Dear Mr. Devaney,
It has come to my attention that the Rams are not a good football team. I know this is not your fault. You have only had the job for a few years and have yet to get a chance to mold them in your image, whatever that may be. I do have to say that I see a major problem that can be handled right now. Your head coach, Steve Spagnuolo is not winning. I looked at your record, 1-7, and I am not impressed. It is obvious that Coach Spagnuolo is not competent enough to be the Head Coach of such a prestigious franchise. I have a suggestion, just fire him right now.
Now I know what you are thinking, this is a bit soon. Really, it is not. Think about it, the rather large sample size of 8 weeks is more than enough time to evaluate a coach. He hasn’t shown many tendencies to translate his great defensive coordinator skills to Head Coach. I understand, this happens to a lot of coaches. You need to wipe this season clean and start from scratch. There are many experienced coaches available and the sooner you turn on the Help Wanted sign the better chance you have to grab one of these prized coaches.
So maybe you are thinking about what will happen to your friend Spags? I know you guys are tight from your Philly days. I happen have a solution to ease your mind. You see, the Giants have had a tough go of it Defensively and well, Bill Sheridan has not quite stepped into those big shoes left by Spags. In fact, I think Coach Sheridan has been touching kids inappropriately. That would be just cause for a firing. I am sure if you let go of Coach Spagnuolo by the end of the week, the Giants can have him back in his old job and ready to prepare through the Giants Bye Week. He obviously knows defense but it would be a very difficult situation to take you Head Coach and demote him to DC. It would just make things uncomfortable.
So Mr. Devaney, I implore you to fire Coach Spagnuolo now. Before it is too late.
Sincerely,
Roman W. Helmet
Managing Editor
MajorLeagueJerk.com
RomanWarHelmet is a football aficionado and long time Giants fan. He deeply cares for the people of St. Louis and only hopes that their sorry franchise can pull itself up out of the doldrums. He also thinks Giants Defensive Coordinator Bill Sheridan is an incompetent asswipe.
Come home Spags, we need you.
Roman is panicking about his beloved Jersey Fluke Fags. I love it.
There is no panic. They are playing like dogshit. I can’t panic about what is already happening. I can only hope this is a bump in the road and not an epic collapse like the 2008 Cowboys season.
Spencer’s Open Letters have a lot more “fuck you”s in them.
Spencer is Hemingway. I am merely Updike.
/I said Updike.
says the panicky guy…
heh…updike.
Wikipedia’s Panic page sure seems to indicate that what you’ve written above is full panic mode.
i think i missed the memo that said the rams were a prestigious franchise.
Touche, salesman
my name is Sparty, and I support this message.
Well done, Rex. Well done, indeed.