Today’s list…Top 5 things I hate about Michigan in honor of Michigan/Ohio State week, but first, BUCKEYE MARAUDING PIRATES FUCKING UP THE MICHIGN BANNER!!!
LOLZ THIS MGOBLOG!!!
/points at crotch
5. Bo Schembechler: Five bowl wins in TWENTY years? Never winning a National Championship? Never getting Michigan to no. 1 as the top ranked team in the country? Way to go Michigan…not only is your “savior,” nothing more than a solid coach with FEWER titles than Larry Fucking Coker, but he’s a Buckeye. You put all your trust, all your love into a man who learned everything he knew from your sworn enemies. Like all your best players in your shitty program’s history, Bo was an Ohioan not fit to be a true Buckeye. Michigan…where Ohio State’s sloppy seconds are the best thing since sliced bread.
4. Chad Henne and Mike Hart: Mike Hart is a talentless midget with a big mouth, and while Chad Henne isn’t really offensive for any particular reason, he is still a douchebag with terrible tattoos. Both these guys were lionized by the Michigan faithful as program defining figures, and yet, when you think of all the great players in Michigan history, I’d wager that not a lot of them went o-fer against their hated rivals.
Not seen on this list: Jake Long.
Jake Long scares me.
3. The Big House: For such a BEEEEEEEEEEEEEG house, why is it so quiet?
/cue up standard Michigan-fan response of, “it’s the architecture
//if it’s the architecture, why did your school of geniuses fuck it up?
///or is it that you’re just a bunch of shitty, non-cheering fans?
////I think we got it
/////oh, and PSU’s is bigger for the time being…until your renovations will be done, and by that time, Texas AM will surpass the both of you
2. The arrogance: Yes, Michigan is a great university, but lets not paint Ohio State as the proverbial trailer classrooms in the back of the parking lot where the slow kids learn dumb math. I didn’t even go to Ohio State and I feel the need to stick up for a school that’s the largest single-campus university in the country, has 19 graduate programs in their respective field’s top 10 listings and is in the top 60 universities in the US and top 20 public universities in the world according to US News.
But lets stick to football, shall we?
11 National Titles? Wow. Impressive. Wait a second…10 of those were before 1950. And the other one was HALF of a title. How dare you consider that a championship when, you know, YOU SHARED IT. Meanwhile, the Buckeyes have six titles since 1950. Good for us.
It’d be one thing if Michigan was still a nationally relevant program, but unfortunately, it’s not. It’s a rotting carcass of a once great man now forced to live his life in a diaper hauling around an oxygen tank everywhere they go. It’s a once impressive vessel captained by a drunk guy who removed all the things that made the ship great to begin with and replaced them with parts that don’t fit. Michigan is New Coke, a bastardized product that’s dressed up like the original, but isn’t satisfying in the least.
Of course, it doesn’t matter that it’s been 2,178 days since Michigan last tasted victory against their rivals because they still have the all-time lead buoyed by wins over Ohio State when football wasn’t even a varsity sport. It doesn’t matter that Michigan’s in danger of missing consective bowl games for the first time since, shit, God knows because they were a kick ass team back when Archduke Ferdinand was strolling around ALIVE. Basically, Michigan hasn’t been good since color TV came out, yet you still hear about how fucking great they are even tho this…
and this…
happened.
1. Their “fans”: The term “fan” implies one who cheers. Michigan fans do not cheer. They read graphs, put pictures of kitties up on their blogs when they lose to a D-1AA team and only raise their voices if they’re telling you to sit down or if you’re a valet and scratched their BMW.
So in honor of this week…go to your window, open it and yell, “FUCK MICHIGAN!!!” It’s your civic duty, nay, your PATRIOTIC duty, because if you like Michigan, you’re rooting for Canada.
(HT Video: Our Honor Defend)
Sit down!
/shakes keys
//puts pic of kitty on blog
///comes off as smug
////ty duffy’d
i’ll just get it out of the way.
/tampa bo’d
/sent from his iPhone
Arkansas>michigan
/what i learned from this post
Why would you post a video of grown football players who are unable to tear up a sign?
/i’ll hang up and listen
Hhahahah, Hef’s comment made me watch the video. Ohio State could have used the Hulkster, brother!
If your group of illiterate rapists is so much better, why do you dedicate entire posts to Michigan? Let it go.
/this post really is fagot bullshit
because we care, paris. because we care.
Because this is the last game of the year that they have a chance at winning.
lets see if oregon gets there first, ok?
last time i checked, arizona killed their BCS hopes the last time they were in position.
Ummmmm…[looks at watch]…[looks at calendar]..ummmmm
/this will get worse before it gets better
Oregon, Oregon State, Stanford, whoever it is will run circles around tOSU.
/you had to bring up Zona ‘07 didn’t you?!?!?!
you started it.
3 more weekdays of this, huh? well 2, actually.
Fuck Michigan
/back on topic
it is because of people like spencer i will cheer loudly when michigan beats ohio state. the sooner the better michigan. the soone the better.
/doesnt give a shit
This is some fagot bullshit.
um…
I know how Spence feels. I didn’t go to Oregon (no baseball team at the time) but I still bleed green and yellow and refer to them as “we” and “us”.
90% of the people who go apeshit for Miami didn’t attend the U either.
who gives a shit? are people allowed to root for pro teams only if they worled or played for them?
Sounds like someone didn’t go to college.
/snorts
not yet. i spent my college years serving my country
ain’t that the truth. amazing how many people i know that were students that went to only about 5 games their entire 4 years at the school.
Cue LittleBuddha with a snide comment about service…
someone has some daddy issues.
http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2007/06/1103061allgier1.jpg
Looks like he has color crayon issues.
Go Butler!!
/
bored and the internet makes me stupid
You’re a fan of the peen gobblers, eh?
fuck off. i dont know how that started but knock it off or I’ll start a riot in here.
/
lights drapes
MLJ has drapes? Fancy.
Hef likes fancy things.
ARGGGGH
/
throws urn through window, rips down Dogs Playing Poker limited edition painting
Gonzo was cremated?
FUCK YEA MUTHERFUCKERS!!!! YEA!!!!!
/Whats going on?
It was a joke, I was just kidding around with Spencer. Jesus, Mrejr you going to be okay?
I’m not happy that I missed this one.
/goes back to listening to Warehouse by DMB
//get it, mrejr?
Hef: Sounds like someone didn’t go to college./snorts
Oh, no I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings… smoking a lot of thai stick… breaking into the ROTC… and bowling.
/lebowski’d
+1
Also +1
but in all seriousness, fuck michigan.
You’re being rhetorical when you ask if he’s gonna be ok, right?
As much as I love Spencer’s goofy wop ass (/no homo) I’m gonna have to admit that I had a great fuckin’ time in Michigan back in the day. Of course, we were in Charlevoix and not mixing with the peasants that seem to populate the rest of Michigan, so that may or may not have had something to do with it. So I guess, fuck the rest of Michigan?
/Paris comma’d