I too will be going to today’s Bengals/Browns suck fest. Normally, I’d enjoy going to an NFL game, but today, I’m a little apprehensive for a few reasons. First, I’m going with some Bengals fans that I’m friends with and two, the Browns are a combination of unholy suck and shit-tastic shit the likes of which the NFL hasn’t seen since the halcyon days of the 2008 Detroit Lions.
But I digress…this isn’t about me, this is about why I hate the fucking Bengals. Do I hate the Bengals as much as I hate the Steelers or Ravens? Abso-fucking-lutely not. There’s no quantifiable way I can describe my hatred for those two shitfucks, and anyways, I don’t want to even start going down that path because once the levy breaks, I just can’t stop…so without further adieu, the reasons the Bengals are an abortion.
Their Uniforms:
They are the worst uniforms in the history of professional sports, bar none, and there really isn’t a close 2nd. Sure, last week the Seahawks looked like shit, but the Bengals look worse than that every single week, every single time they put on those fucking candy corn looking pieces of shit.
Their Fans:
Pardon me, Nick, but I have a beef with your “fanbase.” Like I said above, I’m going with some Bengals fans that are friends of mine, which is the problem. NOW they’re Bengals fans, but when they’re 4-12? When they’re 5-11? Where are they then? They’re gone. Real fans stick through hard times and don’t just choose to ignore a problem…they fight through it as when something good happens it’s that much more rewarding.
So what I’m saying is Bengals fans are a bunch of fah go’s.
Their Owner:
Mike Brown is not Paul Brown’s son…it’s impossible.
Paul Brown was a genius, Mike Brown is a bumbling cheapskate. He has made a mockery out of his surname, absolutely shat all over the notion that the Brown clan is football royalty, instead relegating his family to nothing more than Bidwell-level garbage at the bottom of the NFL food chain.
Don’t argue with me on this one…I’m in the exact same spot with Randy Lerner. Fuck Ohio NFL owners.
Their Team:
Ocho is cool, I got nothing against him, but Carson Palmer? Is there a more arrogant piece of shit in the entire world who hasn’t done squadoosh in his time in the NFL? No…no there is not. Well, there probably is, but fuck them…Palmer is worse. He’s not that good, but at the same time, he’s making NINE FIGURES. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!
Their defense sucks, their offense sucks, their coaching sucks, their team plays a pussified brand of football and they look like fucking candy corn. How the hell is it possible to like this team?
Their History:
I don’t like it for a variety of reasons.
One, Paul Brown should never have been fired from the Browns. Ever. Fuck you Art Modell. Fuck you in the ass with a knife.
Two, they decided to go to fucking Cincinnati…why does Kentucky need a football team?
Three, they’re gay.
Final Thought:
Am I a bad person for hating a group of retards? Probably. But fuck the Bengals. They shouldn’t exist.
Prediction for the game today…Bengals 0, Browns 10,000.
Wow…on a Sunday…probably written on weed..on his way to a Browns game…this is just fantastic…I can’t even take a decent dump on a Sunday morning.
/gof jorb Penser
Christ two posts about a dog shit game? Go Bengals, I got them in some big pool I’m in (currently tied for first!). Who everyone take in the survivor pools this week? I went the safe route with Indy.
While on the subject of shitty football teams: Hef, what the fuck is wrong with ASU? I thought they were supposed to be descent this year. After yesterday it looks like they will struggle to get two pac-10 wins.
Prediction for the game today…Bengals 0, Browns 10,000.
More like Bengals 2, Browns 6
Manningham fucking sucks.
I don’t think it’s possible for the Browns to score 10,000 points in a game…considering the time limit and all.
And can someone explain why Ohio has 2 shitty football teams instead of just one shitty football team? Was the NFL really hard up to capture the AIDS market?
And can someone explain why Ohio has 2 shitty football teams instead of just one shitty football team? Was the NFL really hard up to capture the
AIDSpolio market?/fix’d for realism
So the winner of this game gets bragging rights as the best team in Ohio? Is that like prettiest girl in Columbus?
The Bengals have the 3rd worst unis in the NFL behind the Seahawks and the Ravens.
Big game today Triston, we’ll get a descent idea of how good the Broncos really are.
agreed bbryan. Few of my friends are Cowboy “fans.” Much the same way clown is.
Does that mean he liked them a lot in the 90s and now roots for them so he doesn’t look even more like front runner?
/clown’s a front runner
Exactly right, Hef. Exactly right.
You must be friends with my youngest brother. He used to rock the Cowboys starter jacket back in school.
Hey, didn’t the classic post about the Twins yesterday say that they had the worst uniforms in sports? WHICH ONE IS IT?! WHICH OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN…
/falls into blackhole
In the MLB, bro, not the NFL.
Also, spencer has a LOT of built up hate and anger. He has to spread it around.
does this include the digits after the decimal?
I used to be a browns fan till they moved to Baltimore when I was 8. I am now a Bengals fan. I want to verbally (Writtenly?) attack whoever wrote this but it hurts too much. So fuck you.
The guy who wrote this is a Browns fan. Hasn’t he suffered enough?
Who dey, brother.
Go Bangs.
The Bangles are only one tipped ball away from being rele–zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Fuck the Cincitucky Fucktards…I needs a 5.5 to cover you fucking useless cockbags…now look..you needed 15 minutes of overtime to beat the Browns! (sorry Spencer) 15 minutes to beat a sorry, useless, shitty, disgrace of an NFL franchise (sorry Spencer) Fuck You. Fuck Mike Brown. Fuck Ochocinco, Fuck Carson Palmer, Fuck Jordan Palmer, Fuck Marvin Lewis, Fuck Who Dey, Fuck em all. The Browns are a fucking abortion (sorry Spencer) how dare you ruin my gambling afternoon.
Ocho’s catch was the sickness! How dare you.
I will agree that Jordan Palmer should be fucked and The Browns are a fucking abortion, but yeah, I’ve learned to never bet on the Bengals ever again in life. Looks like you have too.