Say you’re a young phenom pitcher coming off of your first Cy Young season. Despite your lofty status as the king of your domain, you still like to party, I mean, shit, who doesn’t?
Now say you get busted for having a harmless plant that does nothing other than enhance your mellow. People get angry. Mobs form. Children cry. Blood rains from the heavens. So on. So forth.
Oh wait…you mean that you can smoke said harmless plant that enhances your mellow and STILL win the award that celebrates the absolute masters of their respective craft? You mean that this ILLICIT DRUG, one that pretty much every notable musician, actor, artist, every president since JFK, Carl Sagan, Benjamin Franklin and an estimated 80 million Americans have used DIDN’T ruin his life and send him into a spiral of doom, of which, there’s almost no escape? You mean that his performance was nearly IDENTICAL to his past year’s performance, where he was, coincidentally, also considered the master of of his respective craft?
Oh, I see what you’re saying…you’re saying that this harmless plant that does nothing other than enhance your mellow would dent the earnings of a whole fuckton of policemen, attorneys, prosecutors, judges, prison guards, privatized prison owners and contractors, drug enforcement agencies, paper and cloth manufacturerers, Big Tobacco and all the major alcohol companies and that, and THAT alone, is the only reason it’s still illegal. Despite the fact that it’s harmless, has known medical uses, doesn’t have health problems, isn’t addictive and has extremely limited side effects.
Got ya.
Oh, in case you were wondering…Tim Lincecum won the NL’s Cy Young over St. Louis Cardinals teammates Adam Wainwright and Chris Carpenter. Psshh…maybe they should spend less time practicing and working out and more time playing video games and listening to Phish.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As with any posts regarding this topic, please use the best judgement and keep the obvious author’s name a secret. Sure, he typed this at work, but he loves his work and doesn’t want to lose it over something as stupid as a five paragraph post extolling the virtues of a harmless plant that does nothing other than enhance your mellow.
paolo does not approve of this message.
i approve of everything in it except for this part, because phish sucks.
no shit…god the author, whomever he may be, is a fuckign idiot.
I looked up Lincecum’s PERA (Pot Earned Run Average) and he actually was a better pitcher when high.
/Viva la Mary Jane!
One time, Lincecum caught the ball and touched first base all in one motion, and he thought he scored a touchdown.
Did we already cover the other 1,293,487,582,488 reasons why pot should be legal? Could we do it in 50 days or are we still working on those awesome state recaps that have nothing to do with sports?
Carpenter should have won.
How he was completely left off two ballots… well, I bet those writers were probably high.
I heard a blogger that started Cohnheads.com for his love for Linda Cohn has that covered.
actually, we’ll be killing two birds with one stone.
up next…the altered state of drugachussets!!!
SC…haven’t seen you around in awhile.
i was wrong about iowa…vandenberg is gonna be good. sucks ya’ll had to lose that way, and that osu had to win that way, but…THAT’S WHY WE’RE FUCKIN’ OH-ESS-YOU MOTHERFUCK!!! WHOO!!! BIG TEN BAY-BAY!!!
I could be wrong, but I think this could be a Photoshop frame job of Lincecum. The lighting on his face seems a bit off.
i also found out today that my boss may drug test everyone in the office so he can save 5% on workers comp insurance. i work at a fucking computer all day, do i really need workers comp?
I didn’t realize mrejr headed up the art department around here now. Good to know.
Fuck you! Go Flyers!
/runs away crying
i was really psyched for Vermont.
Dammit Mason lost by 1 to Nova, see you tomorrow younglefty.
I also heard the author was being investigated for embezzlement*. So he’s already got a lot on his plate as far as compliance goes.
/may or may not be true, we were never given an answer
triston…oh, they’re doing it companywide as a conflict of interest thing and to make sure everyone’s on the up and up. i have nothing to worry about.
spencer, isn’t there a violation of privacy in that?
probably, but im used to getting raped by my company.
/which i love working for!
//but i’d appreciate that 4% 401k match yall cut off back
///and my bonus from last year for completing 145% of my work goals
////and a simple cost of living adjustment raise
/////assholes
Oh, it’s fuckin’ on. Battle for mediocrity, here we come.
Both of your teams fucked me today. Hope you two are
happyok with that.oh Triston I could have told you that Mason would cover that absurd spread.
Preach on anonymous blogger.
That Photoshop is epic.
They found weed at Michael Jacksons house…