Roman’s Correct Predictions of the Future: NFL Week 8

The magic was back last week! Once again I proved my value as a prognosticator and won more than I lost. It feels good to be back in your good graces. You see I have shaken the fleas off the dog. I was looking for true believers. Just like Buddhism*, I ask you give away all your worldly possessions so you can find true enlightenment. Consider the past few weeks the loss of your possessions. Now it’s enlightenment time. So with that in mind, here are the pick you take Cleveland Steamers to.

Denver (+3.5) over BALTIMORE: I believe. I didn’t. I gave you an analogy about some epic party with a Viennese hour and a sick DJ and stuff. The party is still rolling. They are following the McRib around in a Volkswagen Minibus. I love Baltimore but surprisingly, their defense concerns me here. The offense will have all sorts of issues with Denver’s D. Especially…

Broncos 21 Ravens 17

CHICAGO (-13.5) over Cleveland: Jay Cutler will tear apart the Browns defense. Then everyone will talk about how great Cutler is. Then next game he will toss 3 picks and everyone will realize he is a million dollar talent with a 10 cent head.

Bears 35 Browns 3

Houston (-3.5) over BUFFALO: I had a tough time picking this game. I like Buffalo at home. I Like the Bills pass defense but it’s Steve Slaton who should get a ton of carries and yards and the Bills pop gun offense will not be enough. Plus, I am tired of the Texans fucking me. Just cover assholes.

Texans 17 Bills 13

Minnesota (+3) over GREEN BAY: Old Interception Face returns home. Really, I don’t care. FOX thinks I do. They moved Giants/Eagles so we could all watch it. Here is what you are really getting. Pissed off Packer fans. A pissed off Viking team coming off a tough loss. A Swiss cheese Packer Offensive line against the Williams boys and Jared Fucking Allen. A banged up and miscast Packer defense against Mr. Mistake who is in Fuck You mode. This game will be a disappointment.

Vikings 33 Packers 17

INDIANAPOLIS (-12) over San Francisco:

Dear 49ers,

I believed. I really did. I went two weeks too long picking you. I think you are doing the right thing trying to build a Alex Smith/Michael Crabtree chemistry. It’s the last shot at seeing if Smith is something, plus it’s Year 3 so you know what that means for a QB. I love Patrick Willis more than I love Quik Chocolate Milk. You are going in the right direction with the right coach. Too bad you are going against Peyton Manning at his home while he is playing the BEST FOOTBALL HE HAS EVER PLAYED. Sorry.

Roman

Colts 35 Niners 10

JETS (-3.5) over Miami: I swear to that big imaginary Jesus Bunny in the sky that if the Jets lose this game I am going to stab random assholes who still wear the Jets Favre jersey they bought like mindless sheep since I can’t handle their fucking wishy wash inconsistent money losing football.

Jets 17 Dolphins 10

DETROIT (-4) over St. Louis: This may be the worst game ever played. Well, since the Browns 6-3 victory over the Bills or any game played by the AFC West.

Lions 6 Rams 0

DALLAS (-9.5) over Seattle: I am listening to Intern Jace.

Cowfags 27 Seahawks 7

Oakland (+17) over SAN DIEGO: After last week’s ass beating by the Jets you would think I wouldn’t pick the Raiders. After last week’s ass beating of the Chiefs you would think I would pick the Chargers. I can’t. Why? Norv Turner. This team is an enigma. They are supposed to win easy. They won’t.

Chargers 21 Raiders 17

Jacksonville (+3) over TENNESSEE: Vince Young is starting. Hopefully in his new shoe. It won’t go well.

Jaguars 17 Titans 10

ARIZONA (-9) over Carolina: The Cardinals better win or last week was worse than I thought.

Cardinals 27 Panthers 13

Giants (+1.5) over PHILADELPHIA: Brian Westbrook is not playing. The Giants are coming off of two tough and hurtful losses. Eli loves playing in Philly. If we could only move Eli’s home games there and then we may have something. Fucking can’t throw in the wind, check off the run, underthrowing, overthrowing motherfucker. Just win for fuck’s sake. Go Giants!

Giants 48 Fags 3

NEW ORLEANS (-10) over Atlanta: This game could be tough but I am slowly learning that Atlanta is a bit overrated. In fact, they are very overrated.

Saints 45 Falcons 10

*It may be Buddhism. Who the fuck knows and really who the fuck cares? You get my point. A bunch of frauds shake you down for your money and then make pretend to give you true happiness. Wait. I am not a fraud. I am for real. Unlike God and religion. Thank you.