Dane Cook is one of our favorite comedians. He was (probably) hilarious in that comedy special where he whirled his arms around for awhile and didn’t tell us the punchlines to his jokes. We spoke to him a few months ago about an idea that would blend two of his greatest passions: Sports and picking games. So today he picks his three NFL locks that he chose without consulting anyone else.
Home team in CAPS.
DETROIT (-3.5) vs. Cleveland: So I went to a Browns game and the whole crowd was like “BOO,” and the team was like, “we suck,” and the refs were all like, “I don’t care,” and the hot dog vendor was all like, “hot dogs!”
NEW ENGLAND (-10.5) vs. New Jersey Jets: Doesn’t it suck when your coach cries?
/does wild full body convulsion
Pittsburgh (-10) vs. KANSAS CITY: There are two kinds of people in this world, people from Pittsburgh and people from Kansas City.
Dane will NOT be performing at a comedy club somewhere at some time in the near future or something because he’s a rich, pompous pile of dogshit. You can also see him on reruns on Comedy Central if you really want to sit through a fucking three hour marathon of Burger King jokes and watch a guy look like he’s having a seizure.
Look at that cool hand signal he came up with! I just flashed that to my co-worker! Sucker, hahahaha.
Ha…He’s on the Internet and I’m in college
/Family Guy’d
I love this guy!!!!!!11!!!11!
/Intern Jace
…And the critic was like, “you’re not funny” and I was like “whaaa.”
That cracked my shit up.
you guys should do nicholas fehn next. that guy is hi-larious.
somebody shit on the coats!!!!
/repeat 50 times, hilarity ensues.
who is the ventriloquist that is on comedy central all the time? get that guy.
at the browns game someone had a sign that said “hey baltimore, can you take this team too?” and apparently Lerner saw it from his press box and made security take the sign from the guy.
my boss went to the monday night game too and someone in front of him had a shirt on that said “mangini is a bitch” and the security guard made him either put his hoodie back on or take the shirt off. they also told him that if they saw the shirt again he’d be escorted out.
Agreed. Spence, that’s my fav line out of this fine series. You distilled every bit of him into that one fantastic Browns/Lions pick.
/at least until I write “Fridays with Dat Phan”.
I don’t know why I complimented Spence or wrote “until I write”. Makes no sense given that the comedians spend much time and thought on this.
/look! a shiny object!
Jeff Dunham? …that guy
sucksis perfect for this series.Sorry, Paris. Roman’s a big fan, thus making Dunham ineligible.
I am insulted you used me for that joke.
/Burns NickP’s secret Santa gift in disgust
Its alright Roman, a lot of people like Jeff Dunham… of course they all have to wear helmets and constantly wipe the drool off of their face, but still…
yeah, roman, it’s totally cool if you like him. my mom thinks he’s “a real hoot”.