Can Someone Pull Matt Barkley’s Head from His Own Pujols, Please?

This kid is getting obnoxious already and he’s started one fucking college football game.  Oh, congrats, Matt, you wiped out San Jose State on your own turf, AWESOME.  You didn’t throw a single meaningful pass, GREAT.  You must be feeling so fucking good about yourself, you cute little button.

I mean, San Jose State at home is EXACTLY like travelling 2,500 miles to play in one of the five most hostile environments in college football, right?

“Bring it on,” Barkley said after practice. “I’ll imagine they’re all cheering for us.”

Uh…you must be new here.  This is the same Ohio State fanbase that cheers other players getting injured right?  The same Horseshoe where pepper spray is considered a delicacy and riot control is on hand for every game, right?  Oh, believe me, Matt, you’ll KNOW INSTANTLY that the Buckeye crowd is not cheering for you, they’ll make it pretty obvious right off the bat.

Barkley drew raves for his mostly unflappable performance in his Trojans’ debut last Saturday against San Jose State. His 15-for-19 passing performance included a touchdown and, perhaps more important and telling, no interceptions.

“It just kind of solidified that I can do this,” Barkley said.

Unflappable?  I don’t think he threw a pass until he was spotted a 14 point lead by his defense.  Again, not a single throw of his was meaningful at all, and hell, it looked like he didn’t throw a single pass that wasn’t a play action bootleg or a screen, yet THAT’S unflappable?  Matt, my man, that performance solidified nothing other than your OL and running backs are really fucking good.  YOU DID ABSOLUTELY JACK SHIT IN THAT GAME, MATT.

Carroll and quarterbacks coach Jeremy Bates maintained before the game that the Trojans would not scale back the playbook or change the offense to accommodate the first true freshman to start an opener at quarterback for the Trojans.

But it was clear after a few series that the play-calling was tailored to make it easy on Barkley and get him through his first start unscathed, physically and emotionally. The strong-armed freshman rarely was asked to throw under pressure from the pocket, instead rolling out for safer throws.

Yep.  You sure have this thing down pat, Matt.  Hell, you’ve played one game so far, why even bother with the rest of your eligibility?  You’re OBVIOUSLY ready for the NFL RIGHT THIS INSTANT, Matt.

After playing before nearly 85,000 at the Coliseum and practicing with piped-in crowd noise on Tuesday, Barkley proclaimed he was prepared for the all that comes his way at Ohio Stadium — especially noise.

“It will be a little louder,” he said, “but I’ve got a loud voice.”

A little louder?  You play in one of the lamest stadiums in college football full of front running fans that would rather party and drink Hypnotiq than pay attention to the game at hand.  Now, you’re playing in front of 20,000 EXTRA people in a state that literally has nothing else going on.

I suggest you lower your expectations a little bit, Matt, while I think USC is going to win, you’re reason number 1,204,248 why they will.  There’s a difference between being confident and being flat out dumb.  And you definitely traversed into the “dumbshit dumbfuck” zone with your little series of schpiels these past two weeks.  It’s one thing to head into a tough environment thinking your going to win, but it’s another thing entirely to act like you’re above it all after one fucking game against the cupcake-iest of cupcakes, especially when you’re going into a place that, literally, ruined Chad Henne’s career, a QB prospect just like you, Matt.

So…go fuck yourself Matt Barkley.  I hope you get injured…I really do.