The Pussification of America: Halloween

In order to preserve our creative juices for the work week when you need our brilliance the most we have decided to re-run some of our favoritest posts from years past. Today we have a rather topical piece. This was written by Roman last year on this very day. What are the odds?

See her. That is my sweet baby girl all ready for Halloween and frankly with nowhere to go. Why? Well, beside the fact that she is 9 months old and is barely eating Cheerios, it is because we have pussified the sacred holiday of Halloween. Or All Hallows Eve for the religious. Over the years the media, overzealous educators and all sorts of stupid pussies who don’t like hurt feelings or anything fun or out of the normal have convinced the rest of us that sending our kids out into the evening to knock on neighbors doors and ask for candy is wrong. That putting them in costumes that might be scary or funny or clever is just wrong and will mess with their heads and make them bad people. That allowing them to get themselves into some sort of harmless mischief is the worst thing imaginable. Halloween is one of the great American institutions being ruined by the PC police. It doesn’t have to be but we seem to allow it. Why? Because most of us would rather give in than fight for our right to do what we want. Because they use tactics to make us feel guilty and wrong for allowing our kids to be kids. And because we don’t have the time to put up the good fight and it is easier to roll with the punches.

First off, let me address the media. For years and years and years, there were very limited ways to get our news. The newspapers were printed two to three times a day as news was fit to print. On radio, they would have the news, mostly for an hour and then they went to whatever entertainment was on after. At that point there was not many radio stations. As radio grew, it allowed for creativity and the creative embraced Halloween. One of the biggest creative endeavors dealt with Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” broadcast that some people thought was real. After some panic and complaints, Welles became a legend. Why? Because no one was hurt and it was creative. Then television was came along. Television initially had limited channels and it was tame and controlled. Once again News was on in the morning, at noon and in the evening. Either for 15, 30 or 60 minutes. The most important news was presented and that was it. The programming was sort of bland but it was not dismissive either.

As TV grew, radio’s place as entertainment took a backseat. As Radio tried to find itself, it found that talk shows provided a forum that attracted listeners for long periods of time. Two sorts of talk shows seem to work. One is a comedy format, depending on your humor it can be tame to ribald. The other type is provocative. Whether it be political or sports, it was meant to rile up people and make them display some sort of feeling. The best way to rile up feelings is to make them angry. And an easy way to anger them is by attacking things people might feel uneasy about. Meanwhile, TV grew and added cable, which brought more channels and ratings became all important. You need the ratings to get the ad dollars. All of a sudden networks were looking at their newscasts and determining they need to get good ratings to make money. Out went some real news, and in came some fluff news. One way to keep people coming back was to fill them with fear. They would tease their news with shit like, “What’s in your kids Halloween candy that can kill them? Find out at 11″ Well, if it was so fucking important why not tell you now? The news they report is meant to rile up the senses. Kids are an easy soft spot. No one wants to see their kids hurt. Now, the news is no longer the news. It is entertainment and in essence we have let entertainment override our emotions and in turn kill a happy and fun thing like Halloween.

On the other end of the pussification of Halloween is overzealous educators. In part, because they like order and control in their environment and also because they have come to fear the parents of the children they educate. Because of that they have begun to shun Halloween in the schools. They say the kids costumes distract other kids. Well, if everyone is wearing a costume how are they distracted? It is also for one day a year. I get wanting to teach my kid, but what they don’t want to teach them is the fun of certain things like Halloween. Why can’t you use fun to educate the children on a custom of our society? They take the creativity out of it. When I was a kid we would make ghosts or pumpkins out of construction paper. We would dress in our costumes for school and have little parties in the classroom. We would go to the auditorium and do a trick or treat thing where they would have little activities set up. It was fun. Those are the memories I have of school. They are taking those memories away from our kids. They don’t want to upset parents whose kids feel left out or don’t like Halloween or don’t like this sort of fun. So because of the one or two, the majority gets screwed. The Majority never fights back because we hate confrontation and don’t want to usurp the authority of the school. They fear giving kids candy for various reasons, from allergies to overall health. I am actually fine with that. I will choose to let my kid get candy, but it wouldn’t bother me if you did something with healthy food. But no, the teachers are told no parties. It is better to take something away than modify it. Or at least that is what they think.

Which gets me to my last thought, the stupid pussies. I understand concern for the children. As a father, I really get it now. But guess what. Not every kid is supposed to be happy all the time. People’s feelings get hurt from time to time. Kids should not be immune to that. Listen, it would kill me to watch my daughter get hurt emotionally. But part of my job as a parent is to help my kid learn from that scenario and make them stronger and more self assured. It is not to hover over her and protect her from every little thing. We live in a big world. Not everything everybody does will please everybody. It is our mission as a person to do what’s best for us and to tolerate and understand those to do what is best for them. Even if it means getting hurt. As for the other fun parts of Halloween the pussies hate, if you don’t want kids to come to your house for candy then just shut off the lights and don’t answer it that day. It’s your right to be a fuddy duddy, it’s our right to have the kids do it on the designated day. And what is wrong with a little shaving cream and eggs? Seriously, is it a pain in the balls to clean? Yeah. But remember the fun you had growing up and having shaving cream fights and the such. I do. Let our kids have the same fun. All we do now is preach safety against all the alleged problems of the past. Is it really that bad now? The pussies have allowed themselves to get scared by the media. The old wives tales of razors in apples are really a trumped up myths based on a few isolated incidents involving family members of the kids hurt. When you grew up, how many of your friends died on Halloween? Exactly. We have allowed our kids to be screwed out of the fun we had. It is because we have been filled with lies and fear. And even those who know that we have are too lazy to do something about it. Fuck and that. Let you kids have fun, let Halloween be a kids holiday again.

Happy Halloween From the WarHelmet Family