Dear frenemy,
I realize you are in a quandary. The two things you hate in all of baseball are
clashing this week in the World Series. This match up will be one for the ages. And it makes perfect sense for you to root for the Phillies. Let me explain, kind sir…
Now, I realize you are in full football mode and have not really paid attention since the Mets were eliminated from contention around the time the Giants hit training camp. But this is your chance to piss on your fellow New Yorkers who are Yankee fans. From what I understand, the only thing Mets fans love as much as a win is a Yankees loss. You don’t need to walk around town seeing pennants and banners celebrating their 27th World Series victory. Aren’t they obnoxious enough? Plus, I can totally see you going postal and wiping out half of your office with a bazooka the first time one of your employees comes dancing into the office talking about how great Mariano and Jeter are. And how hypocritical they will be when they are sucking A-Rod’s dick talking about how ‘clutch’ he suddenly became and how he is a ‘true’ Yankee. It will be all over the news for this fall and winter, taking valuable Giants coverage off the TV.
When the Phillies win, you get to avoid all of that garbage. Plus, you won’t have to hear about it til Spring Training rolls around. And even then, the coverage will only get intolerable 18 times next year when the Mets and the Phillies square off.
In conclusion, the best case scenario for you to avoid mass coverage of celebrating and assholery is for the Phillies to win a second World Series in as many years. Plus, you get to avoid lethal injection and see the Giants win the Super Bowl. And we could use your support.
Your Internet Friend,
Gonzo
I can’t explain to you the arrogance of this Open Letter. I would never in a million fucking years choose someone to root for. Why? Why do I HAVE to pick anyone? I don’t. I would never root for the City of Philadelphia to receive a scintilla of happiness nor would I want a Yankee fan to have any more of a reason to be an obnoxious arrogant douche. If your team wins, good for you. If the Yankees win, good for clown but this idea that a Met fan has to pick anyone, ANYONE, to win this thing are the thoughts of arrogant ridiculous fans who think their team “needs” another team’s fan to root for it.
May Cliff Lee’s arm fall off.
May CC Sabathia choke on his pregame side of beef.
Fuck the Phillies.
Fuck the Yankees.
and fuck you.
God Bless America!
/Go Giants
Gonzo I love that picture. For the record Who is killa cam?
go yanks.
Sooooooo…. Phillies?
That’s what I’m thinking. Can’t deal with the Yankee fans who don’t like baseball running their mouths.
fuck yankee fans…root for tex and arod.
Let’s go Phillies!
it’s no coincidence that two of the best pitchers in this series come from and/or went to Arkansas for school.
/science.
kirk camerons rapping alter ego?
But, but – I just ordered you a Joba jersey from jersey101.net!
Mariano Rivera and CC Sabathia are from Arkansas?
who other than clifford?
and the only non-coincidence here is that they both came from cleveland…farm city for all successful professional sports franchises.
fuck you…clifford phifer lee is a fucking saint.
Let’s go meteor!
Clap clap clapclap clap
/seriously thigh, fuck the Yankees
Cliff Lee anally rapes premature children
I can root for Tex, he’s a Jacket. Fuck Jeter though.
hef…what’s a thigh fuck?
aj burnett is from north little rock.
like a high hard one, but by someone with eyes like stuart scott.
For realz? You been to the Travlers new diggs?
At least 4 of these comments made me LOL. May I say, epic thread?
/TBL commenter’d
But for serious, epic thread.
seen it, but haven’t been. looks pretty nice, which, compared to ray winder, a pile of dog shit would look good.
I’m actually with Roman here, insomuch as I’d never fucking root for the Mets, even against the Yanks. I’d hope for the stadium to blow up with both teams in it.
And come on Gonzo, we don’t need anyone else’s fans. Bandwagoners are the devil, and we have plenty of asshole fans to go around.
Phils in 5, bitches.
Roman. How COULD YOU?!?!?!
/runs away crying
Tampa, I don’t know where that pic comes from. I googled the word Frenemies.
Let down. I thought you were down.
So let me see if I’m understanding this correctly, you want someone who roots for the chokiest of fluky frauds on your teams side?