Weekly NFL Playoff Report

The NFL playoffs are a numbers game. You only have room for so many teams. Starting next week we will also include division records and head to head matchups which become key down the stretch. Here is our weekly playoff report.

If the playoffs ended today, the following teams would be in:

NFC
1. New Orleans (10-0)
2. Vikings (9-1)
3. Cowboys (7-3)
4. Cardinals (7-3)
Wild Card: Eagles (6-4)
Wild Card: Packers (6-4)

On the bubble: Giants (6-4), Falcons (5-5)

Locks:

• The Saints are a lock for the playoffs as everyone knows.  What you might not know?  They’re going to lose to the Pats next week.
• If Brett Favre wins the MVP I’m going to stab a baby.  Maybe it’ll be one of mine.  Lord knows I’ve got enough that no one will notice, but I promise you this: a baby will get stabbed if Favre wins the MVP award.  Oh, and the Vikings are a lock for the playoffs.
• The Cards now have a 3 game lead in the division with Tennessee on deck.  Looking at their schedule they only have one, maybe 2, tough games remaining.  11 wins won’t be enough for a first round bye but it means they can get healthy, especially Kurt Warner who took a big hit this week that kept him out of the 2nd half.

Remaining NFC spots:

The Falcons loss to the Giants this week tightens things up even more as we come down to the wire.  Let’s see where we sit.

If we call those 3 division spots locks then that leaves 5 teams to fight for 3 spots:

• The Cowboys still own the division lead but not by much.  Luckily they have the Raiders at home on Thanksgiving to help them hold onto their lead.  Look for me to copy and paste most of this paragraph next week as they should be considered a lock for the win.
• The Eagles did not inspire a lot of confidence against the Bears this week, a team that has proven again and again that they suck.  As such, they’re giving the Giants more and more hope.  They own the tiebreaker which is the only thing keeping them in the playoffs.
• The Packers moved into the playoffs with a victory this week and they hold a better conference record than the Giants.  A nice first half against San Francisco made up for a weak second half.
• Last week I predicted that the Giants would lose to the Falcons.  And for the record, I was so fucking close that I’ll call it a win anyway.  Nice work, Hef.  Either way, the Giants barely beat a depleted Falcons team at home so I’m going to say that even if they make the playoffs they’re not a playoff team.
• The Falcons are injured and aren’t very good anyway.

AFC
1. Colts (10-0)
2. Bengals (7-3)
3. Patriots (7-3) [Ed. Note: w00t!]
4. Chargers (7-3)
Wild Card: Steelers (6-4)
Wild Card: Jaguars (6-4)

On the bubble: Broncos (6-4), Texans (5-5), Ravens (5-5)

Locks:

• In order for the Colts to not get a first round bye, two of the 7-3 teams would have to win out and the Colts would have to go 2-4 the rest of the way.  Who wants to bet that doesn’t happen?
• Last week I predicted that the Pats were going to straight up murder the next team they played…and they did.  Now will you believe me when I say they go 12-4 and get a first round bye?  Will you?
• The Bengals are going to make the playoffs. They have ugly uniforms and sometimes play stupid against teams they should beat but they will make the playoffs.  Honest.

Remaining AFC spots: 5 teams fighting for 3 spots.

• Remember when that one Trotter dude only made 2 real predictions in his 2nd half prediction post and both of them were about the Steelers going undefeated the rest of the way? Ha, what a douche. Oh, and my favorite headline of the week: Chiefs Stun Steelers, Big Ben Suffers Hit to Head.  Lulz.
• The Chargers took control of the AFC West with a big win over the Broncos and are now almost guaranteed a playoff spot since the Broncos have announced to the world that they suck.
• If the Jags can win the next two games, one in SF and the other at home against fellow playoff contender Houston, they will put themselves in the driver seat.  This is, of course, a tall order but a win against the Texans is worth more than a win against Indy as far as playoffs go.

This week’s “playoff shakeup game of the awesome”: Giants 34, Falcons 31.  You know what this game let everyone know?  It let everyone know that there are only 6 good teams in the NFC.  And that number is probably closer to 4.

Looking ahead: Games with playoff implications this week.

Giants/Broncos
Pats/Saints
Colts/Texans
Steelers/Ravens
Niners/Jags