Quality Start: All New York Sporting Events are at 1PM Thanks to Hef’s People

Good Morning friends of amazing. I am feeling rather Shakespearian this morrow. It is my morning to “sleep in”. My wife makes sure this is as wonderful as possible by leaving the bedroom door open a crack so I can hear her and the baby playing with Elmo. Then after surprising them by “getting up early to be with them”, I am sent to the store for Milk and Yo Baby. Now I am writing this and answering questions about tiny screws for the back of a folding chair. Just like Shakespeare used to. Now that I get you into my current mood, I can write about something near and dear to my heart: Football. Or rather NFL Football. Today at 1, the Jews have made it possible for me to watch the New York Football Giants and Jets to play at the same time but not against each other.

Originally, The Jets were to play a home game at 4 and the Giants were away at 1. Then two radio hosts, Craig Carton and former NFL QB Boomer Esiason of WFAN,  started yelling that it isn’t fair for the Jewish patrons of the Jets to have a 4 PM home game on Yom Kippur. They would have to get home before sundown. So the NFL asked for the Jets and Giants to switch times but Tampa Bay had a problem with that since a bunch of Old New Yorkers live down there, they would be going to the game and some are Jewish. So the NFL did right by a small percentage of the Jets patrons by moving the game to 1. Truthfully, I have no problem with this since all NFL games should be played Sunday at 1 and since watching a Jet game makes me want to stab my eyes out with a rusty fork. I usually nap during a Jets game between the Giants game and the Sunday night game.

In New York, we don’t get to watch other games unless the Jets or Giants are off or are playing at night or Monday. 98% of my football watching life has been spent watching the Giants and Jets. It blows. I would get Direct TV but the wife keeps mentioning that I have Giant Season Tickets and I am not home 8 of the Sundays to give a shit. It’s not worth the $200+ bucks. To her. There are things in your marriage you challenge. This, single friends, is not one of them. I just dropped a few grand on Giants PSLs and have season tickets. I have a Mets partial plan. I go and hang out and drink and come home half in the bag. Those days render me useless to parent or husband. So instead of going up that hill and fighting that battle, it is better to leave the soldiers healthy and happy to fight another day.

That leaves me with today. My buddies, who go to the Giants games with me, rotate the Sundays of the away games. This Sunday, I travel to White Plains NY to Monkeykong’s place. Monkeykong has a nice Co-Op (or apartment you own for non-city folk) that his girlfriend is determined to stuff to the gills to watch the Giants game. But Monkeykong also has the ace up his sleeve of two 37″ flatscreens mounted on the wall next to each other. One is his TV watching TV. The other is his video game TV.  The Video Game TV will become the home of the Jets game. Or the second TV we put the Giants game on. I guess we will make that call when a call needs to be made. (pssst Monkeykong, second Giants game kthxbai).

Now that you all know my whereabouts, here is what happened yesterday/last night:

Vitali Kiltschko beat Chris Arreola by TKO: Vitali beat the living snot out of the “best American Heavyweight prospect”. Arreola worked overtime with a personal trainer and still looked like a fat piece of crap. The Kiltschko’s are machines. Legitimately great talents. Unfortunately, the rest of the Heavyweight division is a festering pile of crap. And they won’t fight each other so that renders the Heavyweight division useless at this point. Arreola cried after his trainer stopped the fight in the 10th, and called Klitschko a “tough motherfucker”.

In College Football, the newest members of Fraud City should be Cal, Florida St, Penn St, Ole Miss and the U. Florida had a tight end playing quarterback and he got a concussion. For all the scores go here.

In Baseball, The Tigers and Twins both won keeping the Twins 2 games back. They play a four game set starting Monday that should decide the AL Central.

The Dodgers clinched a playoff berth by beating the Rockies. The Braves won, and with the Rockies loss they stand 2.5 games back in the surprisingly close NL Wildcard race.

For all scores and actual happenings of the games, hit the Gonzo Memorial Scoreboard over ————–>

In Golf, Kenny Perry leads the TOUR Championship by 2 strokes over Tiger but Tiger would have to fall off the face of the earth to win the Tiger Woods FedEx Cup.