Weekly Playoff Report

I’ve decided that I like the idea of a weekly update on which teams have a shot at the playoffs and which ones might as well start packing it in. After 7 or 8 games we’ve learned enough about teams that we can start looking ahead at the games that matter most.

If the playoffs ended today, the following teams would be in:

NFC
1. New Orleans (7-0)
2. Vikings (7-1)
3. Eagles (5-2)
4. Cardinals (4-3)
Wild Card: Dallas (5-2)
Wild Card: Giants (5-3)

On the bubble: Packers (4-3), Falcons (4-3), Bears (4-3), Niners (3-4)

Locks:

• The Saints are a good goddamn football team and now hold a 3 game division lead on the Falcons.  We can call the lock smith because this team is a…lock.
• Brett Favre and the Vikings continue to throw the ball more than they run it which makes a ton of sense because they have a lousy running back and a young QB who totally isn’t prone to interceptions.  In spite of these lies, the Vikes are a lock.

Remaining NFC spots:

Bunch of shakeups this week due in large part to the Giants crapping all over themselves in the city of brotherly love and the Cardinals laying a deuce at home.  The thing I notice at first glance is that the NFC East has 3 teams represented in the playoffs if they were to end today and there are 4 head to head games remaining involving those 4 teams (2 PHI-DAL, 1 NY-DAL, and 1 NY-PHI).  Of the few times since 2002 when a division has sent three representatives, the NFC East has done it thrice.

If we call those 2 division spots locks then that leaves 8 teams to fight for 4 spots:

• The Falcons were expected (by me) to lose both games to the Saints and still compete for a playoff spot.  They still have two games remaining against the Bucs and 1 against the Panthers so they should be able to pad their record a bit.  The bad news of course is that Matty Ice is human after all.
• The Niners played tough against the Colts in IND and now get to play the Titans at home.  They should even things up and hope for the Cards to lose in Chicago.  Their matchup on Dec 14th in SF suddenly becomes all the more drastic.
• The Giants have gone from pseudo lock to bubble team and still have to play SD this week.  Roman is on suicide watch.
• Dallas and Philly play this week which will straighten things out in the NFC East until they become all convoluted again.
• Green Bay is looking to avoid being upset against Tampa this week to move into stronger playoff contention and to make my life more difficult.  Assholes.

AFC
1. Colts (7-0)
2. Broncos (6-1)
3. Bengals (5-2)
4. Patriots (5-2) [Ed. Note: w00t!]
Wild Card: Steelers (5-2)
Wild Card: Texans (5-3)

On the bubble: Ravens (4-3), Chargers (4-3), Jets (4-4)

Locks:

• There’s not much to really say about the Colts other than they’re the best team in football.  Oh, and they’re a lock to make the playoffs.
• I don’t like the Broncos; I’m not impressed by their offense and I am willing to not let myself get too shocked if they fall to fourth in the AFC.  But they are almost certainly a playoff lock.
• The Pats are going to finish the year 13-3 fight for a bye in the first round of the playoffs.  Winning the division isn’t enough this year as there’s a lot of good teams in the AFC…again.  Eager to see how they match up against the Colts in two weeks.

Remaining AFC spots: 6 teams fighting for 3 spots.

• The problem with the Bengals having a bye week is that I don’t have any new reasons to doubt them.  Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.
• The Steelers could move into the lock category with a win over the Broncos this week.  Is that something they might be interested in?
• The Jets are going to have to go 6-2 to have a shot at the Wild Card with games @IND, @NWE and vs ATL and CIN remaining.  I don’t like their chances.
• I still like the Ravens as a team, especially after this win against the Broncos.  They need 6 more wins to make the playoffs with another overrated team on the horizon in the form of the Bengals.
• Houston needs to go 5-3 the rest of the way to get a spot in the playoffs with 2 games remaining against IND and 1 against the Pats.  If they sweep the rest, they could slip in.
• Remember last week when I said the Jags could sneak into the playoffs because of their weak schedule despite how awful they are?  Well they decided to shit the bed early against the Titans and blow any shot they might have had.  It’s like needing two freethrows to send the game into overtime and bricking the first one.  No anticipation…just failure.

This week’s “playoff shakeup game of the awesome”: Eagles 40, Giants 17. For the second or third week in a row the Giants screw up everyone’s playoff projections.  Even people who expected the Iggles to win didn’t think it would be this much of a blowout.  Embarrassing stuff for sure as it’s the 3rd straight loss for NY, dropping them to 3rd in the division.
Honorable Mention: Cards losing to the Panthers at home, 31-21.

Looking ahead: Games with playoff implications this week.  Lots of them this week.

Cardinals/Bears: Two teams fighting for a playoff spot square off at Soldier Field with the only shot at zzzzzzzzzzzzz….Okay, the Cards have the obvious advantage, playoff wise, because they play in the weaker division and only have to win the division title.  This game means immensely more to the Bears who are more or less done if they lose.
Ravens/Bengals: I think the Ravens are better than their record and here’s another chance to prove it.  With a victory this week, they’ll even their record against the division leaders and have a shot at a share of the division lead.  Also, it will drive Spence and NickP nuts if the Bangs lose to the unibrow.
Texans/Colts: I guess some people may have thought this game would have playoff implications when they looked at the schedule early in the season but I wasn’t one of them.  I’m curious how many chances Steve Slaton is going to get to run the ball after the impressive performance by Moats this week (albeit against the Bills).
Cowboys/Eagles: [Makes wanking motion....thinks of something clever to say...instead continues to make wanking motion]
Giants/Chargers: Hoo boy, this is a big game.  If the Giants lose this game that’s 4 straight losses and you know what they say about momentum: [conventional wisdom that is easily disproved with facts and will easily be forgotten when and if the Giants eventually make the playoffs].  Right?
Steelers/Broncos: Both of these teams should make it in to the playoffs but this one is a good matchup of tough defenses and overrated QBs.  Exciting stuff.

Bye Week Teams: Buffalo, Cleveland, Oakland, St. Louis, Minnesota, New York