Last night I decided to celebrate Veteran’s Day by getting really drunk and yelling at people on Twitter while watching the Suns dominate the fucking Hornets the way a man dominates his family. I’m not a veteran myself, but my older brother was in Kosovo in the 90s so I called him up and asked him about Veterans Day.
Hef: So, how’s your Veteran’s Day?
Hef’s Brother: Fine.
Hef: That’s good.
HB: Is there anything else you want to talk about?
Hef: No…is there anything you want to talk about?
HB: No.
Hef: Good.
HB: Good.
Hef: …
HB: …
Hef: …I don’t care what anyone says, I’m not going to call dad’s new wife mom.
HB: Me either. But what does that have to do with Veteran’s Day?
Hef: Fuck you. I hope you die in a war.
There was sports on TV last night and I watched some of them. I’d like to tell you about it after the jump. Please join me.
Suns 1,000,000, Hornets 104: YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH THE PHOENIX SUNS, DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR THE WORDS I’M SAYING? THEY WILL FUCKING RAPE YOU IF YOU LOOK AT THEM CROSS EYED AND THEN WILL BANG YOUR WIFE WHILE YOU’RE AT WORK. FUCK YOU FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT MAYBE DOUBTING THEIR AWESOMENESS.
Cavs 102, Magic 93: The Cavs needed the game last night to stay above .500. This team is not going to win anything this year because Shaq is a cancer and will prevent the team from winning and growing as individuals and as a team. Bron Bron lead all scorers with 36 points despite caring only about himself.
Celtics 105, Jazz 86: The second best team in the NBA dominated a good Western Conference team last night by like a million points. You know what this means, don’t you? The Suns are going to finally win a championship.
Bucks 108, Nuggets 102: The Nuggets are frauds and anyone who says otherwise is a homer hackfraud who hates freedom and America. Carmelo Anthony scored 32 in the selfish loss.
76ers 82, Nets 79: I only mention this game because the Nets are 0-8. Have fun in Brooklyn you fucking hipster assholes.
I spent last evening:
Coughing my lungs out
laying in bed away from my family who feared I had swine flu
Watching all 3 Pacquiao/Cotto 24/7s
Watching The end of the Islander game with 11 Shootout attempts
Reading the Simmons book
Did I mention my family stayed away from me?
/I like being quarantined
What if there’s a fire?
How was the 2nd? Only caught 1 and 3.
Not even if there’s a fire.
The second was OK. Freddie Roach questioned Cotto’s new trainer and thinks Cotto has holes. Jeremy Piven went to the WildCard gym. Cotto had a BBQ at his pimp rented mansion. The 24/7’s are always interesting but with out Floyd they aren’t as interesting/funny.
I lost track, is this the mail order bride or a different one.
But hef, he calls your husband his “other daughter”
Thought this all took place in part 3. Maybe I’m confused. I agree with you in that Floyd makes the show. A lot more engaging than Cotto or Pac.
Resisting urge to kill…
Maybe it did..I watched all three in a row..I might of mixed things up but it felt like the same thing was happening for an hour and a half
That’s racist.
Pimping how good the Suns are this early in the season is like Roman pimping how good the Giants defense was in the pre-season.
HA!
They play the Lakers tonight in LA on the second night of a home-away back-to-back double header. If they win, they’re the best team evar. If they lose it’s because their schedule is ridiculous this early in the season.
go cavs.
Hey Hef, thanks for wishing me a happy veterans day yesterday. Asshole.
Who is this?
It’s the guy with the 9th row center court Suns/Magic tickets that you used to be going with.
/glares
//goddamn hippies