Someone looks a little, umm, upgraded.

Tonight debuts the new season of the RW/RR Challenge.  I was trying to remember what happened at the end of the last challenge, but I can’t remember for the life of me.  It’s one of those shows that is awesome and entertaining while it’s on, but when it’s over, it’s out of sight, out of mind.  No way was I doing research about what happened on that challenge either.  That would make me king of the no ball pussy losers.  They already have a king.  It’s Roman.

This season is called the Ruins, which I can only assume means it will ruin relationships, morale, and what little dignity these people have left.  Tonight’s debut episode starts at 10pm (ET) and runs 90 minutes on MTV.  I can’t wait to see what hilarious dance they do for the intros on this season.  Also, I wonder if CT will punch someone’s face in this episode or early in the next.

Another show on tonight is Modern Family.  It airs at 9pm (ET) on ABC.  It’s about a family led by the father (Ed O’Neil) and his hot young latina wife, her young son, O’Neil’s daughter and her family and O’Neil’s son and pillow biter boyfriend.  Last week’s season premiere was funny so I’ll give it another week.

Of course, if those shows aren’t your thing, there is still baseball played by all teams for another week or so.  Here are some games you might want to check in on: Read the rest of this entry »

Who’s your first $billion athlete?

BAM.  Golfer.

Tiger, Tiger Tiger Woods, ya’ll.  The GOAT.  The peen banging your e-vageen.  The second coming of Christ.

Who woulda thunk Will Forte* was a Phillies fan?

One:

• The number of jail terms Roman Polanski has avoided for 30 years.
• The number of wins my two fantasy football teams have accrued this year.
• The number of hands I have broken punching a wall after watching Brad Lidge pitch.
• The amount in hundreds of dollars that I have won playing blogger poker tournaments.
• The number of Fetch’s testicles that have dropped this year.
• Out of 30 high school friends that actually talk to me on Facebook.
• The number of times I actually talked to this girl through 3 years of high school.
• The number of Blogger Emmy Awards I expect for my videos posted last week.
• The number of final outs I have recorded in the field to win a little league championship.
• The number of times per day that Hef thought he would get laid by getting a vasectomy.
• The cumulative number of times Hef has gotten laid since he got a vasectomy 2 months ago.
• The Phillies magic number after Tuesday night’s win.
• The number of laughs per second you will get watching this video of Tim Tschida demonstrating a balk.

Thanks Fightins.

Nothing To Click Here is the collective effort of the entire MLJ staff. These are just some of the things we come across in our daily reading. The links contained within are either extremely well-written, thought-provoking, funny, weird or simply awesome. If you have any suggestions please send them here.

Boxer James Kirkland was sentenced in his weapons possession case. (Y! Sports)

Pele disses Michael Jordan.  Face.  (Not Qualified to Comment)

A post I disagree with based solely on the title: BCS is to blame for Tebow’s injury. (Buster Sports)

The High School Football hit of the week. Ouch. (Busted Coverage)

Thom Yorke is starting a new band apart from Radiohead…just for fun. Fucker. (Dead Air Space)

The 100 Twitter accounts every man should follow. Seems a little redundant using the words “man” and “twitter account” in the same sentence. (Maxim)

5 Reasons you secretly yearn for a Zombie Apocalypse. The list forgets a sixth important one: crapping on the remains of people you didn’t like in real life. (Cracked)

The MLJ Video of the day brought to you by LittleBuddha: if you’re unfamiliar with The Room you’re missing out on one of the greatest cinematic adventures in the history of evar.

After the jump, Hitler’s diabolical plan. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m not sure what to think of this.

On one hand, he was great in 2007, winning manager of the year.  On the other hand, he didn’t change at all and the team has sucked dick ever since.  The only thing that changed was his facial hair.

That’s all I got.  John Farrell, Sawx pitching coach as a replacement?  Yes please!

Last night the NBA announced that they would use replacement refs for the beginning of the NBA season (which is still more than a month away) after the Referee’s union rejected a two-year deal by league officials.

The contract between the league and its officials expired on Sept. 1 and they have been unable to reach a new deal. Negotiations broke down at least twice as the sides remained apart on the league’s proposed changes to the referees’ pension and severance packages, as well as a plan to develop younger officials.

