MLJ Exclusive: A Case Study In Fraud Detection, Volume 1

This is the first entry in a series of MLJ Exclusives, whereby the writers of MLJ do the dirty work that other blogs refuse to do.

1. Michael Jordan: Considering Jordan was just recently inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, this seems particularly apropos. At this point, we’re sure everyone is familiar with MJ’s claim as the greatest to ever play the game of basketball. He was a six-time NBA champion, five-time NBA MVP, ten-time scoring champion, and even one-time defensive player of the year. But consider this: In Jordan’s prime beginning in the 1988-89 season and finishing up with his last season with the Bulls in 1997-98, the Eastern Conference won eight out of ten NBA Championships. That’s an impressive decade of dominance by the clearly superior conference. Scary Fact #1: Not a single championship won by Michael Jordan came against an Eastern Conference opponent.

If you can’t beat the greatest conference — not even once (!) — can someone explain to us how you can possibly be considered the greatest?

2. Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz: Since these two enjoyed their greatest success as teammates, we will group them together. In 2004, Man-Ram and Big Papi led Boston to a World Series victory, snapping the Curse of the Bambino and ending a World Series drought for the city of Boston that had been in place since 1918. Three seasons later, the duo was back at it, easily adding a second trophy to the mantle with a four game sweep of the Colorado Rockies. However, earlier this season, both Ramirez and Ortiz were revealed as steroid users. Scary Fact #2: Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz have not won a single World Series game (!!), let alone an entire series, since their true colors as illegal performance enhancing drug abusers have been exposed.

If you can’t win without the contents of a bottle or a syringe, are you really a winner?

3. Roger Federer: After last night’s loss to Juan Martin Del Potro in the US Open Championship, the timing of Federer’s appearance on this list couldn’t be more opportune. To be fair to Roger, he currently leads all men’s tennis players with 15 career individual Grand Slam titles. However, as any college football fan will tell you, the mark of a true champion in the ability to beat your rivals. How does Roger Federer stack up in that category? Scary Fact #3: In Federer’s 42 career Grand Slam appearances, he has beaten his main rival, Rafael Nadal, a grand total of ZERO (!!!) times on clay in a Slam Final. Repeat: ZERO.

To those who will say Federer has beaten Nadal on niche surfaces like grass and hardcourt, isn’t that sort of like saying a football team can only win in a dome? The last time we checked — champions win EVERYWHERE.

Some will say this post is a farce. Some others will say it is a pseudo-contrarian piece of excrement written purely to stir up controversy in an attempt to garner page views. Yet even others will say the writer of this post exhibits the logical skills and deductive reasoning abilities of a seven year child. That is wrong. Every Scary Fact cited in this piece is just that, a fact. Seriously, look it up. And while you’re at it – buy a clue, people. Facts. The staff of MLJ stands by this post. We welcome your feedback. Facts.