lower but I can’t.  I take great solace in the fact that Mark Sanchez is the worst QB in the league after Brady Quinn.
23. Seahawks: Justin Forsett is going to be good if he can get consistent opportunities.  In the games where he’s been given 17 or more carries, he’s run for 123 and 130 yards.
24. Panthers: For awhile there it looked like the Panthers were going to come out of their early season funk too.  But then Jake Delhomme reminded us why we make Jake Delhomme jokes all the time.
25. Raiders: If JaFatass is out, I have nothing to say about this team.  There’s no reason.  I don’t think Al Davis jokes are that funny so I got nothing.
26. Redskins: I literally have nothing to say about this team.
27. Bills: I’m glad I haven’t heard much about TO this year.  Next year I hope he plays for the Seahawks so that he can disappear completely.  When’s the last time anyone talked about a WR from Seattle?
28. Bucs: Jon Gruden needs to snap this team into shape.
29. Rams: My mother (may she rest in peace) told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Having said that, fuck the Rams and their abortion of a franchise.
30. Chiefs: My mother (she’s dead you know) told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Having said that, I hear that the only people who live in Kansas City are the retards who are too stupid realize what a shithole it is.
31. Lions: Yes, they do have 2 wins.  But one of those wins came against the worst team in the whole world so it doesn’t count as a win.  It counts as a nothing.
32. Browns: Brady Quinn is no longer the gayest guy in Cleveland after Grady SizeQueen took dick picks to send his boyfriend.  Those two are a match made in heaven.