At this point I am writing this in an undisclosed location. My friend, Vito, is looking for me and right now I don’t want to be found. But I know this week I have all the answers. Before we get to the picks that you stranglebait to, here was a letter from a reader. It was sent at 4:15 Sunday afternoon.
Dear Roman,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BWAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahhahahahaha ho..WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
How was the Greek spread at Monkeykong’s?
You fan,
mime
Well then. Eat balls. Here are the picks.
Kansas City (+6.5) over JACKSONVILLE: I don’t know why I made this pick. The fact that the Jaguars are at home in front of 30,000 fans is no advantage. That and we are not going to have 7 1-15 teams. So why not?
Chiefs 13 Jaguars 10
CINCINNATI (+3) over Baltimore: I was more confident in this pic when I had to hand in this sheet yesterday until I read that Chad Ochocinco sent the Ravens Defense a gift basket of deodorant because they will be sweating a lot chasing him. Do what you want with that information.
[picture of Flacco]
Bengals 17 Ravens 13
INDIANAPOLIS (-9) over Houston: I went around and around with this. How the Niners played them tough and the Texans beat the Niners and kept over thinking it. Then I realized, it’s the Colts and Peyton Manning at home. Pick the obvious asshole.
Colts 42 Texans 27
ATLANTA (-10) over Washington: The Racists are fucking horrible. The Falcons are decent and at home. Intern Jace told me that I had to pick the Falcons because he likes the name Matty Ice. Consider it done.
Falcons 27 Racists 6
Green Bay (-10) over TAMPA BAY: Aaron Rodgers could come down with Diphtheria and still throw for 300 yards in this game. The Bucs sodomize Nursery school kids.
Packers 34 Bucs 10
Arizona (+3) over CHICAGO: Please don’t ask me my logic in picking the Cardinals in Chicago in November. The Cardinals are all over the place this season but I just see the Cardinal defense fucking with Cutler and the Bears “receivers”.
Cardinals 27 Bears 20
Miami (+10.5) over NEW ENGLAND: I do not think the Dolphins win this game but with their running game they have the ability to slow down a high octane team. Plus, the Pats are overrated.
Patriots 24 Dolphins 17
NEW ORLEANS (-14) over Carolina: I first looked at this and said to myself, ” Upset game”. Then I took a newspaper, rolled it up and smacked my own nose and said, “Bad Roman. No.”
Saints 48 Panthers 17
SEATTLE (-10) over Detroit: I went with the fact that Seattle is at home. And they have a great home field advantage. The Lion offense is back together. Take it under advisement.
Seahawks 14 Lions 3
SAN FRANCISCO (-4) over Tennessee: Frank Gore is back. Alex Smith is alive. Patrick Willis is a beast. Vince Young has a shoe.
Niners 24 Titans 13
GIANTS (-4.5) over San Diego: They better fucking win.
Giants 100 Chargers 2
Dallas (+3) over PHILADELPHIA: This game makes me physically ill. I had to pick one so I went with the Cowboys. My logic is simple, everyone is starting think the Eagles are good because they destroyed the Giants. This team lost to Oakland. Dallas is actually a bit “under the radar” as far as Big Douche goes. So the Cowfags will beat Philly, then the Media will anoint them the best team again and then Tony Romo will choke away another division and they will wilt and die.
Cowfags17 Iggles 12
DENVER (+3) over Pittsburgh: Listen, every good party must stop at some point. Maybe the sun finally came up. Maybe your girlfriend puked and needs to go home. Possibly, a couple will have a blow out fight and throw all the skeletons out there in a packed bar where it becomes too uncomfortable to stay. I have no idea what happened to Denver’s party. I don’t even know why I am still using the party analogy. Whatever. Denver at home Monday night is just too much for the Steelers.
Broncos 21 Steelers 19
That mime dude sounds like an asshole.
Your friend mime spells like a retarded mexican.
Sinbad is better
I was hoping you’d pick against the Broncos.
People are seriously underestimating Houston.
@Hef – My boy is 3-1/2, every day he pushes his limits more and more. This shit all started when he started going to school. So basically I’m paying for him to go learn how to be an asshole. At this point I don’t see an 8th birthday in his future.
needs a little carrot top.
should have been spanking him. my mom used a bamboo sick on us.
I fucking hate kids.
of course, i still went to rehab. yep, we are all a screwed. we might as well kill our kids.
I’ve wrestled with that one. I was a pretty violent kid growing up, was expelled from middle school for fighting, and not that I blame it on being spanked, but it does make me cautious about teaching him to use violence to change behavior.
Spank him with headphones. He will then understand that not only his behavior is evil but he will learn to hate headphones.
+1. It’s win/win.
Does Vince Young only have one shoe?
dude, how was your home life growing up? step into my office?
You just gotta set the tone with a couple good beatings. I’ve seriously whooped my son’s ass 3 times and he remembers all 3. It’s too late for Hef ’cause HeJew is 8 and too old but 3 1/2 you can still put the fear a god in him. I was determined to not raise me ’cause I was a total shithead growing up and my son is the bomb. Except for the skinny jeans. That shit makes me wanna stab a fuckin’ kitten.
Well played. I do like to listen to head-phones while i go for a bike ride or a jog. Just hate them when i’m trying to get someones attention at work.
I’m certainly not ruling it out and it will probably come to that soon enough. Something about going to school has made him a little too big for his britches.
@Sparty – home life was alright. Dad left when I was young, mom worked two jobs until she re-married a very nice man. I’m the oldest of 5 (4 boys and a girl). For whatever reason I was angry and aggresive when I was younger and would use physical force to bully people around.
you had plenty of reason for anger. doesn’t justify how you expressed it, but you had reasons for it. it wasn’t the spanking that made you aggressive. and that sir is what is always left out of those anti-spanking studies.
that will be $250.00 please.