Roman’s Correct Predictions of the Future: NFL Week 7

I wanted to start this week with an e-mail from a reader:

Dear Roman,

I was wondering if you could lend me money. It seems that I may have used your “correct predictions” in hopes of making money. Instead, I am currently writing you on a library computer where I can’t even read MLJ since it is blocked for “Inappropriate Content” I had to move out of my house and pawn my computer. Seriously, you told me to follow every pick and become rich. I believed you Roman. I believed. Please help.

Your loyal reader,

2 Sad Blvd

Now Saddy, how can you have possibly used my picks when I haven’t made them in two weeks? It must have been the drugs and/or alcohol addiction that is speaking. For the rest of you, I have decided to make a return to picking games since you all missed it so much. So without further ado, here are the picks that make you yell out your safety word.

San Diego (-4.5) over KANSAS CITY: The Chargers are talented underachievers with a terrible coach. The Chiefs electroshock the testicles of young boys in gym class.

Chargers 24 Chiefs 17

Indianapolis (-13) over St.Louis: I mean do I even have to give a reason? The Rams are home and play in a Dome for Christ’s sake! Their one fucking advantage ruined.

Colts 38 Rams 10

Chicago (+1.5) over CINCINNATI: I spent a while thinking about this one. Here is why I am picking the Bears, the Bengals have fucked me every week but the Steelers game.  The Bears have not. Is it weak sauce? Sure. But I am a week away from asking a lady in my office to pick the games by favorite color.

Bears 17 Bengals 14

Green Bay (-7) over CLEVELAND: So let me get this straight, the Browns are in disarray, have traded or lost to injury any meaningful player and now have the Swine flu. The whole fucking team. And I am A) supposed to pick them and B) supposed to pick them only +7. Are you shitting me? Bet your house on this game. Aaron Rodgers will finally get to show his wares.

Packers 45 Browns AIDS

PITTSBURGH (-4) over Minnesota: Two of the great mistake prone quarterback in the league get to show off their gunslinging skills on the slop in Heinz Field.  I like the Steelers receivers and the Vikings banged up defensive backs as the factor in this. Plus, the Vikings have been flirting with a loss the last few weeks. Brett Favre + weather = 3 INT

Steelers 31 Vikings 24

New England (-14.5) over Tampa Bay: The game’s in London!

/doesn’t give a shit

Patriots 50 Buccaneers 0

San Francisco (+3) over HOUSTON: The Niners are coming off a bye and Michael Crabtree is starting. That is what you will hear all day on the Pregame shows. The reason for a Houston loss at home is simple, in a battle of evenly matched teams, take the best player on the field. No offense Mario Williams, but Patrick Willis is playing in the game.

49ers 20 Texans 17

OAKLAND (+6) over Jets: How low can the combined  QB rating be with Mark Suckchez and JaSuckus Russell playing against each other? I loved how my boy Antonio Pierce pissed off the Raiders after their game two weeks ago. It fired them up and made them give a shit against the Eagles and now here come the Jets, who are thisclose to the fan base hanging Rex and throwing the Sanchise off a bridge.

Raiders 13 Jets 10

CAROLINA (-6.5) over Buffalo: Who’s the tallest midget?

Panthers 17 Bills 10

New Orleans (-6.5) over MIAMI: A lot of people are starting to jump on the Miami Upset Bandwagon. They will control the ball! The Wildcat! Chad Henne is the next Dan Marino! Let me throw some cold water on those people. Will Allen. He is the starting cornerback of the Miami Dolphins. You thought C.C. Brown and Kevin Dockery looked out of their league? This could get ugly quickly.

Saints 34 Dolphins 14

Atlanta (+4) over DALLAS: Intern Jace, it’s all yours: OMG! OMG! This game is fer serious? Tony Romo is just unbelievable. Matt Ryan is just dreamy as well. I told Roman I wanted to pick Dallas. Until Matt Ryan dates a pop star, actress or model that I have a picture of, I can’t put him in the league’s elite. Can’t. I wonder if Matty Ice watches Gossip Girl? Hmmmm Matt and Blake. Methinks we may have something.

Intern Jace,  the Falcons are just a better team. Solid opinion, bud.

Falcons 27 Cowboys 24

GIANTS (-7) over Arizona: The nucleus of this Giants team has been together since 2006. Every year, they start off under the radar, get hot and then start to get too much attention. Then they go and lay an epic egg. The 4 pick game against the Vikings in 2007. The Browns shitshow on Monday Night last year. This year it is the Massacre at the Superdome. In every case, they then get slaughtered for being frauds. In every case they bounce back. I see this week being no different. It is almost like these Giants need the Humble Pie experience and in come the perfect opponent, Kurt Warner and a high flying team. They will get compared to the Saints offense. They have clicked but they have a shit offensive line and no running game. That means the Giants will put a whupping on Kurt in cool weather on Sunday night. The Cards D sucks so I expect a lopsided affair.

This game looks better on paper then it will be in actuality.

Giiants 31 Cardinals 17

Philadelphia (-7) over WASHINGTON: The Iggles lost to the Raiders. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. They fucking suck. wOOt! Unfortunately, the Redskins also proved their sucktitude by losing to the Chiefs. The head coach is just a figure head. Sherm Lewis is calling the plays and he hasn’t called an offense in 4 years. Chris Samuels chippy cheating ass is done for the season and the still have Jason Campbell. As much as I hate the Iggles, there is no way they lose those this.

I swear if they don’t cover the spread I am going to drive down there and give Andy Reid’s’ kids a fresh batch of Heroin.

Iggles 26 Racists 3