Fuck yeah, you read that right, peoples. The author of this post really is Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker, although “authoring” might be a bit of a stretch considering I’m about to drop a bunch of copy ‘n paste on your collective asses. Shit, I might even make a list out of it.
If memory serves, this UTL thing is supposed to be a wrap-up of the day’s sporting events and how awesome Hef and the boys are.
Fact: There are no better writers at MLJ than these guys.
Let’s see…in sports, some dude from the Yankees was accused of spitting on his balls, or as Hef calls it, “Fond memories of days gone by.”. The only sports score I could even dig up from today’s action is the Cricket score from what I can only assume is an adult rec league:
Premier Limited Over Tournament Tier B, Police Sports Club v Sri Lanka Air Force Sports Club at Colombo (Police)…in German – The all-everything KPWM, Priyadarshana had a hell of a match, going an apparent 3/5, with 23 RBI while avoiding a rather sticky wicket with his walk-off bat-swinging thingy at the end of the 37th hour of play.
LIST!!!!
Top Ten(ish) Tweets from Kenny Fucking Powers’ Twitter Feed
In no particular order…
- “What are the three most important things in life?” -Penis in a vagina. -Base’fucking’ball. -Shit ton of cash.
- I had a painting done of me & my 2nd wife doing anal on my baby grand. Sure, it looked like doggy style but you’ll have to trust me.
- I wasn’t allowed to be in fantasy baseball leagues because no computer could be built to handle my level of fucking skill. (/Hef’d)
- Any of you pricks ever seen this movie? One of my favorite fucking comedies ever and his mom is a MILF.
- I’ve had many young ladies like yourself ask what my fucking essence tastes like… In two words: JESUS’ PISS
- You ever fucking blacked out on an Inuit prostitute in the bathroom of an all-you-can-eat seafood joint in Scottsdale, AZ? Yeah, me neither.
- “Kenny,what charity work have you done?” A Make-A-Wish Kid wished me to get a $18M signing bonus with NY. Best $750K I ever fucking spent.
- You can get away with fucking in a handicap stall as long as one of you comes out walking all like a retard and shit.
- Oh, I brought the dizzle!
- “Kenny, how can I set the mood for my girl and I?” Easy as shit. Follow this math: KY + K-CI + JOJO = SEX (ANY HOLE) (Clown’d?)
- Sweet Jesus, Sally Fields in “Not Without My Daughter.” My jeans just fucking broke their shit.
- Some Powers wisdom to fuck you up: Don’t fucking look like your pregnant if you don’t want to be asked when the baby’s due.
- At the height of my career I was jerking into $100 bills and had Asian chicks eating caviar off my sack. Aspire to this, kids.
- I destroyed more pussy than cervical cancer.
- No, it’s not true that 4 fucking kids died from the Kenny Powers limited edition tobacco flavored Big League Chew.
- A fan asks if I liked the movie “A League Of Their Own.” Cunts playing baseball? About as realistic as this Star Trek shit.
- April’s tits are like when when you take a shit and barely have to wipe. To put it simply…it just feels right.
See y’all in another year.
Fin.
WOW. Under the Lights, A RexKramerDangerSeeker joint
Forgot one:
“Working on my new audiobook, tentatively titled “Stop Sucking Dick & Start Getting Your Dick Sucked.”
His previous audio book.
i wish i still had hbo for eastbound. everything else is just a bonus.
I’d like to dine on her bosom.
If I spring for those back-alley implants behind La Pharmacia de Peñasco, you can totally dine on my bosom.
/no homo
Hef, can you please make sure Rex and I don’t bunk together?
I already sold you to him for a carton of smokes.
that is fucking great.
To get that screencap, I watched the Curb clip again of Larry trying to make out with Wendy Wheelchair. Goddamn it gets funnier. The site of them in bed is priceless.
/you did your dizzle on her, right?
Well, at least his cooking will be better than my wife’s.
/sigh