NFL Power Rankings: Week 11

Intern Jace is back fulfilling the obligations of his weekly gig telling us why he ranks certain NFL teams above other NFL teams with better records and stats. Remember, you can’t dare question his credentials because he also has a popular “sports” blog where he talks about which actress he would date if he weren’t 5′3″ and his voice didn’t actually sound the way most athletes think all bloggers sound.

I’m so mad at football that I just want to spit.  So repeat after me: Rookie QB, Rookie Coach, Rookie Fan.  That’s me.  The last one.

1. Indianapolis: Only the 2nd most popular football team in Indiana. Speaking of which, anybody have any tips on who will replace Charlie Weis? Email me.
2. Minnesota: We said before the season even started that this team would be among the best in the NFC North along with the Bears and Packers. So why are we not getting credit for it now?
3. Denver: Chris Simms may not have a spleen but he certainly does have two working ankles. I don’t think the same can be said for Kyle Orton.
4. Philadelphia: RB is the most important position on the field after QB, so this team is in trouble without Brian Westbrook. But did you see that run by Mike Vick on Sunday night? That guy should be their fulltime back until Westbrook returns. Think about it.
5. Cincinnati: Headed to 8-2, got cocky against the Raiders…threatened to murder them, now she dun left me. FML.
6. Dallas: I was so frustrated by the game that I spent the afternoon searching Hollywood Tuna hoping to find another girl for Tony Romo to date. If he lost I was going to match him up with Lady Gaga but he won so he gets Blake Lively.
7. New Orleans: Who is your favorite boyfriend or husband of a Kardashian sister, Reggie Bush or Lamar Odom? Email me and we’ll talk about it.
8. Pittsburgh: Who cares if they lost again to a division rival, getting swept for the first time in years? They’re still the pride of that division. Especially this year. Up is down. War is peace.
9. New England: We asked @sportsguy33 what he thought of Wes Welker gaining 192 yards but not getting any TD’s. His response? No comment. You won’t get that kind of inside access just anywhere.
10. Houston: My auto-draft picked up Matt Schaub to be my backup QB in fantasy. I didn’t know who he was prior to the draft, but I’ll tell you what, I’ve been pleasantly surprised.
11. Giants: A good win on Sunday against ATL, but more importantly, a tipster tells us that Cheryl Cole made an appearance and was hanging out in a luxury suite. If you know who she was there with or you can confirm, please let us know.
12. Ravens: Have you ever noticed that the Harbaugh brothers look like movie stars? If he’d agree, I’d put John on the cover of US Weekly right now and not feel the least bit bad about it.
14. Chargers: You can say a lot of things about the Chargers but you certainly can’t call them informal. I mean they only call their best players by their full names like Philip Rivers and Vincent Jackson. It makes them sound like royalty.
15. Bears: Does Jay Cutler have diabetes or AIDS? Which is the one that makes you lose your Quarterbacking ability in the face of an awful O-line and no receivers worth a damn to throw to?
16. Cardinals: Kurt Warner might be te greatest QB of all time. Plus I like his goatee. I wish I could grow facial hair.
17. Atlanta: We only know Mike Vick as that guy who went to prison for killing dogs. That’s why we were shocked to learn that he and Matt Ryan actually have similar stats through two seasons.
18. Jets: Kerry Rhodes better not show his face on twitter. Dude’s been toasted all season and can’t tackle, either.
19. Niners: I really want to see this team do well for Mike Singletary’s sake. Big fan of that guy because he’s black.
20. Dolphins: I am telling you, Joey Porter is lucky he is an NFL player because if he was one of my commenters I would have banned him already. No one speaks poorly of Tom Brady if I have my way.
21. Panthers: I’d like to see this team pass the ball more. WR is the 2nd most important position on the field after QB, and with a weapon like Steve Smith, you have to spread the field.
22. Jaguars: Have you ever noticed that their best receiver and their best running back both have hyphenated last names? That’s pretty cool. This probably deserves its own one-liner.
23. Bills: Our source tells us that Charlie Weis may be a candidate to become their head coach next year. We like the thought because this would bring a lot of media attention back to Buffalo, and that’s really all that matters.
24. Redskins: Is this my new favorite team in the NFC East? No. No it isn’t. But they’re totally my 2nd favorite.
25. Seahawks: This team finished with 4 rushing yards on Sunday against the Vikings. Is that a product of a poor OL or a lack of commitment to the run? Discuss.
26. Raiders: It’s clear that this team is now committed to Bruce Gradkowski at the QB spot. So what does that mean for former 1st overall pick JeMarcus Russell? Our source tells us that he’s interested in becoming a boxer. Intriguing.
27. Packers: I like that stocking cap that Aaron Rodgers puts on when he takes off his helmet on the sideline. It reminds me of something Colin Farrell would wear.
28. Titans: It’s clear that Jeff Fisher wearing a Peyton Manning jersey to a charity event after they fell to 0-6 has inspired this team. If you think I wasn’t wearing the same thing during my phone interview last week with Norman Chad, you’re sorely mistaken.
29. Lions: Stafford is playing well? Sure, maybe, but if a tree is not in New York, does it fall? Wait; if a tree falls outside of New York…um hold on…It has to be your tree.
30. Rams: My new favorite team besides the Giants, Cowboys, Jets, and Patriots after hearing Carrie Prejean is dating Kyle Boller. We’re big fans.
31. Browns: We don’t think LeBron could ever make it in the NFL, but we love when people talk about it because it’s fun to speculate on things that are retarded.
32. Bucs: What’s with all these expansion teams? I wish we could just go back to the good old days of the Jets, Pats and Panthers. Those were real teams.