Under The Lights

Well, one more week is in the books. We made it.

/high fives all around

I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready for Thanksgiving break already. November is cool and all, what with the football and basketball combining to create one of the best sporting months of the year. But everything else kind of sucks. We drive to work in the dark and drive home from work in the dark. It’s kind of depressing, am I right? Hopefully the boys and I from casa de Jerk have been doing a solid job keeping you sane through all of it.

Let’s see, earlier today Roman’s 2 year old daughter provided us with her NFL locks of the week. To be honest, I don’t really see a difference between her wisdom from today and the bullshit that Roman had been providing us on a weekly basis. Think about it; all he really does is pick who he thinks is going to win a fake football game made up by Vegas. It’s not even a real game. Vegas tries to make it a situation where picking each winner out of a hat would give you a 50/50 chance of making the correct selection. So again, I ask you, what’s the difference between Roman’s picks and his daughter’s? Nothing, really. Not to diminish it or anything, but…yeah I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m diminishing Roman’s existence. Sorry buddy. You could kill yourself and the only person who’d be affected negatively would be that daughter of yours. And even then, I’m sure Hef would be willing to take over your parenting duties and there’s at least a half-dozen of us who’d keep your wife busy. So Roman, if you read this, feel free to give up on life. You gave it a nice run, but it’s over.

/I’d miss your smile though.

Let’s see, what else happened today? Oh right, fan of the site Dane Cook gave us some inspired comedy, Bar made an outstanding appearance, and Rexy gave us a well-informed and entirely unbiased post about an upcoming football game between two Division 1 also-rans. It was a full day of awesomeness if not wonderfully typical of the material you’ve come to expect around here.

Now how ’bout some television:

Magic at Celtics (ESPN Game 1): The 2nd best team in the NBA’s Eastern Conference heads to Boston to take on the 3rd best team in the Eastern Conference. If ever there were a time when an accidental explosion could occur in which an entire building would be destroyed along with everyone in it, now would be that time. A man can dream, can’t he? Think about it, what would be lost? 20,000 racist Bostonians and Kevin Garnett? Even if there were some innocents taken out as well, that’s just collateral damage is far as I’m concerned.

Nuggets at Clippers (ESPN Game 2): Another Nuggets game? I feel like I include them every week. Why does ESPN continue to show this busted team? Between the Celtics in game 1 and the Nuggets in game 2, they’re managing to show us the two least-liked teams in the NBA (according to Happy’s opinion). Nicely done, ESPN.

Michigan and Ohio State in two historic games from the past (ESPN Classic): They’ll be showing games from 2006 and 1999; you know, two seasons when both of these programs weren’t complete embarrassments to college football. SPOILER: the home team wins both games.

South Park (MTV): I wasn’t even aware MTV was airing these. Tonight’s episode is the one where the boys head over to Raisins for dinner. Think “Hooters for grade school kids”. Hilarious.

Crash (Starz): How many of you will be flipping through your guide and see “Crash” is on, and your immediate thought is that it’s the movie of the same title from like 4 years ago instead of the hour-long show? Honestly, I do this like 3 times a week. FYI, this is the show version and not the movie. I’m not recommending it; I just wanted to see if I’m alone here.

That’s about it for this edition of UTL. Thanks for joining us today, my lovelies. Until next time, remember that money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you sex. And let’s face it, sex is way better.