Longtime friend and supporter of the blog (as well as founder of the greatest Surfing blog evar!), The Nug, has decided to take it upon himself to write up a bunch of nonsense about how Notre Dame is going to beat USC this weekend. Since I’m not one to discourage guest posts–plus I figure you assholes will crap all over him on your own–I’ve decided to run the post without edit or comment. Except this one: The Nug is crazy.
This Saturday will be the greatest college football game in history…or at least the greatest of this first half of the season.
I’ve been to every USC/Notre Dame game since the now infamous “Bush Push” game in 2005. It’s been a long 5 years. Last year at the South Central Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, I hit rock bottom. At the beginning of the fourth quarter the Notre Dame offense finally got a first down. I took another pull off the bottle of Crown Royal I smuggled into the stadium while the USC faithful gave the ND offense a mocking standing ovation. I cried. I should have quit right then and there. But I am not Sarah Palin.
This year I won’t need as much liquor to get me through the game.
Let’s take a look at the teams…
Quarterback
Jimmy Clausen leads the nation in passing efficiency despite having turf toe that has plagued him for the past three games. He has 12 TDs, just two picks and averages nearly 350 yards a game. Matt Barkley hands the ball to Joe McKnight with pinpoint accuracy and can hit an open tight end over the middle every now and then. He also excels at the screen pass, as long as it’s less than 5-yard throw. His calves
are bigger that Jimmy Clausen’s head.
Huge Edge-Irish
RB
Armando Allen is quietly having a solid season and Joe McKnight has an impressive YPC average, but he usually drops the ball at least twice a game. If the ball were a bong the Coliseum turf would look dirtier
than my carpet in college.
Slight Edge-USC
WR
Not even close. Despite missing the best receiver in the nation the Irish still have an All-American in one Golden Tate. He is Samarj-esque after the catch (with track speed) and runs more like a
running back than a receiver. He’s also the center fielder for the Irish baseball team. The USC receivers all had great high school careers. #18 is deadly when Barkley gets him the ball but he only has
1 TD through 5 games. Six-foot seven inch TE Kyle Rudolph is a corn-fed beast with hands like Lester Hayes. He’s also a leading candidate for the Mackey. He’ll be on my Fantasy Football team in two years.
Huge Edge-Irish
O Line
The Irish look like a different team this year mainly because the line has improved dramatically. Protecting Clausen will be the key. They still have a ways to go. The run blocking has also been consistent.
Look for Weis to open things up with screen and a little bit of the Wildcat (I refuse to call it the “Leprocat”) The USC line is big and fast and shouldn’t have much trouble with the Irish front four…their glaring weakness.
Edge-USC
Defense
True Freshman Manti Te’o is a stud. The Flyin’ Hawaiian is now in the starting lineup and had 10 tackles last week. Safety Kyle McCarthy is Irish and hits like a drunken Irishman. The secondary is better than
most years. The problem is there are a lot of holes and they love to blitz, but get burned often. The USC defense has reloaded after “graduating” like 17 LBs into the NFL. Galippo was talking shit about Weis this week. Said Weis ignored him on a recruiting trip he took with Clausen. Fuck him and their D. I hope they all pull ACLs and Taylor Mays is gagged, tied up and raped by the Fat Girl sorority on campus.
Huge Edge-USC
Special Teams
The Irish finally have a fucking kicker. Imagine that. The freshman has been money this year. I would look up his stats but I just got this strain from the medical weed co-op called Trainwreck. Having as
kicking game is a foreign concept for the Irish. In past years they would go for it on 4th and 10 from the other teams 25. Now they go for three. It has won them no less than two games because of it. Look for freshman speedster Theo Riddick to return a kickoff for a TD. I’m sure the USC special teams are awesome. I don’t give a shit.
Prediction
ND 31-USC 30
Best post EVAR! Notre Dame 29, USC 28
Coaching
Pete Carrol owns the Irish. Cheeseburger Charlie is a barely functioning retard.
Huge Edge-USC
/facts are facts
I fucking love CBH. I called upon the The Ghost of Spencer for inspiration and tone.
In journalistic haste I made an editorial decision to leave coaching out of it. It’s called the Bob Davie Philosophy…where actual coaching is overrated.
did you lose some weight? going to the game dehydrated on an empty stomach?
Boom…Roasted.
I love the Heisman gravatar Mizerle. The Trophy will look good in Clausen’s liquor cabinet.
i’m confused, who is the nug a fan of? oh wait, huge edge irish. got it.
SC wins by at least 2 touchdowns.
nug – it’s wearing jorts. clausen’s would have a speedo on.
I’m just happy there is a Notre Dame University advertisement on this post now. That is hilarious. ND advertising on MLJ is like Cocaine advertising at Church.
by the way, anybody know why TheBigLeed hasn’t been updated since August?
If ND has a “Huge” edge at WR than USC has a “Charlie Weis” size edge at OL.
/doesn’t give a shit
//’UGE edge Triston27
I long for the days of tied football games.
/not “tide”, as in “Alabama Crimson”
//therefore not stigs’d
What are you asking us for?
/mock outrage!
I have a massive amount of Trainwreck left. So what ever happens I’m good.
how does ND have a HUGE edge in WR’s, but USC only has a regular sized edge on the OL even though they have the best OL in the country?
riddle me that.
!
I’ve been pissy lately about TBL’s lack of knowledge about anything sports-related so I wanted to go have a laugh at his expense. then, I see it’s been discontinued so I figured you guys may have heard something through the grapevine.
Go Falcon Go
I had noticed that you were annoyed with him Miz, was wondering why!!!!
I have no knowledge about that Twitter account nor would I be able to divulge any information if I did have it.
I don’t know why I did 10 million exclamation marks there.
cbh did way too much blow at lunch.
if I emailed you, would you still have no knowledge about that Twitter account nor would you be able to divulge any information if you did have it?
Are you a politician?
My lawyer told me he would take that under advisement and respond in course.
/charlie’d
I only saw 4. I would have been way more offended if you’d used 10 million.
Troof.
hef…trade shirts with me.
What are you gonna tell her?
That I traded shirts with some dude in the bathroom!
Unfortunately, there is no Underground Railroad of making fun of J-Mac. It is more like a Terrorist organization; loosely based cells who learn how to attack by reading what others did on the internet.
/Hef’s jealous he didn’t think of the Twitter account first
/Drinking boxed wine out of a soda can
I’d be interested in hearing more about this Trainwreck stuff.
lets just say it’s aptly named.
So let’s say you were going to visit some people somewhere, would you want someone to try and get some for your visit?
Second that. Almost too heavy, I prefer a ‘trinity’ high. Something that allows me to move and talk after smoking.
What is it about facts that makes you pissy?
Living so close to Mexico, I always smoked dirt weed and never got the name brand. I was a quantity not quality guy. Or retard. Whatever.
Whatever is right, you smoke what you can get. I was geographically blessed in this category growing up in the northwest. Now if you choose to smoke the crap over the chron just because it’s a few bucks cheaper, then yes, you are a retard.
We rarely smoke anymore. Kids and shit. But she has a friend that comes from Arcata to visit that makes sure we get a little somethin’ nice.
I always thought I would quit when I had a kid, didn’t happen. My drinking went way down, but still puff most nights after he goes to bed. Maybe some day i’ll grow up.