Hey man, I get it.  Negotiations break down all the time.  Especially when both sides are of equal strength with regard to bargaining chips.  Wait, what’s that you say?  NBA refs are the least respected officials in all of professional sports?  Everyone thinks that they purposefully and continuously affect the outcome of games in a negative way?  There isn’t a man alive in the great city of Phoenix that wouldn’t like to have personally broken former ref, Tim Donaghy’s kneecaps in prison?  Then what the fuck is the issue?

In the memo, the NBA told teams that the deal in principle would have resulted in savings in the referees program by approximately 3.5 percent over the next two years. Previous deals with the officials have been for five years, but the league agreed to make it two in this contract so the referees could renegotiate sooner, when it hoped the league’s economic situation had changed.

Wait, this negotiation is going so poorly that they want a shorter deal so that they can re-negoitate all over again in two years?  What the fuck is going on?

If this were the NFL, I would get it.  NFL refs are well respected and according to most surveys I’ve seen, most fans think they get the call right most of the time.   Add to the fact that they use replays on a lot of calls and we’re left with a collection of officials that seemingly embrace transparency.  Likewise, baseball, though less respected than NFL refs, have a reputation for at least being consistent: if the strikezone seems wide, it’s usually wide for both teams.  The NBA on the other hand is universally panned as the most corrupt and self-serving group of zebras in all of sports.

My question is this: what the fuck do the refs have that’s even close to a bargaining chip?

Read the rest of this entry »

The entire crew over here at Major League Jerk would like to offer our sincerest congratulations to the Boston Red Sox on backing into the playoffs last night after the Rangers lost to Anaheim.  Now you can focus all your momentum to once again beating the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Orange County in the playoffs.

Sure you lost last night when all you had to do was beat the Blue Jays to secure your spot in the playoffs but allowing another team to do it for you is just as good for team morale and it also avoids the risk of getting hit in the eye from a champagne bottle during the Wild Card victory celebration.  Yes, I think this subdued excitement where the celebration is kept behind closed doors is not only a strength builder, it’s also a character builder that creates a sense of duty stronger than any division title could ever do.

[cracks beer; weeps in it]

I’m just so damned…proud of you all.

Only Superman can do this

There was some hot man on man action going on in the AL Central last night and it started with a slobberknocker of a rain delay in Cleveland.  It’s like nothing goes right for Cleveland sports.  On a good note, the NBA got started up this week so look for fans to transition nicely to cheering for Lebron, Shaq and the rest of the Cavs.  Sox and Indians will play two games today.  Former star of That 70’s Show Danny Masterson will be pushed back and will start game two of the double header.  Carmona will start game 1.  Remember when he was really good?  No one cares who is pitching for the White Sox.

The real action came in Detroit where they played a day/night double header because of a rain out the day before.  The Tigers entered the day with a 2 game lead on the division.  With a sweep, Detroit could have tied up the division and really gave us a great playoff race to watch.  Let’s see if it happened:

Game 1:  Twins 3, Tigers 2 (10):  Game 2:  Twins 5, Tigers 6: The Twins got their big shot yesterday to tie up the race in the AL Central.  It reminds me of the big shot that (SPOILER ALERT!!) Read the rest of this entry »

Today was a great day in the annals of MLJ’s short history. We found out that Spence is the luckiest fantasy footballer alive, Intern Jace hooked us up with totally tubulacious NFL rankings, Spencer hipped us up to something about Ben Roethlisberger and Predators, and finally, Happy gave us the score to a game that was being played during the day.

It’s gonna be a lovely evening for me as I will be home alone watching the kiddos because the missus is going to a Journey concert. I had refused to go based on the fact that I am a charter member of Team Perry and I will not pay to see some Filipino basically mocking him.

So, since I’m stuck watching children’s television programming this evening, you’re on your own as far as finding something worthwhile to watch. I think Twins/Tigers will be on MLB Network tonight, if you’re interested in following the last remaining playoff race.

To close out the evening, a list with no descriptors.

Top five things I want to do within the next couple of weeks:
Read the rest of this entry »

Only one game was scheduled for the day today, but it was a biggie between the Twins and Tigers. The game was tied at 1 after 9 innings, at which point the Twins scored 2 in the top of the 10th. My man Curtis Granderson led off the bottom of the 10th with a solo shot, but Joe Nathan got the next three Tiger batters out in succession to hold on for the 3-2 win. The Tigers lead is down to 1 in the AL Central with Game 2 of the day/night double header to be played later tonight.

Say it with me……

FUCK THE TWINS!